


Code: RESTRICTED [TIME]

by OfficiallyWrong



Series: Code: RESTRICTED [3]
Category: Codename: Kids Next Door
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deconstruction, Drama, Fantasy, Friendship/Love, Gen, Post-Canon, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 78,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfficiallyWrong/pseuds/OfficiallyWrong
Summary: Severed ties, lost friendships and stolen memories... After cutting ties with the Teens Next Door to complete her mission, Abby makes the final leg of her journey. The mysteries surrounding the Galactic Kids Next Door are still numerous. War is waging. Abby's team is at the end of their rope. Will things ever go back to the way they once were?And is that still what she wants? (Part 3 of 3)
Series: Code: RESTRICTED [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614874
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	1. B.U.G.S.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING
> 
> Attention all Kids Next Door operatives. The information contained in this file has been labeled confidential. Viewing, tampering with, or sharing of this file is strictly prohibited. Any operative caught doing so will be subject to immediate decommissioning.
> 
> To younger operatives or operatives with  
> with weak constitutions; This classified information  
> foreshadows the horrors of Adulthood including drugs,  
> sex, swearing, and abuse.
> 
> You have been warned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Abby desperately tries to hold on to hope after losing everything she's worked for, a startling encounter causes her to second-guess her supposed failure. Meanwhile, Wally tries to take on more than he can chew after feeling insecure about their confrontation with the TND.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: B.U.G.S. 

Bother  
Us  
Get  
Stomped

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by Tom Warburton  
And Cartoon Network

Episode 18

Location: McClintock High, May 4th, 2012

It was an itchy suit. She didn’t know why it would be so itchy. Behind her, she struggled to pull her underwear out of the crack of her butt cheek where it had decided to lodge itself. As she pulled, she itched. The material was old and matted like a terribly cared for shag carpet in some bachelor pad. The guy hadn’t been laid for weeks and he was fucking her in the ass as punishment. The girl’s butt wiggled. She turned to the left, then to the right, looking through the large eyes of a horse’s head. It smelled like she was looking out its ass. She sighed, taking off the head of her new mascot costume, the new role she had been given now that she was off the cheer squad for good. It happened so fast, she couldn’t even remember most of it. All she knew was that someone, or maybe all of them, wanted her gone. And it wasn’t in her right mind to complain or argue or seek revenge. If they didn’t want her, she didn’t want them, right? It felt like a formality. It wasn’t how she really felt. But it was the correct thing to think.

Fucked in the ass, she thought. That sounded like something he would say, not her. But since her relationship with him had been going on, the past 4 years now, his habits were becoming hers. She never used to swear. She had even wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. Oh, how times had changed. And now, they would change again. He was just having fun with her anyway. She wasn’t the kind of girl people took seriously. She grimaced at her face in the mirror. 

Especially not now. 

She heard the door swing open, so far it hit the wall and bounced back. And in he walked, as she knew he would. Wearing his track uniform, his hair a little messier than usual hanging in front of his face. He needed it cut. He had his knuckles clenched. There were bruises all over his body, but the knuckles were the only thing bleeding. When she saw this, she went to him. 

“Wally! What happened?” 

The boy didn’t say anything. 

“Did you get into a fight?” 

But his lips pursed as he looked her directly in the eye. Those grey eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

The girl shrank into herself. “I was going to.” She bit her lip. “I was...but I...” 

“I can’ t bloody believe this.” 

She swallowed. “I didn’t do it.” She could barely get the words out. “You gotta believe me. I could never—” 

“Course you didn’t bloody do it!” he snarled. “I’m gonna find the person who did and I’m gonna kick their ass.” 

“Wally, please don’t.” 

He looked her up and down. “The hell are you wearin’, Kuki?” 

Kuki looked down. “Oh. They said I could Mascot, since Ernie Holman broke his leg.” 

“You’re not seriously goin’ along with this?” 

“I—” 

“Kuki, they did this on purpose!” he exclaimed. “And you’re just sittin’ here takin’ it?” 

“If they don’t want me then—” 

“Then too fucking bad.” Wally walked up to her. “You have just as much of a right to be there as them! Don’t let them stomp all over you!” 

Kuki sniffed, throwing down the large head she’d been carrying. “Oh, what’s the point?” she cried. “I’m never gonna be a real TEEN. My mom is right, I have no motivation, no goals. I may as well just wear this stupid suit and humiliate myself in front of everyone like I always do!” 

Wally’s anger softened. “Kuki...” 

“Look at you, Wally. What happened? What did you do?” She took his hands, turning them around. 

The boy glared at her hands in his. “I quit the track team,” he said. 

Kuki stopped. “You what?” 

“I quit, Kuki. I ain’t never goin’ back.” 

“But why?” 

The boy’s cheeks reddened, but of embarrassment or frustration she couldn’t tell. “It ain’t important why.” 

“...not because of me.” 

“I got my reasons.” 

“Wally, please don’t quit because of this.” 

He broke away from her, going into another rage. “I quit cause the TEENZ are a bunch’a wanks who control everything around here! What we say, who we’re friends with, who we date,” he paused himself, swallowing the rest of that sentence before it got out. “They got shit to say about everything and I’m sick’a them breathin’ down my neck! This, though? This takes the fucking cake!” 

“Wa—” 

“I’m done, Kuki! I’m done givin them the time. I’m done runnin’ errands and feeding some agenda that ain’t mine. Only reason I stuck it out this long was for you, cause I know how much you wanted it. But fuck, I can’t do it anymore.” 

“But Wally, you love track.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“I can’t let you do this.” 

He thumbed through his hair. “Kuki, I socked the Captain in the jaw. I tackled the bastard to the ground. It’s over. I’m off the team. I quit all the teams. All of them. Sports, clubs, student council, they’re everywhere. All lookin’ out for themselves.” 

“Your friends—” 

“I don’t have friends! Those guys ain’t my friends and they never were. They let this happen to you! Fuck, Kuki. They wanted me to break up with you!” 

The conversation broke in half. 

“A friend wouldn’t do that.” 

Kuki backed away from him, her hands wrung. “Unless...” she started. “It was for your own good.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“Wally, avoiding the TEENZ, all the TEENZ, it’s social suicide.” 

“So?” 

“So, you’ll never be prom king or...or be a part of a club or a sport. You won’t even get a lunch table, you’d have to eat in the hallway or worse!” She clenched her fists. “You shouldn’t be so reckless.” 

“Why? High school’s a joke anyway!” 

“Wally, you love track!” 

“I love you!” he shouted into the echoing hall. 

Kuki stood back, her face florid. Wally’s face was even redder than hers. It wasn’t what either of them expected. Despite being together for four years, those years were mostly them holding hands and doing what middle schoolers thought of as “dating.” They hadn’t been physically intimate until recently, but there was certainly no mention of the words Wally had just irrationally spilled all over the hallway floor. 

“I...” he started again. “I mean...Kuki I...”

He had found her crying on the curbside of the road on his thirteenth birthday. He didn’t like girls. Never did. He had no reason to go up to her. But something beyond his understanding pushed him in her direction. The girl was sobbing. When he asked her what was wrong, she couldn’t tell him. She didn’t know. Something had happened, but she had no memory of what it was. Only that she was heartbroken. He didn’t say much to her. Just sat on the curb next to her. The next thing he knew, he had invited the girl over to his house for his birthday dinner, which was usually just the family. Wally had acquaintances, but not friends. The two ate ice cream and cake and didn’t say much of anything to each other. But that was the beginning of it. 

And now...this was a new beginning. 

“I love you.” 

Her eyes widened, shining with fresh tears. 

“So fuck’m.” 

Location: Unknown 

Present Day

Kuki wiggled her toes into the hard, metallic floor. She couldn’t remember the last time she did something as simple as look at her toes. Pulling them apart, pressing them together, feeling her skin on cold steel. The paint on her nails was a chipped bright pink, little black hairs were forming on her legs. Her daily routine had changed so much since starting this mission. Back home, she would have been so embarrassed if anyone saw her nails chipped or forgot to shave for a day. They had been floating for seventy-eight hours now, no planets or ships could be seen. Nothing but big floating rocks. The only evidence of life was the shining stars that seemed unreachable from where they were. 

Wally sauntered in, plopping down on a padded bench beside her. He was always disheveled, Kuki thought. However, even he was beginning to look more unkept than usual. 

“Any luck?” she asked. 

He simply narrowed his eyes on his boots. “Says he wants to be alone.” 

Kuki held her knees, pressing her cheek into them. She let out an audible sigh but didn’t say anything. 

“And Abby?” he returned. 

Kuki shrugged. “Haven’t heard a word.” 

Wally huffed, slamming his boots together to dust them off. Finally, he sat up. “Okay, here’s the plan. Wait an hour, then switch. You talk to Gilligan and I’ll try Abby.” 

Kuki wiggled her feet. “I dunno, Wally. Maybe we should just leave them be.” 

Her boyfriend rubbed his eyes, standing to his feet. “Normally, I would agree with you, Kuki. A billion percent. But we can’t just keep floatin’ here! We need a plan. And to do that, we need the person who makes the plans to make the plan!” 

Kuki sighed. “And the people who can do the plan, to do the plan.” 

He snarled. “What does that mean?” 

“Well,” she said. “It’s no secret, Wally, that we aren’t exactly the Sector V we used to be. I think our run-in with the TND proved that. We’re out of our element here. If we have any chance of surviving—” 

“Surviving? What about Earth? What about Joey and Mushi? Did you forget why we’re here?” 

Kuki flushed. “Of course not!” 

He stuck his nose up. “Abby’ll come through. Sometimes people need a little push in the right direction.” His fists closed passionately. “She just needs someone to snap her outta this funk. Those TN-Doofuses don’t know who the fuck they’re messin’ with.” 

“I’m more worried about us,” Kuki admitted. “Nigel Uno aside, we have no idea what to expect when we get there. How do we even go about fighting children, let alone immortal children?”

“I dunno,” he said. “But we ain’t got much choice.” 

Suddenly, a door beside them slipped open as Abby passed them by without a glance. Wally and Kuki looked at each other before going after her. 

“Hey, Abby,” Kuki asked. “So, what exactly is our plan?” 

Abby appeared in a trance. “Ain’t figured that out yet.” 

She kept walking until she reached the flight deck, the two following her. “We must be getting close, right?” Kuki asked. “Should we, you know, do some training?” 

“Training?” Abby looked confused. 

“Yeah, you know. Training. For the big mission.” She kicked and punched the air, showing off her imaginary skills. 

Abby turned back to the window, dazed. “Oh.” 

“Don’t you think?” 

“And shouldn’t we get movin’ a bit faster?” 

Abby shook her head. “This is an asteroid belt. We gotta float through it.” 

Kuki approached Abby, touching her arm. “Abby?” 

She turned her head but didn’t seem to snap out of her daze. “Hm?” 

“Is everything okay?” 

She smiled with her lips, but her eyes remained dull. “Sure. Just tired is all.” 

Wally and Kuki looked at each other again.

“We’re sorry you lost your job.” 

“Priorities change.” 

“Well, whatever you need, Sector V is here to help!” Kuki tried to cheer her up, but Abby’s mind was clearly somewhere else. “Abby?” 

Their leader swallowed. “I’m sorry. I wanna be alone right now.” 

But Wally scowled. “You’ve been alone for like a million hours. We’ve given you space, but we need a plan.” he said. “We need you.” 

Abby’s voice was cold and quiet, as though she were only talking to herself. “Need me.” 

“We know things turned out a lot worse than you expected,” Kuki tried again. “But—” 

“I just have a lot to think about,” she said before turning to exit the room. 

Wally backed off, but Kuki was determined to give it one more go. Both of them could feel what was happening, the seeds of doubt that were planted in their leader’s mind. It wouldn’t be easy to get her back into good spirits. Wally didn’t respond well when people shut down. He was such an expressive communicator that it deeply troubled him when people weren’t honest and upfront with him. Kuki could tell that he was getting agitated by Abby’s behavior. And Hoagie wasn’t coming out of his room any time soon. It was up to her. 

“Abby—”

“IT’S A SHIP!” Wally’s voice called, interrupting the moment and pointing at the front. It could be heard all throughout the main deck. 

So much for that. 

They turned to catch a glimpse of what caused him to scream. 

Floating there in amongst the asteroids was a large vessel, completely smashed into by debris. It wasn’t like any ship they had seen before, most likely belonging to an alien species none of them were familiar with. The three went to the window in an attempt to get a closer look. 

“It’s small,” Abby commented. 

“A kid’s ship?” Kuki asked. 

“Most likely.” 

“How’d it get all the way out here?” 

Abby shrugged. “It was probably on its way to headquarters and got knocked by an asteroid.” 

They drifted closer to the wreckage, Abby now having manual control over the ship. She turned the lights on, scanning the area for signs of life. There didn’t seem to be any. The ship appeared to be abandoned, though its metal was rusted. 

“There’s oxygen out there,” Abby commented. “Maybe we should check for survivors.” 

“Abby.” 

“What?” 

He rotated her slightly to the right. Before them were ships, hundreds of them, all in similar conditions to the ones they found. They hovered there, all styles and sizes. Clusters of gaseous clouds, green and purplish grey appeared around the area, sometimes covering the path to the stars in a haunting fog. 

“Please don’t tell me a space monster did this...” Kuki trembled.

“Let’s take her in slow,” Abby said as she moved gingerly though the space. The search lights were still on, moving around each area. 

The ship slowed to a stop as she stared up at the massive vessel before them.

“What is it?” 

Her voice cracked as she spoke. “It’s one’a ours.” 

“The TND?” Wally asked. 

Abby shook her head. “The Kids Next Door. Earth.” 

“Do you recognize it?” 

“I dunno. It’s too dark to see,” she said. She turned off the search lights, noticing a blue glow coming from inside. “Looks like somebody left a light on.” Hopping off the captain’s chair, she headed for the door. “I’m gonna check it out.” 

“Abby, wait!” 

“What?” She turned around but kept walking backwards. “We’re already late for the party. May as well be fashionable.” 

She pounded on the door, kicked it, screamed at it, but still there was no answer. Now that brought back memories. 

“Hoagie?” She tried again. “Hoagie! Dammit...” 

“Try Buttfucker maybe that’ll work,” Wally teased. 

“One of us has gotta stay with him,” she said. “We can’t just leave him here alone.” 

“Oooh! Oooh! I got it!” Wally jumped excitedly. “Kuki and I’ll go and you stay here with the nerd.” 

Kuki looked disturbed. “Go without Abby?” 

“Yeah! Why not? We gotta be able’ta fend for ourselves against the G:KND anyway. May as well get some target practice in.” 

But Abby’s tone was firm. “No.” 

“No?” Wally puffed up his chest. 

“That’s what I said.” She rotated her hat, so the brim faced the front. “I’ll go. You and Kuki stay here.” 

“Are you fucking serious?” He took a step forward. “After all this—” 

“Especially after all this.” 

“Abby...” Kuki tried to intervene, but Wally and Abby were already in a shootout. 

“No way. I ain’t styain’ behind. I earned my right to be here.” Wally shouted. 

“You’re here because I dragged yo’ asses out here,” Abby said. “You’ll do as I say.” 

“You ain’t the boss of us.” 

“You wanted to come. You gotta play by the rules or you don’t get to play. That was the deal.” 

“The deal was my baby brother!” Wally snapped. “Cause some power-hungry asshole took him and you said you could get him back! Well where is he, Lincoln? Where’s my fucking baby brother?” 

“Wally stop. This isn’t Abby’s fault—” 

“Oh, it’s not?” he groaned. “She’s draggin’ her feet cause she’s scared of a bunch of children.” 

“We are movin’ as fast as we can.” 

“What did those TND guys say to you? Hmm? Cause we were doin’ just fine before they got back into your head! We’d be there by now if you had just trusted us!” he growled. “But no! You gotta do it all on your own! We gotta float through asteroids so you can avoid your past!”

“I took care of myself before you, I can sure as hell do it now,” Abby said sharply, which made Wally seethe. “You. Stay.” 

“What if I say no?” 

“Wally.” Kuki’s attempts to intervene weren’t working. 

“I’ll turn this ship around,” her eyes didn’t waver. “And I’ll end the mission.” 

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“Watch me.” 

Kuki stepped forward. “Okay, I know we’ve had a rough couple of days. And I know—” 

“No, you don’t,” Abby said. “You don’t know. None of you know. You don’t follow orders, you don’t listen to reason, you’re just...” She grabbed her hat. “I need to think.” 

“I thought we were finally on the same page here,” Wally said quietly. “But every time we get close you push us away again and I’m sick of it. You think you and the Nutty Professor in there can save the world yourselves, then be my guest. We don’t have to take this shit. C’mon Kuki.” He grabbed his girlfriend’s arm and walked out of the room. Kuki looked back and forth between Abby and Wally, unsure which side to take, but eventually went with him. 

“Shields up,” she stated. 

Wally blew her a raspberry. 

There was an eerie glow about the life somehow sustaining itself out in the middle of nowhere, a dark transformation to survive near-impossible conditions. They were winding like vines, but not toxic like the Khlorophill mines. It was a sinister sort of light, a light you couldn’t trust even though you are desperate for salvation. In amongst the vines were wires that braided up into the ceilings. Each ship she passed was constricted like ivy hugs a tree that with a malicious beauty suck the life from its loving embrace. Abby held her S.C.A.A.M.P. close to her. She knew it was unwise to go on the journey alone but being around her friends was choking her like these wires suffocated the ships. 

Abby hiked upwards as the ships made a bridge across the asteroids, a tunnel with seemingly no end and no true light to guide her. Only deceptive energies of purple and blue luring its victims deeper into the lost. It worried her, these vines. It meant something could survive out here, and there was no guarantee that something was friendly. She thought about going back, but the thought of being cramped back into her issues, her absolute undeniable failure, was too much right now. 

That’s when she saw it, the small pebbles that pulsed a dull radioactive glimmer, stuck all over the walls of this abandoned shipyard. 

Eggs. 

She looked above, breaking off a piece of vine for a light. It retained its glow even when separated from the stalk. The second the light touched a wing illuminating it like a Christmas display. At first, just a wing, then a leg. Mesmerized she stared at it as its face locked eyes with her. Incandescent, iridescent, the creature twitched. 

She backed away slowly...knowing she had no choice but to turn back. Wherever this was, she was an intruder. 

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, a skitter from behind grabbed her attention. She held her gun out but saw nothing. She backed away from the growing nest, knowing better than to intrude. Another skitter. Then a light, another, another. Static from what looked to be screens all around. She was in a control room of some kind...but she hadn’t tripped the wire. It was something else. She continued back slowly, hearing the messages pour out. Aliens of all shapes and sizes clamoring at the same time. Abby couldn’t hear everything they were saying, but she knew they were all in a panic. The videos cut in and out, the audio choppy. 

“If you are listening to this please send help...” 

“We need backup now!” 

“Emergency! Emergency! We’re being att—” 

The skitter turned into a run. A creature charging toward her. She didn’t know whether to run or fight. She decided to wait. It lifted a long sharp object into the air and with a battle cry, leapt over Abby throwing the spear at the Alien creature above. The being flapped its wings, injured but not dead. Abby could see the full thing now, a large moth-like creature but with the delicacy and transparency of a dragonfly. It screamed in agony, flapping its wings. The creature who brought it down, climbed the vines to retrieve its weapon, swinging so quickly Abby couldn’t get a good look at them. They shooed the being away. As it dropped down, it swooped down below Abby causing her to fall to the ground in shock. It soared into the air. The creature then landed directly over her. 

Abby’s chest was rising and falling at a rate she couldn’t keep up with. It got closer to her, its brown human-like eyes scanning her up and down. She didn’t quite know what to say. It had two arms, two legs, and the body structure of a human. A human woman. Blonde hair tightly fixed into a ponytail. Finally, the creature’s eyes widened. It spoke. And it spoke through what looked to be a cloth over its mouth. 

“Abigail Lincoln?”

Abby couldn’t process her own name. 

The creature pulled down her mask and popped up. “Ha! I knew you’d make it out here eventually! Looks like I just won twenty crystals! Take that Taglor!” 

“Wh-who?” 

“Wow you look great. The virus was kind to you, huh?” 

“I, um, thanks?” 

“Oh my god. I have like...so many questions. Duh. You probably don’t even recognize me, do you?” She grinned holding out her hand. “Here, let me—” 

Abby finally realized. It was the eyes that gave it away, brown with an intensity that was familiar but rare. A face that had been lost to her many years ago. She replied with dream-like hesitancy. “Numbuh 362...”

The smile got brighter. “Been a while, hasn’t it?” 

Abby took her hand. “I...how...you were...” 

“Missing?” She crossed her arms. “Yeah it’s a long story.” From behind she pulled out a gun strapped to her back. “Hang on, I gotta take care of this real quick.” 

She grabbed something off the wall and growled into it. 

“Which one of you numb-nuts left the door to my control room open?” she seethed. 

There was a squabbling on the other end. 

Numbuh 362 groaned pushing her hand to her face. “Well, the Mother got in.” She waited for the other end to stop squabbling. “Do you know what would have happened if we lost those...yeah I know...you’ve got a brain, Tag, use it. Also, you better be winning big today cause Mama’s comin’ to collect, baby.” And with that she hung up. “It’s always friggin’ Tag.” She cocked the gun, smiling at Abby. “This’ll only take a second.” She lifted the large weapon and blasted it over the eggs Abby found, leaving them frozen. Unable to withstand it, they shriveled and disintegrated. 

“Don’t do that!” Abby cried out. 

Numbuh 362 finished her task and then stopped. “That giant creature out there is the Mother. She laid all these puppies. You need to set firm boundaries with her, or else she’ll populate the whole area. She’ll feed us all to her children if she doesn’t see us as a threat.” She threw the gun over her shoulder cockily. “Good thing I’m definitely a threat.” 

“Numbuh—” 

“Here.” She tossed Abby her spear. “That thing’ll eat you alive if you use a lazar. Best to spear it if it gets too close. You still know how to use one, don’t you? They aren’t keeping you too cushy in the TND.” 

“I can use it.” 

“That’s what I thought.” She grinned. “Wow. Abigail Lincoln.” 

“Numbuh 362.” 

“Come on, seriously? Rachel.” 

“...Rachel.” 

“Wow.” She looked her up and down. “You’re later than I expected. I thought for sure you would’ve made the trip years ago. Well, you’re here now! Come on and meet the crew! Bet you wanna wash that slime off.” 

“There are more of you?” 

“Yeah, come on!” She gestured toward the tunnel. “Unless you’ve got something better to do,” she joked. 

“Uh...” Abby looked back at where she came from, but eventually looked back at Rachel. “Lead the way.” 

“After my ship crashed I rebuilt it like three times, but each time I ended up here again. That’s when I first realized there was something going on out here. So instead of going home, I decided to stay and investigate,” she said. “I tried contacting the KND multiple times, but something has been blocking my signal,” Rachel explained, climbing over scattered vines as she had done it a million times. “I didn’t have any definitive evidence to bring back anyway.” 

Abby was in shock. “You...you mean the S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T. sent you here?” 

“It sent all of us here,” Rachel explained. “Isn’t that what happened to you?” 

There was silence. 

Rachel stopped walking. “Wait. You flew into the asteroid belt? You just...” Suddenly, it clicked. “You have a working ship.” 

“Y-yeah I d—” 

Rachel ran up and covered her mouth. “Do not tell anyone, okay? They’re all desperate to get out of here. They will rip you apart.” 

Abby nodded. 

“Look out!” She rammed her spear through a pill-like bug, scrapping it off with her foot. “Man, you know what I miss? Soccer. I keep trying to teach the others to play but they’re total losers. Won’t even give it a chance. That’s most organic lifeforms for ya.” she skipped ahead. “You finally had enough of Earth? Come to kick it out here with the rebels?” 

“Actually,” Abby explained, hiking over a vine she didn’t see at first. “I’m tryn’a save Earth.” 

“Haven’t given up on those nerds, huh?” Rachel winked. “Same old Numbuh 5.”

“We’re in trouble, Rachel. Serious trouble. Father’s made a comeback and—” Abby gripped the spear realizing there was something flying over her. She threw it, shooting it down. 

Rachel just stared at it. “It took me two months to learn to do that.” 

Abby pulled out the spear. “I got a reputation to uphold.” They kept walking. “I’m here to find Nigel.” 

“Well, duh. ‘Course you are.” 

They came to a large dome, closed off by a sliding metal door. Rachel cracked her knuckles, typing a code to get in. It opened, revealing a cloth curtain which hung tattered over the door. Rachel pushed through it, telling Abby to come through. What was revealed looked like something of a refugee camp, Aliens parking themselves both below in makeshift huts and above like nests. Everyone peeked over at least for a moment, though some lingered longer as Rachel entered. She was clearly a major influence on them, possibly even a leader. Abby wouldn’t be surprised by that in the slightest. 

“Check it out, Losers!” she shouted, pulling Abby in by the neck, her arm around her. “Abigail Lincoln in the flesh!” 

One particularly large Alien angrily flipped over his table, causing the game they were playing to crash all over the ground. Must be Taglor, Abby thought. A few other Aliens audibly groaned. 

“That’s right. Pay up. Keep it comin’.” Rachel announced walking through the ship, holding out a bag. “It’s really her. Would I lie to you?” The aliens proceeded to drop crystals in the bag. "Thank you." 

It was clear that Taglor wasn’t the only one she was making bets with. 

“Great. Another human,” one of the smaller Aliens griped. 

But Rachel marched forward. 

Abby looked around at all the Aliens, tattered and seemingly hungry. “All of these ships crashed here? How come they never left?” 

“They’ve tried,” Rachel explained. “But most of the ships can’t navigate through the asteroid belt. It’s almost all Adults, some Teens. It’s rare you get a Kid, but they show up now and again. All of them tried to cross into the G:KND territory or got flung out by the security system. It not only kicks them out, it sends them here. It’s rare a ship survives the crash, even rarer that the pilot’s good enough to avoid the belt.” She grinned, whispering. “But you did. Not surprised.” 

“So they’re all enemies of the G:KND then...” Abby thought aloud. 

“Not all.” Rachel’s voice lowered to a serious tone. “Some of them were tricked. Some of them learned about project Fuz and were sent here to be silenced.” 

“What’s project Fuz?” 

Rachel laughed. “Oh, sorry. That’s just what I call it. You know, the Khlorophill project.” 

Abby stared at her blankly. 

“Isn’t...that why you’re here?” she asked. “I thought...since Earth...” 

Abby’s voice hardened. “Earth what?” 

Rachel sighed. “You look like you could use a bath. Come on. We’ll be alone there.” 

Abby couldn’t deny a bath. 

Wally paced up and down the long corridors of the ship, bitching and moaning about one thing or another. Kuki watched him, waiting for him to calm down. He was a passionate person, but even still he wasn’t the type to let things get to him for long unless he was really upset. 

“I think we all just need a break from each other,” Kuki tried. “We’ve been on this mission for a long time. In really close quarters. Under pretty weird circumstances.” 

“We don’t need a break. We need to do what we actually need to bloody do.” He grumbled. “But no. We’re waitin’ in the ship. Shut out. Again.” 

“Abby’s just worried. And maybe...” Kuki thought back to what Wally said back in the club. “Maybe you are too?” 

“Worried about what? You’d think that now that she had nothin’ to lose we’d be cookin’ but we are sluggin’ along...” 

“Wally—” 

“And you know what? I bet there ain’t even anything out there. Just a bunch of old rickety space ships. She’s just bidin her fucking time.” 

“Honestly, I think you’re right about that last part. I wish we had gotten more training in,” Kuki said. “I know we’re going to remember everything soon, at least I hope so, but it would make me feel a lot better.” 

That’s when Wally got an idea. “You know what, Kuki? You’re right. We should be trained! And if Abby ain’t gonna do it, we’re gonna do it ourselves!” He marched over to the front of the ship, approaching the lever that was holding up the shields. 

“Uh...Wally...” Kuki followed. 

“There ain’t nothin’ out there anyway. We’ll just get some target practice in. Abby doesn’t have to know.” 

“We can’t leave the ship!” Kuki protested. “What about Hoagie?” 

Wally was short. “He can take care of himself.” 

“Wally, I don’t know about—” 

But he slammed his fingers on the button. The shields fell. He picked up one of Kuki’s paintball guns and strapped it over his body. “You comin’ or not?” 

Hot steam poured out of the deep pools of water, the minerals relaxing every ounce of Abby’s body. Even as she listened to what Rachel had to say, she couldn’t quite focus on it due to her immense need to de-stress. Bright yellow and green lights flashed beneath her pool, making her appear radiating. She was even tempted to take out her braid but decided against it. 

“Project Fuz. I know, it doesn’t stand for anything. I haven’t had the time to think of a proper title. I’m sure it’s called something, but for now let’s just say it’s the G:KND’s latest secret project.” Rachel explained this sinking into the steaming hot water. She leaned over the side, tracing the water with her finger. “Ships full of Khlorophill have been documented passing through the headquarters’ security disguised as ice cream ships. It’s illegal for the Adults to have Khlorophill mines outside of their territory, of course, but they do anyway. Question is, why would Kids be messing with vegetables?” 

Abby shrugged. “And you’re sure Earth is involved. How do you know?” 

“I pick up transmissions from all over. We can’t send them out, but it doesn’t mean we don’t get them,” she said. “The Adults think Nigel’s election to the G:KND has something to do with the project and I’m inclined to agree.” 

“The aging virus,” Abby thought aloud. “Nigel quarantined Earth...cause he thinks there’s an aging virus spreading.” 

“That’s what they always said but...” Rachel sank further into her muscular arms. “After being sent here, I don’t think the G:KND have anything good planned for Earth. If anything, they’re afraid of us. And I’d be surprised if they haven’t roped Nigel into their scheme somehow.” 

“Hoagie says it ain’t so much a virus, though, as it is a genetic disposition? Which makes sense. What don’t make sense is the quarantine if they already know that’s how it works.” She lifted her toe above the water. “They wanna control us. But why? We ain’t no threat to the G:KND. They’re way more advanced than we are. We got Teens runnin’ with their tails between their legs they’re so scared.” 

Rachel beamed. “Hoagie says that?” 

Fuck. 

“You sly bitch.” 

“Sly? Nah. Predictable?” She shrugged. “Maybe.” 

“Uh, sure yeah. Okay.” She flipped over, leaning back on her elbows. “So. How many of you made it?” 

“Just me,” Abby said. “Nigel, obviously but...he...y’know...” 

“They’re here, aren’t they? Sector V. You brought them.”

“I had to!” Abby got defensive again. “I couldn’t leave’m on Earth with everything goin’ on! I know they ain’t my responsibility but what was I supposed to do—” 

“Whoa, whoa, Abby. Chill,” Rachel appeased. “Since when are you so tense?” 

“Since when are you not tense? Yo’ pretty chill for a girl who spent the last seven years fightin’ for her life.” 

“You learn a lot about yourself when you’re stranded in the middle of space. Little things like...I love soccer. I would do it for a living if I could. Knowing that gives me peace, you know? I always thought you’d found yours and that’s why you were so...cool. But I get it. Life changes you. You think you got it figured out and then someone tells you it’s actually called football and you feel like it’s all been a lie.” 

“...We talkin’ about soccer or life here?” 

“Is there a difference?” 

Abby blew bubbles in the water. 

“You don’t have to justify your choices to me, girl. I can’t imagine a world where you’re without them.” Rachel spoke with wisdom and honesty. “Why didn’t you tell me? I miss those weirdos.” 

Abby groaned. 

“Abigail Lincoln never ever says what she’s thinkin’,” Rachel teased in a sing-song voice. 

“I needed a break.” 

“Ah.” 

“Which is...horrible.” 

“Is it?” 

She finally got her face out of the water. “All I wanted was to be together again and now that we’re together I just wanna be alone. Not forever but...” She thumbed her fingers through her hair. “I thought I knew what I wanted but now I don’t even know where to take one step forward.” Abby inhaled. “I am afraid of the past,” she admitted. “And I am draggin’ my feet. But that’s all I can do right now. That’s all I have the strength for.” Her eyes clenched shut. “If I run too fast and fall, I might never get up. And they’ll all come crumblin’ with me.” 

“Maybe.” Rachel shrugged. “Or maybe they’ll take the ball and sprint ahead.”

Abby laughed. “God. I’m a shit leader, huh?” 

“I know a lot of shittier ones,” she admitted. “Ones that would’ve given up a long time ago. Can I ask you something?” 

Abby nodded.

“You really think nostalgia brought you all the way here?” She leaned on the rock, arms folded under her chin. “Do you think it’s that powerful?” 

Abby didn’t know what to say. 

“I have a lot of memories of childhood, you know? Working for the KND, playing soccer with my friends, watching cartoons ever afternoon and every morning. I think about it all the time. But...” she thought some more. “I don’t know if any of that would push me the way you’re pushing yourself. I’ve learned a lot out here. From all walks of life, beings from far away galaxies, technologies unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Maybe I’ve changed too much to be a kid anymore. Being stranded in a place makes you learn pretty quick how to fend for yourself. At first, I felt guilty. My entire life was upended, and I started to see Childhood less as a way of life and more as a dream. It went against everything I believed in but...there was something inside that said it was time to move on. You think nostalgia brought you here? But I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s more than that.” 

“I don’t think it’s got anything to do with them,” she said. “I just wanted to find myself again. And I got them tangled up in my bullshit.” 

“If that’s true, then just leave them here.” 

“I could.” 

“Yeah. Why not?” Abby didn’t say anything. “You know why not.” 

“Cause I can’ t let go.” 

“No.” Rachel thumbed her fingers through her blonde hair. “Because you can’t give up. It’s not in your blood.” She thought a moment. “It’d be different if they weren’t your people, Abby. If they weren’t your people, you would find a way to live without them. Like you did the first time Sector V. dispersed.” 

“I can’t believe you remember all that.” 

“What can I say? You inspire me,” Rachel admitted. “I tried so hard not to be jealous. Especially when it came to Nigel. You guys were so close. I’ll admit, it took a lot of effort not to fall under the same traps some girls do. But your team is your team, and you know that better than anyone. And even though it made me insecure, I wanted you on mine.” She looked into the water. “They’re your team, Abby. You chose them and choose them over and over again. Don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s anything more complicated than that.” 

Abby leaned back, crossing her legs, her body feeling the heated water. “Oh. That’s sexy.” 

Rachel laughed and splashed her face. 

“Okay so spill. I need all the details!” Rachel nearly jumped. “If Wally and Kuki aren’t still together I’m going to jump off this ship into a black hole.” 

Abby laughed. “They’re together. It’s hell on Earth tryn’a get’m apart for two seconds.” 

“Even after decommissioning. That’s true love right there.” 

“Sure is.” 

“And how’s our next Einstein? He still an awkward turtle?” 

“Hoagie’s...different. They’re all different, right? In certain ways. The same in others. But he’s real different. And I guess I wasn’t expectin’things to be...different.” Her feet kicked in the water. “I didn’t realize that could happen to us. You always see it happen to other people, but you never think it’s gonna happen with you. And when it does...you just...” She looked at her toes, flexing them. “I missed so much. Even though I tried not to. And Nigel. He missed everything.” 

“I guess I did too.” 

Abby stopped. “N-no. I said Nigel. I didn’t mean you.” 

“I left too, Abby.” She smiled at the opening in the roof, where they could peek out at the stars. “I left my family and friends, my life, soccer...I thought I was in love. Maybe I was. Guess we’ll never know now. But I knew if I didn’t go, I would always wonder what would happen if I did. And you know the weirdest part? I don’t even regret it. Even though it landed me here. Is that crazy?” 

“I don’t think so,” Abby said. “I think it’s one’a those things you gotta find out for yourself.” 

“Do you regret staying?” 

“It was the right choice for me,” Abby admitted. “If I chased him like you did...Numbuh 5 might find herself runnin’ backwards. Headed somewhere but lookin’ the other way.” She inhaled the thick steam. “I just miss it, you know? The adventure, the possibilities, sleepovers, snow days. I know, probably now more than ever, that wasn’t the whole picture. Just the part I colored in. But I still miss it.” 

“I wanted it too,” Rachel agreed. “To stay young forever. But I didn’t really understand what that meant. I did what he did. I used him to run away.” 

“I could keep him a dream if I didn’t get too close,” Abby said. 

“And now?” 

“I’m awake.” She inhaled, pulling herself out of the water, the cool air shocking her skin. “Alright. Let’s go get Numbuh 4 outta trouble.” 

“How do you know he’s in trouble?” 

“He’s due.” 

Wally and Kuki scrambled through the vines, running from the ground-shattering screeches of the creature before them. They had multiplied now, coming from every direction. Large, luminescent bug creatures at every angle. Above them, a giant moth-thing. They finally found an alcove to hide in as Wally kept shooting them, which apparently only made things worse. 

And Kuki had just about had it. 

“Great!” she scraped the slime off of her arms. “This is just great, Wally!” 

“Me? You shot at it first!” 

She rolled her eyes. “You just had to prove that you were a big man, didn’t you?” she exclaimed. “We should’ve contacted Abby before things got out of hand! But no.”

“I have everything under control.” 

“Under control? Does this,” she held up her broken paint gun, “Look under control to you?” 

“Relax, Kuki.” 

“You always do this. What is it with you men and needing to be the hero all the time!” 

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not Abigail Lincoln the second coming of bloody Christ,” he grumbled. 

“Wallabee, knock it off.” 

“I know what you all think. You think I ain’t tough enough to survive out here.” 

“Wally, it’s not about that,” Kuki explained. “We have to work together. You can’t just run off and go shooting at enemies without backup! Especially not creepy alien bug things!! We don’t have our memories or the experience to—” 

“Yes! I know! You’ve only told me a bumillion times, Kuki!” 

His girlfriend scoffed. “What is your problem?”

“I ain’t some limp noodle she dragged along for sentimental value, okay?” he snapped. “I can fight my own battles, Kuki. I can defend myself against some stupid bugs and I can take a fucking punch!” 

As she listened to the last part, things finally fell into place. She stopped completely, allowing herself to calm. There wasn’t much silence with the screeching, but Wally’s labored breathing was almost as loud to her. 

“Oh Wally...” she took his hand. “No. You can’t--” 

“Oh, don’t start.” He yanked it out. “Nobody thinks I’m tough enough to fight on my own. That I ain’t smart enough to be of any help. I’ve been just fine since we got out here and I want some damn credit.” 

“You know that’s not it.” 

“They shut me out, Kuki! They think I’m gonna screw everything up. It happens every fucking time! Look at the punk takin’ up space. Look at the loser who can’t get into college. I know how they see me! I ain’t that stupid!” 

“Wally...you don’t...” 

“It’s not fair!” the boy kicked the ground. “He’s not supposed to be the tough one. That was supposed to be me! My contribution to this team is friendship and he gets to be the tough guy?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

“Wallabee!” Kuki’s voice raised over him. “Stop. Talking.” She stepped away from him, her whole body tensed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“You’re my girlfriend,” he spoke simmering. “You’re supposed to be on my side.” 

“I am on your side, Wally,” she told him, relaxing. “I am always on your side.” 

He sniffled. “Then how come—” Annoyed, he turned his back to her. “This is bullshit.” 

She took him by the hand and turned him around. “I know you wanna be strong, And you are strong.” She sighed, stroking his hand. “But whatever it is you think he has that you don’t, you don’t want it. Trust me.” 

His breathing regulated as he calmed himself. 

“You are a valuable member to this team. And you don’t have to go charging after some alien monster to prove yourself. You’ve already done that, Wally. Just by being here.” 

He huffed. “Just by being here.” 

“There’s a lot that you don’t know,” she finally told him. “And it isn’t my place to say, but it has nothing to do with you I promise.” 

“So, you’re keepin’ secrets now too.” 

“Stop acting like a child.” 

“I thought we were supposed to act like children. That’s the whole bloody point,” he griped. 

“You’re doing it in a bad way!” she snapped. “Abby is good at this because she trained for years. She’s given up everything for us. Everything. And Hoagie is...Hoagie is...” she tried to find the words. “Impulsive. And way too busy judging himself to ever judge you. So just stop.” She sighed. “This shit isn’t helping them. And it isn’t helping you either. Be the bigger man.” 

“If I ain’t the tough one,” he said with a lump in his throat. “Who’m I supposed to be? If I ain’t got my memories and I ain’t able to fight, then why am I even fucking here?” 

She took his hand again. “Wally, real life isn’t like the movies. You don’t have to have one thing that makes you valuable. You have so many things! And so do I...and so do they.” 

He squeezed her hand, his bangs falling over his face. 

“I’m scared....” he trembled. “If I ain’t tough...it means I’m weak. If I’m weak and the team’s relyin’ on me and I screw up...we could all...we almost...what if someone dies ‘cause’a me?” 

Kuki smiled. “All we can do is our best.” 

The loudest screech. 

“But running into danger...probably not the best way to stay alive.” 

Rachel and Abby ran out to where the ship was, stopping at the bridge. 

“Numbuh 4...” Abby groaned as she noticed the ship’s shields were, in fact, down. Just as she had predicted. 

“Abby,” Rachel said, pointing up at a massive shadow in the back. “It’s the Mother.” 

“Well, this could be the last time you ever see this place,” Abby said. “Before we escape, you don’t wanna, I dunno, say goodby—” 

But Rachel ignored her and began charging toward the ship. It was dark, but they had just enough light to see from the vines. Abby followed her. The giant creature flapped their wings, releasing a sparkling dust into the air. Abby ran beneath the Mother, allowing Rachel to climb up and try to secure it from the top. She could see Wally and Kuki now, huddled in the corner pathetically trying to swat away the Mother with their weapons. They hadn’t gone ten feet from the ship, yet still managed to find themselves in peril. Rachel jumped onto the Mother, causing it to hiss and writhe. It took off flying into the distance, Rachel still latched on from a wound she punctured, electric blue slop falling from the being. The pain cause the Mother to veer off course, which gave Abby her shot. 

She waited for Rachel to steer the Mother back in her direction. She had one chance to get this right. The Mother flew low to the ground, lower than she anticipated. She dropped, getting a lower angle for her clear shot and javelined the spear through its chest as it passed over her. The monster fell to the ground, even more wounded but not dead. Abby got up, and as though walking out of a business meeting, brushed herself off and walked up to Wally and Kuki. The other bugs rushed to their queen, ignoring the others entirely. 

“First lesson of combat,” Abby stated, scraping the bug guts off her spear. “Environment is everything.”

Kuki and Wally wilted and came down to her level. 

“Aha! Nice one! That should give us enough time to peace outta here,” Rachel said, giving Abby a side-five. “I’d call that a haul.” 

Then, Kuki noticed the girl beside Abby. “...is that a hot space blonde?” she asked flatly. 

“That is Numbuh 362 former Soopreme Leader of the Kids Next Door,” Abby corrected. “She’s joining the mission.” 

“Just how many hot space blondes do you know?!” She gasped. 

Abby tossed Wally her spear. “Lazars aggravate’m. Paint don’t work. You gonna be a weapon’s expert, you gotta learn to do more than just shoot and punch.” 

She walked up to Kuki. “And you? What kind of form is that? You gotta be able to old your position like this...” she instructed, holding Kuki’s arm up. 

“Like this?” she tried. 

“More level.” 

She adjusted. 

“Honestly, who trained you people?” she laughed. “Abby’s gonna have to kick their butt.” 

“3...4...” Rachel looked around. “I thought all of you were out here?” 

Wally shrank, remembering. “Ah, crud.” 

They ran in, Abby knocking the door down. The room was a mess, with scattered pieces of metal all over the floor. No one charged inside. There was no sign of an invasion, no slime or bug eggs. Just an eighteen-year-old boy with his friend’s headphones on, dancing around to the beats of Huey Lewis’ Back in Time, singing the words as he worked. The others tried not to laugh, staring and watching for a while before Hoagie noticed them and screamed, nearly tripping over the scrap in the room. 

Abby zipped up her smile. “Meeting. Bridge. Ten minutes.”

Hoagie hid his blush before noticing Rachel, taking a double-take. “Is that another hot blonde?” 

“I know! They’re falling out of the sky now!” Kuki exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. 

Rachel paced back and forth, the four others watching and waiting for her response. At last, she opened her mouth to speak. 

“So, let me see if I have this right. Nigel decommissioned the planet using the code module which the Galactic Kids Next Door stole from Moon Base, allowing Father to gain complete control over all of humanity and make childhood illegal. The TND and Adult spies are basically the only ones who remember but they’re outnumbered against both Father’s army and the G:KND who essentially run the entire Universe. So your plan is to find Nigel and get him to reverse the decommissioning and enlist the help of the G:KND to save the planet from Father. Is that it?” 

Wally whispered to Kuki. “Is that it?” 

She shrugged. 

Rachel finally stopped pacing. “If you’re expecting to barter with the G:KND, it won’t work. They did all of this for a reason. They must have some kind of plan.” 

“They claim the aging virus is spreading and that the decommissioning was part of their quarantine of the planet. Nigel had a hand in that decision, or at least that’s what it looks like from the outside,” Abby explained. 

“The aging virus has always existed,” Rachel explained. “If it exists at all. That might be the story they’re telling, but it doesn’t track.” 

Hoagie’s nose scrunched. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean aging isn’t isolated to one planet. It’s rare out here, but not unheard of. And not all of those planets are in quarantine. You’ve proven that.” She put a finger to her chin to think. “Something else is going on.” 

“Called it!” Wally exclaimed. Everyone looked at him. “What? I did, didn’t I?” 

She pulled up the screen, showing hundreds of little screens with talking heads. “I’ve been hopping from vessel to vessel intercepting transmissions while on lookout for survivors. I’ve read logs from thousands of planets. All the ships in this graveyard are invaders or unwelcome guests come to talk with the G:KND. Without an invitation you’re not getting in. I’ve tried multiple times but have never been able to get past the security system.” She placed her fist in her hand. “They give orders going out, but no one gets in, not even through the S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T. If Nigel is in there, and he’s aged, odds are they’re not letting him out either.” 

“He’s a prisoner!” Kuki exclaimed. 

“Maybe,” Hoagie added. “Maybe he stays by choice.” 

“Our highest-ranking officer is dirt compared to their authority in the Universe. No one is talking their way in there. If you want to talk to Nigel, you’re going to have to hack your way in.” 

“Hack?” Wally sat up. “I can do that.” 

“I think she means like a computer,” Hoagie explained. 

Wally sunk down. “Pffft. I knew that.” 

“Even with him on your side, there’s only a small chance they’ll listen. They say they’re Kids, but be sure there is nothing innocent about them,” Rachel warned. “They have no sense of consequence and are as old as the Universe itself. According to the logs I’ve decoded, they’ve leveled entire Adult civilizations with the push of a button. And I have no doubt they’re planning to do the same to Earth, which is why they refuse to let me contact Nigel. If he learns too much, their plan could be compromised.”

“Then why bring him to begin with?” Abby asked. “Why not keep their presence on Earth a secret?” 

The smile Rachel gave Abby both thrilled and terrified her. “I’m so glad you asked that, Abby! Because I have been trying to figure it out myself!” The pacing began again. “Why Nigel? Was he really the best operative? Well, I mean he was, but maybe there was more than that! And then I got to thinking...” She began to pull up more saved files, ones that she had clearly been putting together for a long time. “The splinter cell was the cover-up, the test to see if Nigel was worthy of being in the G:KND. But what if it wasn’t actually a test! What if Nigel was actually onto the G:KND’s presence on Earth from the beginning!”

“Okay, wait. What splinter cell?” Hoagie asked.

“Ooh! I know this one!” Wally announced. “Abby told me that before the Galactic Kids Next door recruited Nigel, they tested him by making him believe there was a splinter cell in the Kids Next Door. Like...kids who wanted to destroy Adults for good or somethin’.” 

Hoagie grunted. “You told him this?” 

“Gasp!” Kuki said, consonants and all. 

“But it wasn’t real,” Abby said. “It was just a test.” 

“He got close to something,” Rachel continued. “Something big! So the G:KND had no choice but to recruit him. To make their presence known so that the cover-up would remain a secret!” 

“Project Fuz.” 

Rachel nodded.“Khlorophill.” 

“Chloroform?” Kuki asked, confused. “Why would kids need that?” She gasped again. “They’re gonna kidnap Santa Claus!”

“No-not. What?” 

Kuki stood. “It all makes sense! They don’t have Christmas, so they kidnapped Santa and forced him to make them all presents! Of course, Santa told them they would be on the naughty list, so they learned to share and create a Christmas of their own!” Her hands went to her mouth. “Nigel Uno is Santa Claus!” 

The rest of the group sat in silence. “I got no idea how you got any of that.” 

“Kholrophill, Kuki.” Hoagie interrupted. “The green toxin we found on the Moon Base.” 

“Green like Christmas!!” 

“We’re not saving Christmas!” Wally shouted. 

Humph. “Not with that negativity.” 

“Kuki,” Abby put a hand on her friend’s back. “I’ve met Santa Claus. He’s got a whole super team to protect him. No one is kidnapping him any time soon.” 

“Is it weird that now all I can think about is how Father making children illegal probably put the whole Santa industry out of business?” Hoagie remarked. He turned to Abby with a smirk. “Also, you did not meet Santa.” 

Abby put her hand out. “Five bucks.” 

“Focus!!” Rachel snapped. “Khlorophill is the most dangerous substance in the known Universe and right now the G:KND are harvesting it for who knows what purpose!” 

“Wait...The Galactic Kids Next Door are mining vegetables?” Wally interrupted. “I thought it was the Adults.” 

“From what I understand, they both are.” Rachel nodded. “We intercept a lot of transmissions from all sides. Last I heard there was a cease-fire ordered and I have a feeling it’s because neither of them wants to risk an all-out biochemical attack.” 

“Mutually Assured Destruction,” Hoagie spoke. “They’re in a gridlock.” 

“The G:KND attacked the Moon Base with Khlorophill,” Abby said. “They blamed it on the TEENZ but there was no way they could’ve came and gone that quickly. That’s how they got the code module.” 

Rachel took a step forward. “We can take this information back to the TND and—” 

“No!” She shot up. “I...we can’t.”

“What do you mean?” 

Abby moved forward. “We...I mean...I sorta...quit.” 

Rachel’s expression was blank. “You quit the TND.” She couldn’t believe it. 

“Mmmmhmm.” Sweat poured down Abby’s neck. 

She gasped. “Oh my god. You guys are fugitives.” 

“Hey!” Kuki protested. “We prefer revolutionaries. Thank you.” 

“That is sticky,” Rachel remarked. “You must have everyone in the Universe on your tail.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Don’t remind me.” 

“You’re gonna need a lot more training before you’re ready to get through that security. Abby’s a quick pilot, but not that quick. Not to mention the targeting machines shooting at anyone trying to hack their way in. You’d need a top of the line marksman to get through there. And then there’s the matter of security once you do get in the base. It’ll be swarmed with Kids.” She sighed. “Dammit. Sorry. Habit from living with Adults and Teens for the last six and a half years.” 

“Oh, we’re used to it,” Abby said. 

“So, we’ve got no choice then,” Hoagie stepped forward. “We’ve gotta use the Cinnamon. It’s the only way.” 

“Cinnamon?” Rachel’s ears perked. 

“Are we even close?” Abby asked. 

“There are a few kinks, but I definitely think it’ll work.” 

“What will work?” Rachel looked around. 

“And the module?” 

“Purring like a kitten, thanks to the new and improved nostronarium conductor,” Hoagie flashed a grin. “I just need to figure out the best way to integrate the Spice” 

“What module?!” 

“The...recommissioning module?” Hoagie said sheepishly. “Abby, you didn’t tell her about the—” 

Rachel’s jaw fell. “A recommissioning module...” she whispered. “You have a recommissioning module?!” 

“Well, uh, technically, we stole it from Father,” Abby admitted. “Numbuh 2’s tryn’a fix it and we don’t know exactly how it’s gonna work. Did I not...mention that?” 

“Way to sell us short, Abby,” Wally teased. 

“I forgot.” 

“You forgot? That’s all we’ve been bloody talkin’ about for days!” 

They started squabble. 

“Hey, you guys...” Rachel tried to break them up, but they were not paying attention. “Guys!” Still nothing. “Hey!!” They quieted. “You have a recommissioning module.” 

“Uh, duh,” Kuki said. “We said that.” 

But Rachel’s mind was turning. “Abby, if you have a recommissioning module, you don’t need Nigel to save Earth,” she said. “You just need to steal back the code module.” 

“Wait...we don’t need Uno to save the planet?” Wally asked. 

“Of course,” Hoagie realized. “If we steal the code module, we’ll have all the DNA of everyone on Earth who was in the KND. It’s not everything we wanted, but it’s a start.” 

Abby stopped cold. “...we don’t...need Nigel?” the words seemed foreign to her. 

“Hey,” Hoagie seemed to pick up on her surprise, touching her gently on the arm. “We’re still gonna get him back.” 

“Yeah!” Kuki grinned. “Don’t you worry, Abby! We’re gonna get your team back together!” 

“It’s not Sector V without him, right?” Hoagie said. 

“We still gotta kick that guy’s ass!” Wally added. 

Abby cleared her throat. “Okay, but, our priority is the code module. If we play our cards right, we can use the module as leverage with the TND. It’ll prove that we can still fight against Father and against the G:KND. That they can’t push us around no more.” 

“And then you can get your job back!” Kuki exclaimed. 

“Kuki, if this goes well,” Abby had a smile brighter than they’d ever seen. “We might all get our jobs back.” 

Hoagie blinked. “You mean...” 

“We can recommission everyone. Permanently.” 

END TRANSMISSION.


	2. M.A.T.C.H.E.D.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuki, Wally and Hoagie are convinced they know who Abby has secret romantic feelings for…they’re just not in agreement as to who it is.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED] 

Operation: M.A.T.C.H.E.D.

Maybe   
Attraction  
Triggers  
Childishly   
Hyped  
Excessive  
Discussion

Created by Officially Wrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network

Episode 19

Location: Unknown 

Rachel couldn’t stop licking her fingers. She had forgotten oh-so-long ago what Earth food tasted like. What’s more, sugar wasn’t an ingredient found on rogue planetoids. She knew that she couldn’t just keep asking for more, but since coming on the ship, that was all she could think about. 

“There’s plenty, so help yourself,” Abby told her. 

“I still can’t believe this is real,” Rachel said, her teeth unknowingly sinking into yet another chocolate bar. “It’s been so long since I’ve had candy.” Her voice grew solemn. “Is it true, then? Are we really on the run from the TND?” 

Abby was quiet. “Things’ve gotten a bit out of hand on Earth. The TND feels trapped. When people feel trapped, they panic and do stupid stuff. Stuff gets more outta hand. Rinse and repeat.” 

“Can I ask what hap--” But the look Abby gave her made her stop her pursuit. “I see. Regardless of the situation, I give you my full support, Sir.” 

Abby chuckled. “Sir? C’mon. If anyone’s Sir...”

“Please. I abandoned my post,” she admitted. “I’m no one’s leader. Not anymore.” 

Abby held her arms, leaning against the wall. “You did it to be with him,” she said. 

Rachel laughed, awkwardly. “Yeah, well. I was young and stupid.” 

“Everyone’s stupid when they’re young,” she said wistfully. “We don’t know how good we got it.” 

“I’m surprised,” Rachel leaned forward, looking out the star-filled window. “I thought after you turned thirteen you would have gone looking for him too.” Her eyes shone with fondness. “I know how close you were.” 

Abby sighed. “Nigel was my best friend,” she said. “But he wasn’t my whole world. My place is on Earth. That’s how I always felt.” 

“When I quit being Soopreme Leader, the first time,” Rachel remembered. “Nigel wanted to take my place. But in the end, he decided not to do it. He spent the rest of the time trying to get me to take back my position.” 

“Nigel Uno as the Soopreme Leader of the Kids Next Door,” Abby shook her head. “Lord help us all.” 

Rachel looked at her, startled by this. “What do you mean? He was the greatest operative on Earth.” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Yeah, maybe, but you give that boy a smidge’a power and it’s gonna go straight to his head.” She pointed at her temple. “The second some kid in Montana gets the flu, you best be sure Nigel Uno will think of a million conspiracies. Some kid’s off to college? They must be removin’ his brain!” 

Rachel laughed again. “He was a bit high-strung.” 

“High-strung don’t begin to cover it. This one time we had to win a fish for Numbuh 3, long story, and he insisted he be the one to win it. So, all day we stood there in the blisterin’ hot sun tryin’ t’get this stupid ping pong ball in a stupid goldfish bowl! Wouldn’t even let me try. That’s how stubborn he is.” 

“You miss him a lot, don’t you?” 

Abby blushed. “Every day.” 

Kuki peeked out the door, her ear caught between it and the wall. Her audial radar was zeroed in, picking up on every sound wave she could find. She could feel her heart twisting more and more with each moment of spontaneous laughter that echoed through the hallway. Wally sat at the table, digging through what was left of the junk food, completely disinterested in his girlfriend’s conquest. She groaned, waiting for his reaction. It didn’t come, however. She groaned again, louder, cuing her boyfriend to step in. 

“You’re gonna slam your ear off.” 

“Can you believe this?” She whined, moving from the door towards him. “We have this girl for a few hours and she’s already trying to steal Abby from us!” She crossed her arms, pacing back and forth. “Acting all chummy. Just because they’re old friends.” 

“They’re just talking.” 

“They’re not just talking, Wally! They’re...bonding.” She gasped. “I’ve been trying forever to bond with Abby and suddenly this girl just waltzes in and they’re all palsy-walsy like the Best Friends Forever Rainbow Monkey fun pack, buy one get one free for you and your bestest friend limited time offer. Ugh!” 

“The girl’s been stuck in an asteroid belt for half a decade. Course she’s gonna want company. It doesn’t mean Abby’s replacing you.” 

“They’re probably plotting my downfall as we speak.” She stuck out her hips. “Ooh look at me! I’m Number whatever I’m so pretty and smart. I’m a warrior princess fantasy with all my childhood memories. I can connect with you in a way that Kuki can’t!” 

Wally struggled to open the bag of chips he found, not really listening. “If it bugs you so much, just go’n join them.” 

Kuki scoffed. “What? So she can pretend to be my friend and then stab me in the back? Like a...stab you in the back Rainbow Monkey.” 

“Now that’s a toy I’d buy.” 

“How am I supposed to compete with a girl who literally murdered bugs for survival? Alien bugs, Wally. I can’t even kill the spiders in the bathroom!” 

“That is true.” 

Her cheeks puffed. “Shut up. Neither can you.” 

“Rachel is nice. Just go up and say hi. You’re usually, like, real good at makin’ friends and stuff. Why’re you actin’ so weird?” 

Kuki moaned. “Cause...” Walking over to the table, she sat down. “Now our team is uneven. We have two boys and three girls. And you know...girls are...”

“Horrible.” 

“No.” 

“Catty.” 

“Wally!” 

“Full of crud.” 

“Ugh!” 

“What? I’ve seen those Housewife shows my mum watches,” Wally defended. “Women are bloody terrifying!” But as Kuki sighed, feeling like her boyfriend once again didn’t understand, he began again. “But not all girls are gonna be like the girls in school, Kuki. Abby’s your friend, she ain’t gonna drop you just cause she can talk about the Kids Next Door and Nigel Uno with some other girl.” 

Suddenly, Kuki’s face brightened. “You’re right, Wally.” 

He smirked. “I am, aren’t I?” 

“Abby and Rachel will never be close friends.” 

“Righ--huh?” 

Kuki grinned wildly, grinch-like wrinkles creasing her face. “Yes. Of course. Why didn’t I see it before?” 

“Okay. You’re freakin’ me out, Love.” 

“Girl friendships have but one weakness. Even the toughest can fall at the hands of this fatal flaw.” She turned to the door. “So, laugh while you can, my little blonde beauty. Enjoy the calm before the storm...nothing will prevent your inevitable demise!” She laughed maniacally. 

“What the bloody hell are you on about?” 

“I’m talking about love, Wally,” she jeered. “Friendship may bring peace, but love? Love will bring kingdoms to their knees.” But he didn’t seem to follow. “Two girls in love with the same boy can’t be friends. It can’t happen.” 

“Love?!” He rolled his eyes. “What makes you think she’s in love?” 

“I’m a girl. I know these things.” 

He paused for a moment. “Wait. Rachel’s in love with Gilligan too?” His chair leaned back as his eyes grazed the ceiling. “Damn. That nerd gets around...” 

Kuki stopped, her smile falling. “What? N-no. What?!” 

“You said Rachel and Abby were in love with the same guy.” 

“Yeah, I did. Nigel Uno.” 

Wally did a waterless spit-take as he looked back at his girlfriend. “You think Abby’s in love with Nigel Uno?” 

Kuki flipped her hair, cockily. “Uh, yeah. Haven’t you been paying attention?” 

“Apparently not.” 

“Clearly all of this has just been a front for her to travel across the Universe, to finally after years of longing confess her feelings for--” She was interrupted by Wally’s snickering, which eventually turned into an infectious laugh at her expense. “What?” 

“That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” he howled. 

Kuki’s cheeks reddened, puffing. She stood, glaring at him. “It’s the truth!” 

“Did Abby tell you that?” he spat out, in between laughs. “Did she open up to you about her star-crossed love?”

She flushed harder, embarrassed. “No. But I know it’s true. Why else would we be here?!” 

“How about to save our home planet from bein’ exploded?” 

“Well, duh. But that’s not the only reason!” Her words went right over him as he continued to laugh. “What? You think she’s in love with Hoagie?” 

Wally wiped a tear from his eye. “Duh.” 

“...Hoagie.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Our Hoagie.” 

“Who else could I even be talking about?” 

“Ha! And you think my idea is far-fetched?” 

“Okay, Love,” he put a hand up to stop her. “It’s fair to see how you missed it, seein’ as you were off tryin’ to prove some fantasy romance bullshit—” 

“It’s not bullshit! Abby is in love with Nigel Uno!” 

“—but you’re the one who ain’t been payin’ attention.” He grinned as his girlfriend took her seat, annoyed. “I may not be a girl, but I know when people got it and man, Abby’s got it. She’s got it bad.” 

“Please,” she scoffed. “That’s just your boner talking.” 

“My boner’s got nothin’ to do with it!” Wally snapped back. “All you gotta do is use your eyes. Back in Dystal City they were all over each other! How could you not see that?” 

“That doesn’t even count. That place literally pumps hormones into the air! She would have fucked a bush if it had bought her an ice cream.” 

“It is her one true weakness...” 

“And even if by some weird chance she did like him,” Kuki was adamant. “Hoagie and Abby? They have nothing in common!” 

“Psh. Neither do we,” Wally argued. “And look at us.” 

“We do so have things in common!” Kuki argued. “We both...” However, she struggled to find a single specific thing. “Like music!” 

“Brilliant. Let’s marry.” 

“But we both care about things like...the world!” 

“Not vague.” 

“And we have the same life goals!” 

“Exactly!” Wally snapped. “How’s Abby gonna date Nigel Uno? He’s been livin’ in outer space with a bunch’a kids for like a decade!” 

“Only seven years.” 

“Point.” 

“So? That doesn’t mean he himself is gonna be like a little kid. And even if he is, she will love him anyway. Because that’s what love is.” 

“Abby and Hoagie have chemistry,” Wally argued. “And he’s a fuckin’ teenager. They spend time together, they like each other. Plus, she’s like obsessed with getting him to like her.” 

“Oh, she is not.” Kuki shook her head. “She’s obsessed with Nigel Uno.” 

“Because he destroyed the Kids Next Door!” 

“No. Because he left and she’s still heartbroken over it.” That gave Wally pause. “You can’t tell me you haven’t picked up on that little detail.” 

“Well...he still hasn’t grown up! What’s that life gonna look like? She gonna live with the little kids? Play kickball till she’s 80?” 

Kuki stuck her nose up. “I bet she would love that life.” 

“She did all this to bring us together, she ain’t gonna leave us to go play catch with kiddos.” 

“She won’t have to. Uno will come back with us. Like we planned. And then they’ll re-ignite their old flame and be together forever and ever--” 

“Oh, yeah. Cause it’s that easy.” 

“It’s more likely than your idea!” Kuki snapped. “What in the world makes you think that a strong, athletic, sexy, total 10 like Abby would want to be with a Hoagie? How? What would that even look like?” 

Wally stuck his nose up back at her. “It would be beautiful.” He grimaced. “And what do you know? Maybe he’s Abby’s type.” 

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” 

“Hey. That’s discrimination. You’re bein’ narrow-minded.” 

“It’s not that! It’s just statistically...”

“Yeah?” 

She swallowed. “People tend to...”

“Go on.” 

“You know, go for people who have the same--” 

“The same...” 

“Oh, you know what I mean!” Kuki said. “It’s not discrimination it’s science. Hoagie likes science so he’ll totally understand--”

“Understand what?” a voice entered the room. 

Kuki froze. Shit. She thought for sure he would still be working. “U-Uh...the science of...Love?” 

“...really?” 

Hoagie walked in, heading toward the shelf where the food was being stored. “That’s one science I don’t think anyone’s an expert in,” He laughed awkwardly. “You guys having an argument? Don’t mind me I’ll be outta here soon...” 

“No, stay,” Kuki said, her grin reappearing. “I want your opinion on something.” 

Wally snarled. “Witch.” 

Hoagie grabbed a cupcake from the top shelf, the very last chocolate one they had. “Uh, sure. But I dunno if I’ll be much help--” 

Kuki stood up, leading him to a chair between her and Wally. “You’ll be great. Okay. So. Say you have this friend...” 

“Kuki thinks Abby’s in love with Nigel Uno and that this whole thing is just a rouse to see him and confess her undying love,” Wally said dryly before she could finish. 

“Wally!” 

“You were gonna make it annoying,” he whined. 

“Abigail in love?” Hoagie’s eyes lifted to the top of his goggles, as though in thought. “I suppose it’s possible.” 

“What?!” Wally stood. 

“Ha!” Kuki sang. “Eat my ass! I am the love guru! Bow before my wiseness!” 

“Oh, fuck off.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him. 

“Come on,” Wally appealed. “You can’t be serious. You actually agree with Kuckoo over there? You’re supposed’ta be the smart one!” 

“Yes!” Kuki was too triumphant to notice him use the nickname she despised most. “Abby and Nigel will fall in love and get married and have a million precious babies together and there’s nothing you can do about it!” 

But Hoagie scrunched his nose. “Married? He’s gotta be mentally like...twelve.” 

“That’s what I said!” Wally exclaimed. 

“B-But you said--” Kuki quivered. 

“That she could be in love with him? Yeah,” Hoagie said. “Not that they were going to end up married. Those things are mutually exclusive, you know. You can love someone to death but that doesn’t mean you can sustain a long-term--” 

“Wait a minute!” Kuki snapped. “That makes absolutely no sense! If you love someone you are definitely supposed to be together!” She flailed her arms into the air. “That makes even less sense than Wally’s theory!” 

“What’s Wally’s theory?” 

Kuki shrank. “Uh...” 

“Oh well. So, it doesn’t matter if she loves him or not or whatevah!” Wally said. “She’s not goin’ on this mission as some grand romantic gesture. She’s doin’ it cause if she doesn’t do it we’re all fuckin’ screwed!” 

“B-But...” Kuki appealed to their judge once more. “Don’t you think eventually...they might...” But Hoagie made another face. “Oh, what now!” 

“It’s a nice thought,” he said. “But don’t you think if Nigel wanted to be with her he would have come back? I mean maybe if he matured or realized what he wanted too late, but considering that he just got rid of the Kids Next Door...” 

“You guys are dumb!” Kuki cried. “You don’t believe in love!” 

“No matter how you slice it, it’s a complicated history,” Hoagie shrugged. “But if they both wanted it enough and the circumstances were right, I guess it could work. I just really don’t see Abigail doing something as personal as confessing romantic feelings on a mission. Not unless she was really backed into a corner.” 

Kuki huffed. “Buzzkill. I can’t believe you think Abby should end up with hi-”

“Hi-He-Henrietta!” Wally screamed frantically. 

Kuki bit her lip. “Oops.” 

Hoagie cocked a brow. “The candy hunter?” 

“Y-Yes.” 

“The one who literally sold us out for gummy worms.” 

“I don’t judge you on your flaws,” Wally argued. “Plus, they’re already exes.” 

“I assume for good reason,” Hoagie contended. 

“It’s a dumb theory,” Kuki said between grit teeth. 

Wally leaned in to his best friend. “But it’d be sexy. Think of it. Two hot gals with thick muscles, one has that German accent, they hate each other but they also wanna fuck each other...” 

“Okay!” Hoagie stepped back. “I’m going back to work now.” 

Kuki tried to hide her own flushed face. “R-right. That’s so...stupid...psh. Who’d even want to see that, Wally. You’re gross.” But then, not so subtly, she whispered. “Table that for later.” And her boyfriend took note. 

“You know, maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this at all,” Hoagie scratched his neck, backpedaling as fast as he could. “I mean, whoever Abigail ends up with, we should be happy, right? She’s technically our boss so it’s a little weird.” 

“Oh really?” Wally leered at him, expectantly. “Does it bother you?” 

Hoagie cleared his throat. “N-not really, no. And that bothers me immensely.” 

Wally’s face fell. “Oh.” 

Kuki stuck her tongue out again, this time in victory. 

“But while we’re here, I’m surprised you didn’t choose Rachel as a candidate. They’d make a pretty good couple if it weren’t for-” 

“No!” Kuki clenched her fists, her entire body steaming. “Rachel is also in love with Nigel Uno and that would ruin their glorious but ultimately tragic rivalry!” 

Hoagie blinked. “Uh...what?” 

“It’s part of her little fantasy,” Wally said. 

“It’s not a fantasy!” 

“You guys, this isn’t even an argument anymore,” Hoagie explained, opening the wrapper on the cupcake. “Abigail already made her move. There’s nothing left to speculate about.” 

The couple froze, gasping in unison. “Haaah?!” 

“What?” Wally asked. “When?! With who?!” 

“W-was it with...Nigel Uno?” Kuki tried hopefully. 

“N-no. H-how would she--?” 

Kuki shrugged. “Magic?” 

Hoagie stood across from them, leaning on the table. “There’s only one person Abigail is interested in right now.” The others leaned in. Hoagie looked at them, his eyes darting back and forth. “Wait, you guys seriously don’t know?” He was met with silence. “Maurice.” 

“Ew!” Kuki shook her head. 

“Maurice?!” 

“He dated her sister, Hoagie. That’s gross!” 

“I mean yeah,” Hoagie said. “But he’s the only person out of this entire line-up who actually has a chance aside from Rachel.”

“Well...” Wally said under his breath. 

“Maurice has known Abigail for a long time. They obviously have a history, one that’s been complicated by the situation. He has connections with her family, and even if he did date her sister we don’t know how long ago it was or if the relationship was even that serious. Plus, have you seen her sister? That woman is fine to the nine. Can’t even blame the guy.” 

“Yeah, but-” Kuki protested. 

“He’s a member of the Teens Next Door, which means they have a similar lifestyle. It also means they share values, and he has proven time and time again that he cares deeply about her. And then in the end, he put her before himself. A true act of genuine love with absolutely nothing expected in return. Uno left her, Henrietta is a selfish bitch, and Rachel might very well be into Uno as Kuki says so...Maurice wins. No question.” 

“No...” Kuki whined. 

“But she said she didn’t like him!” Wally said. “How do you explain that!” 

“Uh...she lied?” Hoagie chortled. 

Wally cleared his throat. “A-are you sure there isn’t...anyone else?” He gazed at him, his eyes wide and puppyish. “No one you might’ve forgotten?” 

“She kissed him. Pretty sure it’s official,” Hoagie replied flatly. 

“She kissed him?” Wally’s jaw loosened. 

“When did this happen?” 

“On the TND’s ship. Did you guys honestly not see any of this? Or are you fucking with me?” 

“Nope,” Kuki shook her head furiously. “No, that was a thank you kiss. Or a goodbye kiss. Or a thanks but no thanks I’m heading off on my own adventure without you kiss.” 

“I dunno,” Hoagie smirked. “It was pretty steamy.” 

“It proves nothing!” Kuki called. “Abby is going to be with Nigel!” 

“No, she’s not!” Wally snapped back. “What was the kiss like? Was it like...a peck or like a full-on thing? Were there tongues involved? Do you have any opinions about it? We’re best mates. You can tell me.” 

“Guys. Maurice won. That’s it.” 

“It’s not it!” Wally cried. “He can’t just show up and sweep her off her feet! That’s bullocks!” 

“She probably just forgot her feelings for Nigel. Hid them away because they were too painful. She doesn’t love Maurice! She said so!” 

“H-hey...” Hoagie backed away. “Guys. It’s cool. It’s not really any of our-” 

“So you’re sayin’ that if someone better came along, say, I dunno, a guy with some problems but mostly has a heart of gold, she would just ignore all of their obvious chemistry and go for the guy who dated her sister because he saved her one time?!” 

“It’s not about saving her so much. He protected what she cares about, putting her needs first and you guys are seriously starting to freak me out.” He quivered. 

“I saw the way she looked at baby Nigel! It was love, I tell you! Love!” Kuki moved toward him. 

“O-okay but from what I saw-” 

“You saw wrong!” Kuki’s hair looked as if it were on fire, sticking up on end. 

“You can’t tell me you actually approve of this guy?” Wally insisted. 

“It’s not really my place to--” 

He gripped Hoagie’s collar, shaking him. “Of course it is! Stand up for yourself! Fight for what you want!” 

“What are you talking about?!” He pushed him off. 

“Oh give it a rest, Wally!” Kuki chirped. 

“You give it a rest. I ain’t goin’ down without a fight!” 

“You wanna fight? I’ll give you a fight!” 

“Bring it on, cupcake!” 

“Enough!!” Hoagie shouted over them, quieting down the room. “Jeez, what is the matter with you?” 

Wally kicked the floor. “She started it.” 

“Hey!” 

“Well you did!” 

“Okay, look,” Hoagie said. “It doesn’t matter who she ends up with, okay? As long as she’s happy. Right? We want her to be happy. Right?” 

“Sure.” 

“I guess.” 

Hoagie sighed. “Good. Because in the end it isn’t up to us. And we should trust her to make her own choices. If she makes the wrong one, then she’ll figure it out. Until then we just have to stay out of it. It’s making us crazy.” 

“Fine.” 

“Whatever.” 

“Okay.” He adjusted his hat. 

Wally’s brows lifted. “Or...” 

“Or?” Hoagie repeated, worry in his voice. 

Wally grabbed the cupcake of the table, climbing on top. He lifted it into the air. 

“Hey! That’s mine!” Hoagie reached for it.

“It was yours,” Wally said. “Now it’s the prize! Whoever wins the bet, gets the cupcake! How ‘bout that?” 

“Sweet Moses,” Hoagie flattened his brows. 

“Ooh! Wally! Can I do it?” Kuki asked. “I wanna do the speech! I wanna make it all dramaticky and stuff.” 

“Uh...Okay, sure.” Wally tossed the cupcake to Kuki who climbed up onto the table. 

“Ahem. Boyfriends, and...just boys that are friends,” she began. “Behold! I present to you the magical shipping cupcake! Whomever wields the cupcake holds the favor of the shipping Gods! However, when the tides turn and the Gods change favor, the shipping cupcake shall receive a new bearer, and so on and so forth until a proper endgame is reached.”

“Heh,” Hoagie chuckled. “That’s pretty good.” 

“For having the most favor with the shipping Gods, I hereby bestow this shipping cupcake unto you, Hoagie Gilligan. For though you are ultimately very, very wrong, for some reason the Gods like you for some reason. But! When you lose favor with the Gods, you must pass the cupcake onto whomever they gain favor with. Which will obviously be me, cause, like, duh.” She handed Hoagie the cupcake. 

“Oh, we’ll see about that, Girly,” Wally grinned competitively. 

“Okay, ground rules,” Hoagie interjected. “We can’t pressure Abigail to talk about her feelings. And we can’t manipulate situations to make her think she is in love with someone. We let it happen naturally, and we don’t make her feel bad if we don’t like the person she picks.” 

“You can’t steal the cupcake. It has to be given to you,” Kuki added. 

“And if you eat the cupcake, you have to stand on the front of the ship naked for a whole week!” 

“A week?” Kuki gasped. 

“Will we even be here that long?” 

“Fine. A day?” 

“Deal!” Kuki held out her hand. 

“Huzzah!” Hoagie shouted, putting his hand in. The others looked at him with confusion. “I thought we were...doing the...medieval thing?” 

“What Medieval thing?” Kuki asked. 

Wally put in his hand. “Whatever. Let’s do it!” 

“Wait,” Hoagie stopped them. “What do we do if nobody wins? What if she wants to be single or finds someone we don’t know?” 

“Then we’ll just have to share it I guess,” Wally said. 

Kuki smiled. “When we all lose, that means we all win!” 

Hoagie shook his head. “That is not what it means but okay. I see your point.” 

“For Love!” Kuki called. 

“For Love!” The boys mirrored. 

“What are you doin’?” a low female voice spoke. Abby had opened the door to the kitchen, Rachel standing behind her. She watched as her teammates scrambled around each other, making awkward attempts to cover up their tracks. Hoagie swung his hands behind his back, his pink cheeks even more rosy than usual. Kuki didn’t know how to get off the table, so she tried to jump down, but caught her foot on the chair in her descent. Her face plummeted into the floor, but she got up, laughing nervously. Wally crossed his arms defensively. 

He was the one to speak. 

“None of your Bizzo.” 

Hoagie winced. “Probably not the best choice of words,” he whispered. 

“We definitely weren’t making bets on who, *Nigel* you *Uno* might be interested in, Nigel Uno.” 

“Hey!” Wally whispered. “No secret messages! That’s cheating.” 

“But just in case you did want to confess, where would you say your affection level lies? Would you say it’s childhood sweetheart or full on crime of passion?” 

“Kuki!” Hoagie called. He turned to Abby, pushing his way past. “I am so, so sorry. Kuki’s been acting a little strange lately, I think it’s the flu. Yeah. There’s no way we would actually use your personal life to entertain ourselves. That would just be weird, right guys?”

“Right.” Wally fiddled with his feet. “But if you did like someone you should definitely tell him...her...them...How you feel. We’d totally support it. Totally.” 

“Totally! We want to know who your Number One is,” she winked. 

Hoagie smacked his face with is palm. 

Abby stared at them, looking at them each individually. The tips of her lips curved upwards as puffs of air escaped from her nose. She started to laugh, lifting her own hand to her head. All she could do was laugh. She wiped tiny happy tears from her eyes, her stomach starting to hurt. Before anyone could say anything more, she turned her back to her friends, continuing her snorts out the door and down the hall. Rachel followed, unsure of what was going on. 

Kuki brushed off her dress. “She was totally about to crack,” she said. 

Wally and Hoagie hung their heads, embarrassed. 

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Rachel called. 

Abby found her voice again. “Sure, why not? They’re just havin’ a bit’a fun.” 

“Really? I would feel totally embarrassed if it were me.” 

Abby leaned on the wall of the ship. “Abby can deal. They just had their whole lives turned upside-down. They got no idea what’s gonna happen after all this is over. They just want to talk about stupid, fluffy stuff and feel normal. Besides,” She looked at the floor and smiled gently. “Numbuh 5 kinda likes it. Makes it feel like we’re really friends again.” 

Rachel softened her gaze. “Maybe you’re right,” she said. After a while, her face flattened again. “Hey, Abby.” 

“Hm.” 

“You’d tell me though. If you still had feelings for Nigel...” Her cheeks were bright red as she failed to hide her embarrassed expression. 

Abby rolled her eyes and proceeded to walk away, muttering “Oh, brother.” 

“N-Not that I care! You can like him or not or whatever, doesn’t matter to me.” She back-tracked. “I don’t even think about him anymore so yeah.” 

“You’re blushin’, Sir,” Abby chided. 

“Wha—I am not!” But Rachel’s hands instinctively pressed against her cheeks. They were hot to the touch. “And don’t call me Sir!” 

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell.” 

“I don’t...Abby...” Rachel chased after her friend. “Abby!” 

END TRANSMISSION


	3. F.R.I.S.B.E.E.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last the recommissioning module is fixed! But the reunion is short-lived as a ticking clock and some strange side-effects threaten to undo all of teens’ hard work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone, 
> 
> Thank you for reading and leaving comments! I enjoy them so much! Hope everyone is having a safe and fun holiday season!
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: Drugs and themes of Mental Health

The hall was filled with flashing faces on a series of large screens, encircling the chair where Numbuh Vine sat. Other than that, it was nothing but wires and metal. The most boring room in all of headquarters in Vine’s opinion. 

“Again, Vine?” the Head of Council was looking directly at them. “You gotta stop doing this.” 

They scoffed. “I’m not the one tinker-tankering with other people’s brains.” 

“We’re trying to stop the virus! To do that we gotta stop the Adult thoughts from coming in. We can’t just pick and choose which ones. Any one of them could be dangerous!” 

They huffed again. 

“We can’t stop him from getting older, but we can stop him from growing up. Don’t you want that?” 

“I don’t know anymore...” They said dramatically. “I want Numbuh 1 to be safe but the way he’s been acting lately...it just isn’t him! Oh, I’m so confused.” 

“If he’s afraid of the thoughts,” another council member said, “He won’t want to have them. He’ll keep wanting to stay young.” 

Another nodded. “Exactly.” 

“But that doesn’t make sense!” Vine protested. “When you’re scared of something all you can do is think about it! It might make him want to be young forever but fear only makes things grow.” 

“That’s no excuse for tampering with our systems!” 

“This is all just so wrong! Numbuh 1 used to be our friend. We went on missions together. We were a team! You remember, don’t you?” 

The Head of Council hid beneath their pine needles. “That was a long time ago.” 

“You can’t just keep him hidden away forever! Just let him go home!” 

“Home? To Earth?” They gasped. “You can’t be serious! He’ll turn into an Adult for sure!” 

“What’s wrong with that?” Vine asked. “Maybe he would be a good Adult.” 

“He has Father’s genes. A villain.” 

“And the genes of Numbuh 0! A hero!” 

“We don’t know how the virus will affect him!” 

“We don’t even know if it will!” 

“Stop! I know what you’re doing! Your weird interest in Numbuh 1 has gone too far this time, Vine. You’re not thinking clearly. You learned about this love thing and now it’s gone straight to your head!” 

“So what if it has!” Vine flipped their vine-like hair. “What’s the point of being immortal if this is all I have to look forward to! What’s so wrong with wanting to fall in love?” 

“Uh...everything!” they snapped. “We don’t do that! That’s Adult stuff!” 

“Come on! It’s fun!” 

“You asked me to be your boyfriend. I don’t even know what that means.” 

“Then I take it back. You’re not a prince charming. I should have never broken up with Nigie! At least he knows what love is.” 

“That’s a bad thing. Kids don’t fall in love.” 

“Well, maybe that’s stoopid.” They walked to the end of the podium, wrapping their vine-hands in prayer. “What kind of life is that? To never fall in love? Get married? Have a wedding!” She growled. “I want a wedding!” 

“You only think that because Earth tells little girls that’s what they should want! So they can continue to procreate!” they argued. “And you’re not a girl! You’re a Kid!” 

“What if I want to be a girl?” 

“Vine!” 

“I want a wedding!” she screamed again in a tantrum. “I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it!” 

“Vine!” Another member tried to calm her down, to no avail. 

“I want to be a girl and wear dresses and get married with a gorgeous wedding with flowers and a band and a white dress and everything! That’s my dream not something someone decided for me!” she shouted. “You don’t understand what it feels like to be beautiful!” 

“You’re so weird.” 

“Fine!” They turned. 

“Where are you going? We’re not done here!” 

“I am,” they said. “I’m going to find Nigie. And we are going to leave this oppressive ugly place and go somewhere where we can be free! And then we’ll get married and grow old together and live happily ever after! You know why?” she said. “Because he loves me, dammit!” 

The whole council gasped as the cuss escaped their mouth. 

“Vine! You—” 

“Oh, stuff it!” 

The Head of Council fumed. “Okay, fine. You can live happily ever after with Numbuh 1,” they said. “In quarantine.” 

Vine was collected by the guards and hauled away, but not without one final word. 

“I’ll be a girl! You’ll see!” she said. “I will be a blushing beautiful bride and there’s nothing you can do about it!” 

She shouted, looking back at the surprised faces, her voice in a growl. 

“Beautiful!” 

And that was how Agent Vine, supposedly, contracted the Aging Virus. 

...supposedly. 

...WARNING

THE AGING VIRUS EXISTS 

DO NOT ENGAGE 

WE WILL PROTECT YOU 

DO NOT READ FURTHER 

REPEAT. DO NOT ---

Nigel shot out of bed, sweat drenching his body. He touched his chest, his hand moving up and down with the audible breaths. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. It was a horrible dream, but one he couldn’t quite place. He had been having nightmares like this for what would have been years now in Earth time. However, he always forgot when he had them or what they were. The only time he was reminded was when he would awaken from one. He thought perhaps he could hear people screaming, or maybe he was dreaming of Earth. But no matter what he did, Nigel could not recall. He picked himself up, stretching his arm back as he walked toward the door. 

His hand pressed firmly on a solid wall of glass. 

Dreams, he supposed, were all he had now. 

Now Loading...

Code: RESTRICTED 

Operation: F.R.I.S.B.E.E. 

Friends  
Reunited   
Infiltrate  
Secret  
Base  
Expecting  
End

Written by Officially Wrong with properties owned by Tom Warburton  
And the Cartoon Network 

*Trigger Warning: See end chapter notes for content* 

Episode 20

“When it goes off, the Cinnamon will synthesize with the properties of the nostronarium creating a beam powerful enough to penetrate the firewall and release the neurological blocks caused by the decommissioning process.” 

“That sounds complicated,” Kuki remarked from across the room. 

“It’s very complicated!” Hoagie called back at her. “Why do you think it took me so long?” 

“But in theory,” Abby added, moving next to him. “It’ll work same as before.” 

“In theory,” Hoagie agreed. “According to Wally the peak should last six to eight hours. After that, we’ll know whether or not the effects will be permanent.” 

“Unless you eat lemons, then you only got about four,” Wally waited. “There’s no lemon in there, is there? Nobody eat any lemons!!” 

“Where would we even get lemons out here?” Rachel asked. 

Hoagie perked. “Well, in my experience life’s always giving you lemons...” 

The others stared at him, unamused. 

He cleared his throat. “Tough crowd.” 

“And you’re sure this is safe?” Rachel asked. 

“My estimate is that it’s the same risk as any hallucinogen,” he said. “It may trigger bad memories and negative emotional responses but there’s no known physical risk to the experience. Actually, people have reported miraculous healings from them.” 

“Allow yours truly to educate you, Dear Rachel,” Wally slipped in with an excited grin. “Years ago, waay back in the seventies, people in America re-discovered the power of psychedelics, even though ancient tribes had been usin’ it like forever. And all these people were sayin’ how it was gonna help people with addictions and mind problems and stuff when they made LSD. But when the hippie movement threatened to end all their fat-cat wars, the government illegalized it with a war on drugs which was really just a war on the truth—” 

“Okay, Wally, we get it...” Kuki pulled him back. “It’s a conspiracy. Capitalism is terrible. Viva la resistance.” 

Abby chuckled. “Nigel would be so proud.” But her smile faded when Nigel came back into her mind. 

“We’re all on board,” Hoagie said. “But it’s your decision.” He held the machine out to her. “So...what do you think, Abigail? You ready to see your friends again?” 

She looked at the machine, then back at him. “Hoagie, I—I don’t even know how to—” 

But he knew what she was going to say. He placed the machine in her hands, holding it with her a moment before letting it go. 

Watching the scene, Wally whispered to Kuki. “That cupcake is mine.” 

She sneered. “You can pry it from my cold dead hands, Wallabee.” 

“Alright, Team!” Abby shouted. “Fingers up!” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Do I have to do this part?” 

“Fingers up!” She said again. 

Wally stuck his up. 

“And salute!” 

Wally, Kuki and Hoagie stuck their fingers up their noses, each pulling out a bugger. The followed through individually, sticking their snot into the machine. Then, the stepped back. Kuki grabbed Wally’s hand, who eventually got scared and grabbed Hoagie’s. 

Abby exhaled, readying herself. Rachel moved behind her and the machine for protection. “Ready?” Her friends nodded, their eyes slamming shut. She grabbed the handle. “Here goes nothin’...” 

As she cranked the handle, the familiar tune of Pop Goes the Weasel began to play. A blueish-green light sparked from the machine, making it shake. Finally, at the end of the first phrase, a beam of light shot through the lens at the front of the machine at her friends. She wanted to stop cranking, but something told her to keep going. She was shot backward, landing in Rachel’s arms. The three squeezed each other’s hands tighter. The machine got harder and harder to crank. 

A penny for a spool of thread   
A penny for a needle  
That’s the way the money goes...

Pop! 

The beam disappeared. Abby released the handle as the verse played out on its own. There was a lull as she caught her breath. One eye opened at a time. She waited. 

Wally looked down at his clothes. His shoes. He wiggled his toes just to be sure he was alive. Kuki held her head, and Hoagie kept his eyes and fists clenched until someone spoke. 

Then, a thought. “The Toiletnator is my uncle.” He said it in one breath. “My uncle!! I’m related to that guy!!” 

Hoagie’s eyes popped open as he let go of Kuki’s hand. “I kissed Numbuh 86. On purpose.” His fingers went beneath his goggles, pulling the skin down over his eyes. “Everyone saw.” 

Wally laughed. “Ooof. Yeah, you win, Mate.” 

Hoagie groaned, his fingers moving from his eyes to his hair, grabbing it. “My life is over!!” He gasped. “I can never show my face in public again.” 

“You guys...” Kuki sniffled, taking a step forward. “It’s awful.” 

“What is it?” Wally went to comfort her. 

“I...I...” She big her lip. “I gave away half of my rainbow monkeys!!” She cried, her shoulders slouching as her head moved toward the ceiling. “I didn’t even send them to a retirement home! I just gave them away...to...to a—” she could barely say the words. “Thrift store!” 

“THAT’S what you care about?” Wally whined. “Your cruddy rainbow monkeys!” 

Kuki gasped, offended. “They were my friends.” 

“Aww, it’s okay Numbuh 3—” Hoagie tried. 

But she snapped back at him with a hoarse growl. “It’ll never be okay.” She ran to Wally. “I need Mr. Huggikins.” 

The boys stepped back. “No way! Not this again...” 

She pouted, her eyes sparkling with plea. 

He glared at her. “Oh...fine. One time.” 

Hoagie interjected. “You guys still—-?” 

“You tell anyone, you’re dead.” Wally glared at him until he backed up with a sheepish smile. 

Kuki squeezed Wally tightly. “I love you Mr. Huggikins!” There was silence. She squeezed tighter. “I said I LOVE YOU MR. HIGGIKINS!!” Still nothing. “Say it!” 

Wally groaned. “I love you.” 

“Say it right!” 

He put on a character-like voice. “I love you.” 

That seemed to do the trick as Kuki went back to her smiling disposition. 

“You know what?” Hoagie teased. “I take back my win.” 

“Shut up.” 

Finally, they stopped, as though a wave hit them. The three turned to the woman on the other side of the room. She was watching them, unable to speak, her eyes glistening. And has her eyes caught theirs, they each filled with tears, long-awaited and repressed. Abby almost dropped the machine, but Rachel grabbed it from her as she ran to her friends with no hesitation. She held them and kissed them as the tears continued to fall. Eventually, she called Rachel over to join them, who while hesitant, eventually agreed. 

And for a moment, just a moment, everything was perfect. 

“I still don’t believe it!” Wally announced pacing around the room. “How could Numbuh 1 just get rid of the Kids Next Door?! Those aliens must’ve brainwashified him!” 

Kuki jumped up. “Poor Mushi! Out there all alone with those mean Adults! We have to do something!” 

“Uh, yeah I don’t think you have to worry about Mushi,” Hoagie said, leaning against the window. “Actually, if we were able to hack decommissioning, undoing the brainwashing might be easier than we thought. I hate to say it, but Father could be the least of our problems.” 

“If the G:KND really does have Khlorophyll mines,” Rachel explained. “They must be readying themselves for war.” 

“So maybe Nigel just wanted Earth out of it,” Abby thought. “To protect us from gettin’ in the cross-fire.” 

“That sounds like him alright,” Wally said. “Always tryin’ta do everything himself. Not tellin’ us nothin’.” 

“True, but that’s assuming that there is no aging virus,” Rachel reminded her. “Which we don’t actually have proof of. I mean, aging exists so it has to be caused by something.” 

“If there is an aging virus, it can’t be transmitted through the air, can it? Otherwise they couldn’t’ve kept Numbuh 1 out there at all. They wouldn’t’ve even come to Earth to begin with. They wouldn’t risk it,” Hoagie said. “Something’s fishy about this whole thing and it ain’ t sushi.” 

“It ain’t sush—” Abby turned to him. “What does that even mean?” 

Rachel paced. “Ugh...there’s too much information. Nothing’s fitting together!” She slammed her hands at the back of the captain’s chair. “Here’s what we know. Both the G:KND and the AAA are collecting Khlorophyll...we don’t know what they plan to do with it, if they plan on doing anything at all. From what we understand about the aging virus, it isn’t transmitted through the air. If Numbuh 2 is right, it’s most likely genetic. So why the quarantine? And why would Nigel buy such a ridiculous cover-up story?” 

Wally nodded. “Brainwashed.” 

“I mean, what wouldn’t Numbuh 1 buy, though?” Kuki teased. 

“Numbuh 362, Sir,” Abby stepped forward. “We need to focus on our planet right now. We have children in prisons across the world. Whatever is goin’ on with Nigel and this...other stuff...those kids are our priority.” 

“You came all this way thinking Numbuh 1 would help us,” Hoagie said to Abby. “Do you still think he will?” 

She clutched the glasses at her chest. “I don’t know. I don’t know who he is anymore, or if he even still cares about Earth the way he used to. But I know that if he’s in trouble, it’s our job as his friends to save him. Even from himself.” She flipped her hat around. “And if we end up savin’ the Universe, well, Numbuh 5’s cool with that.” 

“Alright!” Wally’s fist flew into the air. “Sector V is back in action! Ready to kick some Alien butt!” 

“Line up, Soldiers!” Rachel announced. The team did as ordered. “This is going to be one of the most important missions of our lives. More important than the time Father took over the KND. More important than saving the world from Grandfather and his Senior Citi-zombies. Even more important than getting the Delightful Children’s yumilicious birthday cake.” She folded her arms behind her back. “We are about to infiltrate the most powerful and heavily-guarded facility in the known Universe. And we may have less than eight hours to do it. It won’t be easy, but if we succeed, we will not only save the Earth, its children, and our Kids Next Door...we will save our friend. Numbuh 4, you’re on weapons. You see a threat, you shoot it down.” 

“What I was born to do,” Wally beamed. 

“Numbuh 3, I need you to navigate the rear. We’ll need at least two pairs of eyes back there.” 

“You got it!” she saluted. 

“Numbuh 2?” She turned the chair around. “You think you can pilot this thing?” 

He smirked. “You bet your sweet ass I can.” There was a long uncomfortable pause. “S-Sir.” 

She turned to Abby. “That leaves you and me.” 

“Doin’ what?” 

She sighed. “Whatever’s necessary.” She saluted to the team, and they responded in kind. “Sector V, I’m counting on you. Retrieve our code module, find the truth, and bring Nigel home. Kids Next Door...” 

Not a single pin-drop was heard as they waited. 

“Battle stations!” 

The last time Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr. stepped on a spaceship was the day he left the Kids Next Door. After his father passed, his mother tried desperately to get him to stay home from his missions, hiding his gear, giving him endless chores around the house, and then of course there was his grandmother. But Hoagie still managed to sneak out. It was his obligation as the leader of Sector V to be available at all times. Even if he hadn’t promised to be there for his team, he could never stop flying. Soaring above the clouds, above his problems and fears, it was the only thing keeping him going. In the end, that itself wasn’t enough. He remembered that final voyage, alone in the cockpit of his own plane, which could convert brilliantly from a jet-like transport to a full-blow spaceship. The sky was a bit hazy over the blue ridge mountains that day, a silvering mist dancing in the swirl of autumn colors. Weather often didn’t matter to him, unless the wind was too fierce, or he was caught in a storm. Even still, it was all beautiful to a pilot. 

Back then he thought maybe he would fly all the way to the end of the world. That he could open the roof, unlatch himself, and fall into the sky. 

He ran his hand over the metal controls, a resonance returning to him. Nestling into the chair, it fit perfectly. He remembered so many voyages, so many missions, but the only one that came to his mind now was that final trek, the territory from which he believed he would never return. Yet here he was in the pilot’s seat once again. 

“You need a crash-course?” Abby leaned over the top of the captain’s chair. 

His chest puffed up as he grinned. “I’ll have you know cobwebs and I don’t share the same crawlspace.” He stretched up. “It’s all instinct, Numbuh 5. You never forget how to fly. It becomes a part of you. Just like walking.” 

She peeked around. “Is that confidence or cockiness?” 

“It’s fact,” he said. 

“Ah. So you ain’t nervous at all?” 

“Psh,” he shrugged, holding the controls and looking out into space. “I thought I hadn’t been on a plane since my Dad was...I spent years thinking I never flew one.” He inhaled, settling into the seat. “Sitting here almost feels like I never left. It’s so weird. Good but...weird.” 

“This is the closest thing to a time machine we’re gonna get.” 

“I guess so,” he said. “But if it’s a time machine you want, all you have to do is look out that window.” 

Abby didn’t say anything, clearly not understanding where he was coming from. 

“It takes years, sometimes centuries for a star’s light to reach our point in the universe. When we look at the light from the stars, we’re looking into the past. The light can even reach us even when the star itself has expired.”

“You tryn’a be clever?” 

“Memories are like starlight. They exist...long after we’ve passed.” 

“Do you ever just...say stuff? Without metaphors?” 

“He hasn’t forgotten you, Numbuh 5,” Hoagie finally made himself clear. “Your light will reach him. Maybe not right away, but it will. I know it.” 

“You’re so sure?” she half-teased. But he could tell something in her was uncertain. 

“It found us.” He smiled. “And we were much, much further away.” 

He heard her breath catch itself. 

“You were wrong, you know,” Abby finally said. 

“What? I’m never wrong.” 

She leaned around the chair, whispering into his ear. “Leaders do fly their own ships.” 

Hoagie rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, not this time...” He winked. “Sir.” 

“Stop it. You know Numbuh 5 hates that.” 

“Does she, though?” 

Abby kicked his seat. “Shut up and fly.” 

Hoagie adjusted his hat and goggles, sitting up. “Hang on to your underwear,” he said, flirtatiously. After a while, no one moved. “But seriously, you might want to hang on to something.” 

“Right.” 

“Everyone strap in!” He called, and they followed his order. “This one’s gonna be the ride of a lifetime.” Once everyone was seated, Hoagie exhaled, staring out into space. “Just like walking,” he whispered. 

The ship twisted and turned through the asteroid belt at full-speed. It was a larger ship than he was accustomed to, but it wasn’t so large that he couldn’t navigate it. A thrill overtook him as he thrust forward, circling around floating rock in a cosmic dance between mankind and the elements of creation itself. But Hoagie wasn’t thinking. In fact, for once, his brain turned completely off. He was running on instinct, and as long as he didn’t doubt himself, they would be fine. However, after years and years of doubting, not-doubting did not come as easily. 

“Numbuh 3! Numbuh 4! I need you on the cannons!” He shouted. “We gotta blast through some of these smaller, faster rocks.” 

“You got it!” Kuki said, spinning around in her chair. 

“Fucking finally,” Wally agreed.

“Numbuh 5, Numbuh 362, you think you can monitor those screens for blind spots?” 

“What do you mean, do you think you can?” Abby griped. 

Hoagie groaned. “Sorry. Will you monitor the screens for blind spots?” 

Abby nodded. “That’s what I thought you said.” 

Not only did he have to guide them through the asteroids, but also all the wayward ships that had crashed in that area. They had been floating through it for quite some time, but the ships were still out there, accumulated over millions if not billions and trillions of years. It made things interesting, as some of the debris that was cast out into space came from those ships. Still, Wally and Kuki were consistently hitting their targets, and everything was going smoothly. 

However, without warning the ship lurched forward, forced slightly off-course. 

“What was that?!” Hoagie called. 

“Uh...” Wally called. “We might have a problem.” 

“What kind of problem?” An annoyed Abby asked, not wanting to know the answer. 

“I think some of these things aren’t asteroids!” Wally said. “I shot at one of them, and it exploded! That’s why we were set off course.” 

“Great job, Numbuh 4!” Kuki shouted. “You shot at a bomb!” She slammed her fingers on the trigger without thinking, and the ship jerked the other way. “Oopise.” 

“Ha!” 

“Okay can we please stop joltin’ the ship around please?!” Abby cried out. 

“Why would kids plant bombs? That’s not like them.” Rachel held on to the shaking ship. “They don’t use weapons that can actually cause serious damage!” 

“Crud!” Wally clamored. 

“We’re gonna crash and die!” Kuki whined. 

“This...is...Fantastic!” Hoagie exclaimed. 

“Come again?” 

“Guys don’t shoot anything until I say, okay?” He said. “Oh-ho. This just got fun.” 

“I dunno what ‘fun’ means to you, but this is not Numbuh 5’s idea of it!” Abby snapped. 

“We’re going to use the momentum of the explosions to accelerate faster!” He shouted. “The faster we move, the more we can avoid the lazars.” 

“What lazars?!” Wally cried, only to be met with a bright light streaking across his screen. “Why does this always happen to us?!” 

“We’ve reached the first line of security!” Hoagie said. “Numbuh 4! Shoot it now!” 

The blaster shot at the bomb, causing the ship to steer to the side, avoiding another floating rock. After that, it was like a rollercoaster ride, ping-ponging through the obstacles with grace as well as speed. Hoagie leaned over the controls, feeling the thrill of the ride coursing through his entire body. They avoided most of the lazar beams and all of the rocks. Soon there were no more ships, simply the clear star-speckled vacuum of space. 

Almost. 

One last asteroid, this one bigger than all the others, came barreling through. And now that they had gained so much momentum and no longer had the bombs to rocket them off-course. They were headed straight for it. 

“Numbuh 2...!” Abby called. 

But he leaned into the speed. 

“Oh you can’t be serious. Do not tell me you are flyin’ straight toward that thing! This is not the time to be showin’ off!” 

“Centripetal force,” he said. 

“Centripetawhaa?” Wally asked. 

“Hang on!” 

He dove the ship downward. The asteroid, which was moving toward the ship, was getting closer. 

“Come on, come on, come on,” he prayed. 

Right as the ship reached the base of the asteroid, he cut the engine and allowed the ship to move just from the momentum it had built. The ship skated along the base of the asteroid, following its momentum up and around in a perfect circle. And just before it reached the exact position, Hoagie turned back on the engine and punched the ship out into space like a skipping rock. 

“Ha-ha! Did you see that?!” He spun around in his chair. “The King of the Skies is back, Baby! I would like to see the Kid do something like that! Whoo, Mama! That was hot!”

He checked on the others, who were all dizzy. 

“G-Good job Numbuh 2...” Kuki gave him a thumbs up. 

Abby was the first to get up, walking to the window. “I remember this,” she said. Her finger traced along the sky-map. “The S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T.”

Rachel joined. “I can’t believe we made it. I’ve never been able to get a ship through the graveyard.” She looked at Hoagie. “Very impressive.” 

Hoagie beamed. 

Wally was next to go to the window. “Is that it?” he asked. “That big block thing?” 

“It’s a Rubik’s cube,” Hoagie said. 

The five were all at the window now, staring out into space. In front of them was a block the size of a small planet, getting closer. Ships were moving in and out of it. Large and small, moving through to the portal. It was shaped in a cube, with blocks moving around on their own, lighting up as they did so in bright neon. 

“Do we have camouflage on this ship?” Abby asked. 

Hoagie did some tinkering. “Looks like it.” 

“It’s gihugic!” Kuki exclaimed. “Like a dance club in the sky!!” 

“I’ve plugged into the schematics I saved from my own ship,” Rachel said. “There’s a map on there that can lead us directly to Quarantine. But in terms of getting inside, there’s no way to do that without overriding the security system. There’s only one I know who has made it through to the blocks. If we fail, security will be activated, and we’ll be flung back to the graveyard.” 

“So we have to solve the cube?” Abby asked.

“In order to gain access to the full-security override,” Rachel explained. “Yeah. You gotta solve the cube.” 

“That sounds hard,” Kuki complained. 

“Can’t we just follow a ship through a path that is already made?” Wally asked. 

“You can’t. The gate will not open for more than one ship at a time and the sensors will know you’re there. And you can’t get access without a permit.” 

“So how do we solve it?” Abby asked. 

“You gotta play the game.” 

“Game!” Wally perked up. “Now we’re talkin’!” 

Abby smirked. “Well, Numbuh 5 ain’t too shabby with Rubik’s cube. This shouldn’t be too hard.” 

But Rachel sighed. “It’s not that kind of game.” 

W E L C O M E G A L A C T I C W A R R I O R 

DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?

YES NO 

The ship was parked in the red-zone of the cube. A screen had appeared on the front of the window, becoming a game screen. They all put on their glasses, so they could read the text, Rachel getting Hoagie’s other pair which were way too big for her face. 

“Galactic Warrior?” Kuki questioned. “Aren’t these just tech nerds?” 

“They probably created the game to keep things entertaining,” Hoagie said. “Even kids in paradise have to do things they don’t want to do sometimes.” 

Wally grinned, pushing himself to the front. “A video game, huh?” He cracked his knuckles. “Step away, Numbuh 2. This one’s all mine.” 

“You sure about this?” Abby asked. 

“Are you kidding? Most of all I’ve done since I turned thirteen was play video games,” Wally said confidently. 

“It’s true,” Kuki confirmed with slight grievance. “Even more than he practices his guitar and works on his bike.” 

“Aww,” He blushed. “Thanks, Sheila.” 

“Okay, Baby,” Abby put her hands on his shoulders. “Let’s see what you got.” 

Wally touched the “YES” button on the screen and a controller materialized. It was a simple one with not too many buttons, which was a relief to everyone who was worried there would be some convoluted trick to all of this. The welcome screen shifted screens, a lazar scanning over the teenagers. Four helmets also materialized as the screen flashed again. 

SELECT YOUR AVATARS

“Huh,” Wally read the instructions. 

Hoagie peered over his shoulder. “Looks like we all have to play,” he said. 

“How is that? There’s only four helmets,” Abby noticed. 

“One bloke controls the game,” Wally explained. “The others gotta play from the ground.” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Great.” 

“Looks easy,” Wally said, flipping through the instructional images. “There’s one disc per team. The goal is to get it to the center of the grid. That’s this maze-thing. You do that, we’re in.” 

“Alright. Numbuhs 5, 3, and 2, suit up,” Rachel said. “We’re going in.” 

“Waaait!” Kuki waved her hands in the air. “Before we go any further! There’s something we need to do!” She whispered in Wally’s ear, then Hoagie’s, and though at first, they were hesitant, eventually they agreed. 

“Who has it?” Kuki asked. 

“I gave it to you,” Hoagie said. 

“I have it,” Wally said, pulling a small brown cake wrapped in plastic. 

“Why do you have it?” Hoagie asked. 

“Let’s not talk about that...” Wally said. 

Kuki took the cake and held it out to Abby. “Numbuh 5, we want to thank you for everything you have done for us. And to show our appreciation and love for you, we all agreed,” she sniffled, bowing and offering the sweet. “To give you the last chocolate cupcake.” 

“Uh...” Abby took it. “Thanks.” 

She held her chest, trying not to choke up. “It’s worth the sacrifice.” She eyed the boys. “I would’ve won.” 

Hoagie huffed. “In your dreams, Sweet Cheeks.” 

“In your dreams, dough ball!” she quipped back. 

“Okay, we done?” Rachel broke it up. “Everyone happy? Good. Moving on.” 

Wally settled into the Captain’s chair as the others put on the helmets. He was given a headset to communicate with. “Alright,” he said. 

“Let’s play.” 

The virtual world was a grid-map, glowing bright red with a black background. In Kuki’s hand was a disc that was a luminescent white. Each of the players were given a vehicle similar to the ones on Bacchanus. Blue bikes to match their blue suits. The four stepped onto the grid, ready to play. 

“Can you guys hear me?” 

“Hi Wally!” Kuki waved her hand, jumping up and down. “Can you see me? Don’t I look adorable!” 

“We hear you, Numbuh 4,” Rachel said. “Awaiting instructions.” 

“You guys gotta get to the center. I’ll lead you there.” 

Walls rose up, all the way to the ceiling. 

R E A D Y ? 

The players mounted their vehicles.

5...4...3...2...1

START

At first everyone went in the same direction, but it became clear that this was only the beginning. It was Kuki who noticed there was a gun on the side of her vehicle, telling the others. Music began to echo out, a synth-wave techno-beat, skipping every so often intentionally. It was like the first level of a game, the enemies were minor and easily taken out, lazars easily avoidable. A smooth sail – until it wasn’t anymore. The walls soon separated into four distinct pathways, all of which Wally had to navigate. 

“Looks like the more players the harder the game,” Rachel said. 

“Maybe because only one of us needs to actually make it to the end,” Kuki said. 

“So long as the disc gets to the middle,” Wally explained. “We win.” 

“Then let’s win,” Rachel said. 

Hoagie was looking at his own screen. “We can transfer the disc back and forth during open areas of the walls when we can see each other,” he said. “Kuki, you can pass it on if you want.” 

“I got it!” She shouted as she popped a wheelie and zoomed into the far-left entrance. 

Wally guided them each through their section of the Maze, now getting into a rhythm. However, just as he was getting used to it, the walls began to rotate. 

“Uhh...Wally...” Kuki said as she found herself trapped. “Wally the wall is closing in! What do I do?!” 

“Pass the disc!” He shouted. “You’re movin’ away from the center now, we gotta keep it moving forward no matter what!” 

“Numbuh 3!” Hoagie waved at her through an open part of the wall. She nodded and threw him the disc, which he caught. 

“Alright,” he said. “So that’s the deal, huh?” 

“Everybody pay attention,” Wally said over the speaker. “Don’t throw it until I say so.” 

Hoagie moved with the disc for a while, avoiding the sides of the walls smashing down. Then, the red lights began to flash, and behind him two red bikes arrived from around the corner. 

“Aw, man!” he swerved to get away from them. “Numbuh 4!” 

“You can keep the disc on your back,” Wally said. “But if you do that and get crushed, it’s game over, Mate.” 

“Got it,” he said, attaching the disc behind him. “Hey, even though we’re in a life-or-death situation, this is kinda fun.” He grinned. 

He managed to swerve again, taking down the two bikes. It wasn’t long before two more just like it came from the side. 

“Man. Talk about a vicious cycle,” he said, laughing to himself. 

He could hear Abby groaning over the speaker. 

Then, two more coming the other way, towards him. 

“Uh, you guys...” He said. “I can’t pass. I don’t see an opening.” He gulped. “There’s too many of them! What do I do?” 

“You can stand back, Baby,” Abby’s voice said. “And let the pros handle this.” He looked over his head as a bike with massive air came over him, her tongue sticking out at him. While in the air, she shot the two bikes down. “Whoo! Yeah! How you like me now!” 

Her bike turned around, headin’ for him. “I’ll take that,” she said as Hoagie passed her the disc. 

“Numbuh 5! Get back in your lane before it closes!” Wally shouted. 

Abby saluted, scooting back through the opening. 

Abby’s challenge was different. She had used the moving floor to get air, finding a secret entry point into Hoagie’s lane and back. A glitch, or maybe it was a good strategy. Now, she had to move the bike over ramps and ditches, avoiding patches of red on the ground. 

“If you hit one of those red things, you’re out,” Wally told her. “There’s a huge patch of it comin’ up you gotta jump over it!” 

Abby nodded, finding a long ramp to build momentum. A wave of red cascaded behind her, washing out everything in its path. She increased her speed and took the leap. Beautifully gliding through the air, she focused on the one spot she could land and prayed. 

Bam! The bike hit the grid, skidding off. Then, the opening appeared. 

“It’s all you, Sir!” Abby said as she threw the disc to Rachel. 

“Good work, Soldier!” Rachel said, putting the disc on her back. But as Rachel moved through her track, which previously forced her to scoot around closing walls in perfect time, everything began to go smooth. A little too smooth. 

“No, no no. What?!” Wally cried. “Come on!” 

“What is it?” Kuki asked. 

“The disc is movin’ away from the center!” he called. “Sir, you gotta turn around! You’re gonna hit the wall!” 

But Rachel stayed on target. “Numbuh 4, you know the thing about mazes?” she said. “The long way is almost always the right way.” 

“Sir!” 

Rachel’s eyes narrowed on the upcoming wall. “Come on...” 

Then, a glitch. The wall became see-through. “Numbuh 4!” 

“Go now!” he shouted. “Go! Go! Go!” 

Rachel jumped her bike to make it go faster, zipping into the opening. As soon as she entered, the red lights went out, the wall sealing behind her. And it wasn’t just her. All of the vehicles slowed down, the game shutting off. She stepped on the grid pattern as it lit up in white. There was a rising box on the other end of the long room, with a hole in the center. 

“Looks like that’s it,” Rachel said. 

The walls of the maze started to close in. A timer for five minutes flashed on Wally’s screen, as well as Rachel’s 

“Numbuh 4...” Kuki called, moving away from the enclosing walls. 

“Run, Sir!” 

Rachel noticed the data falling behind her into an abyss and started sprinting. As she ran, giant walls arose from the grid, trying to block her, but ramps also rose for her to run and leap over. She sprinted as her team cheered her on, ducking and avoiding the collapsing grid. 

3 minutes. 

2 minutes. 

1 minute, remaining. 

A wall slowly lowered in front of her and she increased speed. Holding her breath, she slid beneath the wall as it crashed behind her, shattering everything behind it. 

“Hurry up!!” 

Crawling up into the square, she inserted the disc. It lit up. 

T H A N K Y O U 

MISSION COMPLETE 

YOU ARE A GALACTIC WARRIOR

Back on the ship, the helmets were removed, the four teenagers out of breath. 

“And you thought I was just good a dodgeball,” Wally grinned. 

“That...was awesome,” Hoagie said, high fiving his best friend. 

They looked at each other for a while before Hoagie awkwardly retracted his hands, his smile leaving him. 

“N-Numbuh 4, I...About what...what I mean is...” 

Wally put a firm hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to say anything,” he said. “It’s all in the past.” 

“We did it?” Abby asked. “We’re in?” 

The screen was flooded with schematics and diagrams, projecting all over the area. 

Rachel nodded. “We’re in.” 

“That wasn’t so hard,” Kuki said before collapsing to the floor. “I’m not tired...I’m just...really excited...” 

Hoagie went back to the chair to get a closer look at the computer. “We can do literally anything from here. Make any announcement, open any door.” 

With a few simple clicks, the wall of the cube opened, revealing the stary sky once again. 

“Okay, Numbuh 3, this is it,” Abby said. “If this don’t work, I dunno know what we’re gonna do.” 

“Oh, it’ll work, Numbuh 5,” Kuki grinned. “Trust me. When have I ever been wrong?” 

“Um...” Abby didn’t want to answer that. 

“I’ve never ever had this trick not work,” Kuki said confidently. “This way the mission will be easy squeezy!” 

“Sure, it might get rid of some of the Kids,” Abby thought aloud. “But all of them?” 

“Have a little faith!” she sang. “I learned it from the best, after all.” 

Abby scratched her head. “Well, the best ain’t been doin’ the best lately,” she admitted. 

“Okay!” Kuki ignored her. “Numbuh 2, be ready with that password as soon as the coast is clear.” 

“Serves them right for givin’ us a S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T. and then sendin’ ships into asteroids,” Wally said. 

Rachel smiled. “I am in love with this plan. Sweet, sweet revenge.” 

“What should I change the password to?” Hoagie asked. Kuki skipped over to him, leaning in and whispering something in his ear. He let out a dirty, salacious laugh. “Oh...oh that’s good.”

“They’ll never guess it!” 

But Rachel was skeptical. “Are you sure?” 

“Let’s see,” She went over to Rachel, whispering the same thing into her ear. 

Rachel had a blank expression. “I don’t get it.” 

Kuki skipped around. “Yep! They’ll never guess it! Ready, everyone?” Kuki addressed the team. “This operation is now being taken over by Numbuh 3! The cutest member of Sector V! No offense, Wallybear.” 

“Huh?”

“Does anyone have any questions?” 

Wally raised his hand. “Can I go pee?” 

“Boy, you just went pee,” Abby said. 

“I know but I gotta go again.” 

“I always have to pee before a mission,” Hoagie confessed. “It’s a nervous habit.” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Do not say that stuff out loud where Numbuh 5 can hear it.” 

“Hey, Numbuh 3...” Hoagie called her over. “Will this work?” He showed her the screen. 

“Just fine, my nerdy friend. That will be just fine,” she tried to act cool, but on the inside, she was exploding with excitement. 

“Hello out there all you Galactic Kids! Today is your lucky day! We are offering a free ice cream social on the planet Aqueous! First one hundred Kids get an extra scoop! What are we celebrating? Who cares! It’s ice cream! And it’s free!” Kuki sang over the intercom while a recorded jingle played over her. 

“Isn’t all ice cream free out here?” Hoagie asked Wally. 

He shrugged. 

“But it’s only today! So come on down!” 

“It’s her classic move,” Abby said, proudly. 

They waited for a while. At first there was nothing, but after a while a ship came through, zooming to the exit. Then another. Then another. Soon, huge waves of spacecrafts were crowding each other trying to get to the exit. The teenagers watched in shock. It took a long time but eventually all of the ships dispersed, leaving the area completely abandoned. 

“I cannot believe that worked,” Abby muttered in disbelief. 

“Hey! You said it would work!” Kuki whined. “My plans always work!” 

“Yeah but...” She gazed around the area. “This is kinda sad.” 

Kuki grinned. “Yes! I’m a genius!” she danced around. “Genius! Genius! I’m a real genius!” She went to go hug her boyfriend out of habit but found herself awkwardly backtracking at the last second. And he was similarly shy with her. 

“We have until those Kids guess the password to get the code module and find Numbuh 1,” Rachel said. “Who knows if they’re even remotely close to each other.” 

“According to this, all the DNA is located in one spot...” Hoagie said. “And if I can...just...” He licked his lips as he swiped through the screens. “Yep. Hang on.” 

“Not again—” 

The ship zipped through space to the exact coordinates in seconds. 

Hoagie nodded, everyone else feeling nauseous. “Thank you, lazy Kids.” 

“How about a warning, next time?” Abby berated him. 

“S-Sorry.” 

They pulled up to a treehouse, or at least it looked like a treehouse, but it wasn’t like any tree they had ever seen on earth. Crystal fractals hung from its branches, the trunk the size of a grand palace. They parked the ship right at the base of the tree. 

“Okay, guys, here’s the plan,” Rachel said. “Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 come inside with me to get the code module. If all goes well, we should be in and out quickly. We have to do this fast so no time for dilly dallying, okay?” 

“Ooh! Look at the colors!” Kuki gasped. 

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Numbuh 5, you know Numbuh 1 the best. I’m leaving it up to you to find him. Numbuh 2, you stay here on the ship and find out as much as you can about what these guys are planning. Stay on the lookout in case the kids hack their way back in. All of you, your memories might last, they might not. We need to be prepared either way.” 

“Then I think Numbuh 5 should stay on the ship,” Hoagie said. “Cause if I can’t fly it and something happens, we need to be able to get out of here.” He twiddled his thumbs. “I mean, if that’s a good idea.” 

“Long as you don’t do nothin’ embarrassing.” 

“Me? Embarrassing!” he gasped. “How rude. I mean, the thought!” 

Abby slapped him lightly on the back with her hat. 

“I’ll teach her how to leap,” he said. “You can only do it short distances, but if we’re gonna find Numbuh 1 it’s gonna be important.” 

“Don’t look that hard.” 

“Everyone good on the plan?”

“Yes, Sir!” They all saluted. 

“It’s crunch time, people,” Rachel said. “Let’s save Earth and get the heck outta here.” 

“So that’s how you do it,” Abby said, leaning over the screen. “You know, this tech stuff ain’t so hard. I dunno why you nerds take it so seriously...” 

Her voice was fading out. Hoagie was still, his ears perked. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. He didn’t know where the sound was coming from, but he didn’t dare ask. Numbuh 5 would have his hide for this, he knew it. Just don’t say anything, he thought. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. He didn’t want to look at it. In the corner, the walls were already starting to droop, strange shapes and patterns were appearing. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! The hairs on the back of his neck rose. Numbuh 5 was still talking. BANG! BANG! BANG! He couldn’t stop himself. He his eyes moved their way behind him. Just a peek. She wouldn’t notice. Just one look...

“Numbuh 2?” 

BANG! BANG! 

“Numbuh 2.” 

Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap! 

“Hey.” 

The banging stopped. He shook himself awake. 

“Yep. That’s exactly how you do it. You are a pro-fessión-al.” 

“You scared Numbuh 5’s gonna surpass you,” she teased. 

“Uh-huh,” he said, not listening again. 

Snap! 

“Ah! What?!” He jolted awake again. 

Abby got close to his face, examining his eyes. “Are you high?” 

He scoffed. “Pffft. Yeah.” 

Her face hardened. 

“Oops.” 

She seethed. “Numbuh 2...” 

“So there’s maybe like a 33.3% chance the Cinnamon could cause hallucinations. It’s not a real big percentage.” 

She grabbed his collar. “Don’t front. You’re trippin’ right now, aren’t you?” 

Hoagie tried to keep a straight face. “Uh...I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

BANG! BANG BANG! 

His body seized up as he finally turned around, getting out of his chair. There was nothing there. 

“I knew it. I knew usin’ the Spice was a bad idea! We wasted all that time...and Henrietta...and Maurice...and you!” Abby fumed. “Oh, I don’t even know what to say to you!” 

“How about, thank you?” he said. “Thank you, Numbuh 2, for getting my team back so I can save my best friend and the world. I’m so happy. Yay.” He waited, but her expression did not change. “Or not yay.” 

“Definitely not yay.” 

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 

Hoagie’s breath got shorter. “Hey, you wanna hear a joke?” 

“What? No!” 

“What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?” 

“Dammit.” 

“Well, that was close,” he tried again. “D-Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.” 

Silent glare. 

“You’re not laughing...okay...uh...” 

“Numbuh 2.” 

“Wanna watch the kids ping-pong across the Universe? It’s really fun.” 

“You knew this could happen, and you still went through with it? I cannot believe you!” 

“Yep, me neither,” he said. “That’s what I get for trying to spice up our lives.” 

Abby pulled out the walkie-talkie Rachel had given her and the others to keep in contact.

“Sir. We got a problem.” 

Somewhere inside the giant tree, Rachel replied. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said. 

Kuki’s cheeks were red from the amount of pressure she was putting into them. “Woow! This place is sooo cool!” she went on. “Wally look...” Her hands moved through the air. “Rainbow Monkeys...” 

Rachel held her hands over her head. “This is a disaster.” 

“You’re not her boyfriend,” Wally replied. 

“Not what I meant.” 

“Kuki...” Wally tried to drag his girlfriend away from the walls. “Come on. Quit messin’ around.” 

“Stop!!” She shook him off. “You’re ruining it!” 

“Numbuh 3...we’re on a cruddy mission,” he pulled her as she resisted. “We are not...here...for...fun...” 

She blew a raspberry. “You don’ like anything I like,” she slurred. 

“Kuki for the last time. I’m a boy. I like boy things.” 

“That’s such a gender stereotype,” she said. “You know, you act all progressive and stuff, but deep down, Wally, you’re kind of a square.” 

“A square? What is this, the seventies?” he scoffed. “You want me to be groovy man? Far out.” 

“You’re not far-out. You’re far-in.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“Do I need to spell it out for you? Okay. Het-er-o-norm-a-tive. There. I said it and I meant it,” she crossed her arms. 

“You guys,” Rachel stepped between them. “I know you aren’t yourselves right now, but we really, really can’t do this right now.” 

But Wally waved her off. “Buzz off, Numbuh 362. This is our treehouse. Okay? B-Buzz off.” 

“Oh god. This is bad.” 

“You are a white heteronormative man-child.” She crossed her arms. “And...I’m just gonna say how I feel cuz...it’s how I feel.” 

“I have been a good ally. A great ally, actually.” Now his words were starting to slur as well. “I went to all the protests, I signed all the petitions, and done the parades. I don’t like parades, but I went to the parades. And that should count.” 

“I made sacrifices...for you...,” Kuki whined. “You know I’ll never kissa girl in my life now. Never-ever.” 

“You don’t need to kiss a girl just cuz you like them.” 

“Ever since I got into this relationship it’s been Wally and Kuki, Kuki and Wally, all the time. What about Kuki, huh? What about just Kuki? What about her dreams? Her needs? We made a whole plan around me being some nurse and at first that was nice but I don’t wanna be a nurse on a tour bus! I wanna be a star on the tour bus! And I’m tired of selling myself short!” 

“Then don’t be a nurse. I never said you had to be a nurse.” 

She sighed. “When I thought you were gonna die...I realized you are my whole world! And I thought it would be romantic, but it’s not. It terrifies me.” 

Wally stopped. “Well it’s not just about you, is it?” he said. “I don’t even recognize myself now. Who is this person who’s lovey-dovey all the time? I used to be tough and cool, and now I’m just...a boyfriend. Do you know how gross it is to be a boyfriend?” 

“Please don’t do this right now,” Rachel begged. 

“And now...I can’t even...think about it. Cause if I think about it, it just gets weird.” 

“What’s weird?” 

“You and me! That’s weird!” 

“How is it weird?” 

“We had sex!!” 

Rachel decided to sit down. 

“Many, many times!” he heaved. “And now I got all these memories I didn’t used to have, and all I can see is you as a little girl. I can’t have sex with a little girl. That is not okay. How am I gonna go back now? It’s too weird!” 

“I am not a little girl.” 

“Sometimes you are.” 

“Sometimes you’re a little boy.” 

“Maybe we shouldn’t have sex at all then! Then you can kiss all the girls you want!”

“Maybe I will!” 

“Yeah, do it.” 

“Fine.” 

“Fine!” 

“Fine!!” 

The turned their backs to each other. 

Rachel hoped that Abby was having an easier time of things. 

Hoagie leaned over himself, unable to stop from laughing. He held his stomach, his cheeks flushed and ruddy. He had officially hit his peak. Abby watched as he lost it, and part of himself, knowing that until this passed they weren’t going to get anything done. 

“And then...I put on the jet pack...” he snickered. “Cause that was the line from the show!” 

“Yep. I got it the first three times.” That didn’t stop him from snorting. “It’s not that funny.” 

“It’s so funny...” When Abby didn’t respond, he sat up. “That’s right, you only like Nigel butt jokes,” he said, still in a fit, especially after hearing the word butt. “That was the only way I could ever make you laugh.” 

“Don’t even try it. I’m still mad at you.” 

Hoagie snickered, scooching close to her. “Nigel’s butt’s so big, it needs its own spotlight.” 

Abby couldn’t stop herself. She cracked a smile. “Nigel’s butt’s so big,” she responded. “When people see it they think they landed on Mars.” 

Hoagie chortled. “Cause it’s got two moons...” 

“Yeah.” Abby finally laughed. 

“Nigel’s butt’s so big that once he fell down and said: Good thing someone left this pillow here!” 

Abby nudged him. “Nigel’s ass is so white, it colonized Africa.” 

“Nigel’s ass is so white it thinks cumin is spicy.” 

“Nigel’s ass is so white it watches Real Housewives of Orange County and finds it relatable.” 

“Oh no!” Hoagie grabbed his goggles. “That’s awful!” 

“You started it!” 

He kicked his feet. “It’s so funny...” he said, catching his breath. “It’s funny cause...Cause I actually really thought you were gone...for real...” He started to laugh again but Abby relaxed. “Like I actually thought that you had joined the TEENZ.” 

Abby shrank into herself. “I should’ve told you.” 

But he remained perky. “Nonononono. It was perfect.” He drew a picture with his hands. “Like the cherry on top of the shit sundae that was my childhood. You thought there was at least a little hope but surprise! It’s all shit. Even the cherry is made of shit. Best punchline ever.” 

Abby just sat quietly, not sure what to say back. 

“That’s what I like about kids. They always think they’re happy. Even if they’re not happy, they’re happy cause they don’t know. They don’t know anything. Life’s a shit sundae. But they don’t know that. They don’t know what chocolate is. Cause it’s just shit, and they don’t know what shit is, cause everyone told them it was chocolate. But that’s it. Life’s a bitch and then you die.” He stared at his feet. “Life’s a bitch and then your dad dies. Life’s a bitch and then you wake up one morning in a hospital bed wondering if it would’ve been better if you hadn’t woken up at all. It’s funny.” 

“I don’t think it’s funny.” 

“I mean you could’a lived here! In paradise! With Numbuh 1 forever. And you didn’t...” He laughed, pointing to himself. “Cause’a me. Cause I can’t keep my stupid ass out of trouble, that’s what you always said. And now you’re miserable. You thought you ruined my life, but I actually ruined yours! It’s hilarious!” 

“Numbuh 2, I wanted to stay on Earth. I like it there. I feel...needed there. I never felt that way here. I chose to stay. You did not ruin my life.” 

“Maybe not,” he said. “But I ruined mine.” He sighed, lowering his legs. “I made it a joke. That’s why it’s funny. Because if it isn’t, then it’s just...pathetic.” He laughed a little too hard. “I’m pathetic. And now I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined everything. Classic me.” 

“I’m not mad about the Spice, okay? I know why you did it,” she finally said. “I’m mad because I ain’t stupid. I know there’s stuff you ain’t tellin’ me, that you never told me, and I got an inkling’a what it could be but...somehow, I missed it. It keeps staring me in the face, but I keep missin’ it. And it makes me feel some kinda way I can’t explain.” 

“There’s nothing to miss.” 

She scoffed. “You’ve been pretendin’ like everything’s back to normal, but I know that ain’t true. And so do you.” She jumped off the platform. “You don’t have to act like nothin’s changed, when it has. I don’t need you to give me some performance of what you think I want to see. That’s not what friendship is.” 

“Numbuh 5, you don’t want the truth, okay?” he said bluntly. “You want things to go back to how they were. With Numbuh 1 and the others all together and happy like old times. That’s what you want. That’s what you told me you wanted.” 

“And then I told you it didn’t matter.” 

“Oh, come on. I worked my ass off to get this far. We stole the recommissioning module to get back to square one. So we could get our memories, right? Well, they’re back, Numbuh 5! We’re here! So, why! Why are you still not happy!” 

“Because you’re not happy!” she shouted back. 

“Look at this world I built for you!” he got off the counter. “I built it for us. For our team. For me! And I crafted it so delicately and I made very detail perfect and it’s dreamy and magical and it’s fun. So what if it’s a lie? That’s what this is! A lie. Nothing but lies on top of lies on top of lies and I thought you accepted it. That’s why we decommission people in the first place. To preserve the lie.”

“And what good has that done anyone?” she defended. “Just lying, lying, lying all the time. Smilin’ on the outside, dyin’ on the inside. I don’t want that. I don’t want what happened with Numbuh 1 and me to happen to us. I’ve seen the dark. I can handle it. You’re not protecting me from anything!” 

“You don’t want the truth and even if you did, I wouldn’t give it to you. Cause you know why? I don’t get to live in this world I made. I have to live with my own shitty sundae while everyone else is eating chocolate and that’s fine. I made this mask, so you could look at it. I made this world, so you could live in it. And I am never going to let anyone take that away from me! It is all I have! This lie is all we have left of childhood. You of all people, Numbuh 5, you should understand!” 

“That’s not what you told me,” she said. “You told me living in the past was a mistake. You said—”

“That was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before I remembered!” he snapped. “Before I found the light, the one thing in my past worth preserving, and you want me to go back into the darkness? So I can be authentic? Fuck that! I’m not going back, Abby!” 

Abby knew he was serious then. Never, not ever, when they were in the KND together, did he call her by her name. 

“You can’t keep this up. You will break. Hoagie. Listen to me,” she tried to calm him, to no avail. “It doesn’t have to be me, okay? It doesn’t. But if you think our childhood was only worthwhile if it’s a perfect fantasy, then you’re wrong! Because it’s not! If that’s what we’ve been doin’ this whole time, we’ve been doin’ it wrong. This cannot be what you want, Baby.” 

He was out of breath, his cheeks puffed up like pastry. “The truth would destroy everything.” 

Abby went to him, her voice gentle. “Maybe it’s time we let it.” 

“No, you don’t—” He sighed. “I mean...everything.”

He held his arm, wincing. He rolled up the sleeve of his coat, but it was too tight to go over his arm, so he slipped it off. He padded his arm. 

“Shit. Am I bleeding?” 

“You’re puttin’ too much pressure on yourself.” 

He rolled up his sleeve. “Fuck!” He clasped his hand over his arm. Pulling it off, he stared at his palm. There was nothing on it. “Great. Way to fucking go, Hoagie.” 

“Numbuh 2, it’s not even—” 

But he lifted his other arm with the same expression. “H-how?” His voice softened immediately as he started to panic. Rolling up his other sleeve, he ran his palm across his sleeve, lifting it and staring at it in horror. He tried swiping his palms across his arms, but it didn’t help. The more he tried to act, the more panicked he became. “No. No no no no no, I’ve been good,” he said, dropping to his knees. “I was so good.” He grabbed one of his arms, doubling over in pain. 

“Numbuh 2!” She dropped to the floor with him, trying to take his arm. “Numbuh 2 you’re hallucinating. You need to find your focus.” 

He pulled away. “No! I don’t want you to see it...” 

“Numbuh 2. Breathe.” 

His breath became shallower. “Oh, God. It’s everywhere...” His face contorted. “Why is this happening...” he heaved. “What did I do? Why won’t it stop?” But each time she tried to help him, he moved further away. “No! Get away! Don’t look at it! Don’t look,” He buried his head in his knees, blocking it.

“It’s the Cinnamon. It messes with your head. You’re okay.” 

“Fuck!” he screamed into the air, a cry of desperation and anger. “This wasn’t supposed to happen!” he yelled. “You were never supposed to know! I didn’t want you to know!” he cried, tears spilling all over. “I didn’t want you to know...” 

Abby undid his tie and began to wrap it around his left arm. Now that his focus was on that arm, he had forgotten about the other one. She removed his hat too. Finally, she pulled his goggles down so they hung around his neck. “Your mask is very pretty,” she said. “I like it a lot. Even though it’s a little gaudy sometimes,” she said. “Don’t be ashamed of it. The masks we wear are just as much a part of us as what we hide behind them.” 

He sniffled. “Was that a metaphor?” he asked in disbelief. 

“I get what you were tryin’ to do,” she said. “Cause I tried to do the same thing. It ain’t worth it, Baby. You’ll just keep hurtin’ yourself.” 

His nose went into her shoulder. “I ruined the mission.” 

“Nah.” She stroked his hair. “No way we could’a gotten in here another way.” He nestled in more. “I’m sorry I pushed you. You come to me when you’re ready.” 

He wasn’t crying anymore, just breathing shallowly. 

“Nigel’s butt’s so big, folks ask why he still uses a car seat...” she whispered. 

There was a pause. Then: “Nigel’s butt’s so white, Spankulot couldn’t remember if he’d spanked it,” he grinned. 

“Nigel’s butt’s so white, Night-brace tried to floss it.” 

He lifted his head. “Nigel’s butt’s so big, it made the Toiletnator run out of toilet paper. Twice.” 

They looked at each other, unable to keep a straight face. The two of them leaned back, laughing. Their shoulders touched as they both landed butt-first on the ground. After a while, they both settled. 

“We’re terrible people.” 

“Shouldn’t we be doing something?” he asked. “For the mission?” 

“Eh,” Abby brushed it off. “They got this. Numbuh 3 felt pretty confident about her secret password.” 

“Oh, yeah. They’re never gonna guess it.” 

“What is it, anyway?” 

Hoagie whispered it in her ear. Abby jolted upright, taking off her hat and slapping him in the chest. “It wasn’t my idea!!” 

Abby sighed after a while. 

“I’m mad at myself,” she confessed. “I wasn’t the friend I thought I was, even before Numbuh 1 left us. There was so much I should have done.” 

“I don’t feel time right now.” 

“You’re high.” 

“Yeah.” He giggled. “But also cause maybe it’s not real.” 

“Time isn’t real?” 

“That’s why there’s no time machines.” 

“Yeah.” Abby leaned back. “Could be.” 

“Great! This is great, Wallabee! Now the Rainbow Monkeys are sad!” 

Wally rolled his eyes. “Oh, no. How terrible.” 

“It’s all dark and gloomy and it used to be all bright and colorful,” she whined. “That’s what you do! You take all the colors away!” 

“You did that yourself. It ain’t my fault. That’s how drugs work.” 

“Oh, well. You would know.” 

“Y’know what, shut up, Kuki.”

“You shut up!” 

“You shut up!” 

Rachel sat on a wooden stair-step, watching the two go back and forth, which they had been for a while now. She had thought the fight would become a more mature argument, as it had started, but soon it devolved into childish mockery. Rachel had to wonder if the Cinnamon was actually turning the two back into children. 

“Okay...” she finally said over them. “Okay! That’s enough!” 

They stopped. 

“I am going to get the code module myself! You two figure out...whatever this is! And I don’t want to see your faces until you have sorted out your crud!” she snapped, marching off grumbling. 

Kuki crossed her arms. “I just want you to be a little more respectful of my situation.” 

“I am respectful! I’ve always been respectful,” he argued. “Is that what you want? To kiss a girl? You can kiss a girl, Kuki. I don’t care.” 

“Oh, yes you do!” she contradicted. “You are jealous! Of everyone!” 

“I am not.” 

“Oh-ho!” She spun around. “You were jealous of Numbuh 2 both times you met him! You were sooper jealous of Numbuh 5. And don’t even get me started on Numbuh 1!” 

Wally grunted. “I don’t wanna talk about him.” 

“When you met Numbuh 1 you thought he was just the coolest. And he had all the cool stuff you wanted. You wanted his position, his sunglasses, his boot rockets, his best friend...” 

“Hey!” he shouted. “Numbuh 2 is my best friend!” 

“I’m not even sure you didn’t start liking me just because you knew Numbuh 1 had a huge crush on me first!” 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

“And then he left and in came hurricane Wallabee!” She spun her arm around like a top. “Tornado Beatles just wrecking up everything! Angry all the time!” 

“Me? You cried like a baby! For YEARS!” 

“...he was only gone for a year.” 

“Wah-wah-wah-wah! Numbuh 1! Why did you have to leave us? I miss you soooo much! Wah-wah-wah!” His arms flapped like birds, or like a girl trying to dry her nails. 

“Jealous! You were jealous! You were jealous because the Galactic Kids Next Door picked him and not you!” Kuki was jumping up and down, pointing at him. 

“I don’t wanna be in the stoopid Galactic Kids Next Door!” he snapped. “I’m just sick of everything being about Numbuh 1 all the time! Ooh, Numbuh 1! He saved my butt! Ooh Numbuh 1! He’s so cool! He never used to be. He never used to be cool. But all of the sudden Numbuh 1 is the son of Numbuh 0, and Numbuh 1 is Father’s nephew, and Numbuh 1 got chosen to go to space cause he’s so special and now! Here we are! Flown all across the cruddy Universe and what is our plan?” He gasped, putting his hands together in yogic prayer. “Oh, Numbuh 1. Pretty-please don’t destroy our planet! We’ve been so very good. Please don’t forget about us little Earth people. We’re always chasin’ his big fat butt and I’m sick of it!” He threw his arms down. 

“Numbuh 1 wouldn’t actually destroy the planet!” Kuki said. “Would he?” 

“I don’t want nothin’ to do with him.” 

“How are you going to pull that off?” 

“I don’t know! But I don’t wanna see him. I don’t wanna talk to him, I ain’t wastin’ a second on that guy ever again! He really...” he inhaled sharply. “He really did a Numbuh...” Wally pointed to his chest. “Oh my heart!” 

The drugs were in full-kick now for him. He began to cry. It was the kind of cry a small child makes after throwing a temper tantrum. A release of hot energy and pure emotion. 

“Oh, Wally...” Kuki went to him. “He did a Numbuh on mine too!” 

The two of them wrapped their arms around each other, sobbing. After the feelings were out, which took a good few minutes, Wally took his girlfriend by the hand. 

“Kuki.”

“Yes, Wally?”

“I want you to be a star.” 

She flushed, her smile as wide as her cheekbones. “Really?” 

“Of course I do! Just because I ain’t figured out my life, don’t mean you gotta give up your dreams,” he said. “And maybe,” he blushed. “We can talk about...openin’ up the relationship. N-Nothin’ too much! No poly-yammering nothin’. Cause I don’t wanna be intimate with anyone else. But, you know, if you wanted to, occasionally, go on a date or somethin’ then I will try not to be jealous.” 

Kuki squealed with delight. “Really??” 

“Yeah but – there gotta be rules, okay? Like it can’t be anyone I know. And I want you to be honest about it, if you had like...other feelings besides the basic stuff. Cause if you fall in love with someone, I’ll never forgive you ever.” 

“Oh yes you will. You love me.” She rocked back and forth on her feet. “Are you really okay with it?” 

“Well, I ain’t thrilled about it,” he admitted. “But if I learned anything from this whole cruddy thing, it’s that regret is worse than any uncomfortable thing. So I’m gonna give it a try.” 

Kuki wiped happy tears from her eye. “Oh, Wallybear!” She glommed him. 

“We gotta talk about the nicknames though.” 

“My WallyKoallyBear!” she nuzzled him. 

“Yeah, yeah alright,” he pushed her off gently. “Let’s find Numbuh 362 and get outta here. I’m done with this place.” 

He took her hand and they stepped into the large tree, looking around. They called for Rachel, but she was nowhere to be found. It was even more difficult now since both Wally and Kuki were experiencing strange patterns on the walls on account of the Cinnamon. When they had explored most of the tree, they finally located the spot where the code module was meant to be, an empty space there instead. They had half-expected it to just be thrown into a pile of junk, but here absolutely everything was labeled. 

“Great. No Numbuh 362. No code module.” Wally stretched his arms behind his head. “Let’s go back. She probably got out some other way.” 

Kuki skipped after him. “What do you think Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 2 are doing?” 

“Probably makin’ out.” 

Kuki gasped. “And we’re missing it?!” 

“I thought you were on Team Numbuh 1.” 

“I am,” she said. “But making out is always fun to watch.” 

“You gotta work on your boundaries, Love.” 

“So after my dad died it was like, all the sudden I grew up,” Hoagie said, still sitting on the floor. Abby’s head was tucked into his shoulder. “That was weird. Cause they tell you, you stay a kid till you’re thirteen. And after that’s when you sell your soul to the meat grinder and come out a perfect adult. But like...I grew up before that. I think I even grew up...before my dad died, but I don’t really know how it happened. I didn’t know how to go back to the Kids Next Door, you know? You look at death and it’s like...there’s no coming back from that.” 

“That must’ve been terrifying for you,” she said. 

“Death’s not as scary as living, Abby,” he replied. “Not by a long-shot.” 

“Maybe scary to witness,” she admitted. “Not so much to go through.” 

After a while, he spoke again. “I don’t know how to not be in pain,” he said. “And I don’t like...other people being sad about it.” 

“Caus’a what happened that day?” 

He stiffened. 

“Don’t play dumb. I know you didn’t fall off no stinkin’ roof,” she mumbled. 

“Yeah,” was all he could find. 

“Can I ask a question?” she tried. “Is it over? Whatever this thing is. Is it done?” 

“Oh, yeah. It’s been over for a long time. But it’s also never really over, you know?” 

Abby nodded, pressing her face further into his shoulder and holding it for a moment. “Good cause Abby’d have to go down and whoop some ass if it wasn’t. Ain’t nobody hurt my friends and gets away with it.” 

“She got away with it,” he said, almost without thinking. “I’ve been through every scenario, every outcome, every possibility. She wins. Every time.” He sighed. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say, Abby. The Kids Next Door doesn’t always—” he cleared his breath. “Work.” He looked at her earnestly. “We need to do better.” 

Abby kissed him on the shoulder and lifted herself off, so she could see him. “We will,” she said. 

Hoagie grit his teeth with a guilty smile. “We really should be looking for Numbuh 1.” 

“Nuh-uh. Not you. Not like this.” 

He rolled his shoulder. “I think I’m comin’ down from it.” But Abby didn’t move. “You’re putting it off.” 

She pouted. “Maybe. So are you.” 

He seethed. “Yeah, I kinda ghosted him. I know. I’m terrible.” 

Abby laughed. “I kinda burned him at the steak,” she admitted. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re following in my completely healthy emotional footsteps,” he teased. 

“Oh right. Cause I’m the queen’a healthy over here,” she added. “I literally cut you open. That is a new low for me.” 

But Hoagie wasn’t listening. He was staring off again. Only this time, his face was more pensive. She tapped him on the shoulder to wake him. “I was trying to remember the name...of that man I used to buy chili dogs from.” His lips moved to one side. “Now I can’t remember it.” 

“Well, we can’t remember everything, Numbuh 2. No one can.” 

But his stare grew intense. “Ask me something. Something about our past.” 

“Uh...” Abby scooted back. “What was the stuff Nurse Clayborne put in her crumble? You talked about that for months.” 

“Oh right. It was...” he froze. “Let’s see it was...gross, I remember that. No, I got it! It was...no, wait that’s not it.” Then, he stopped. “I don’t remember.”

“That’s okay,” Abby said. “Let’s try something else.”

“I don’t think the recommissioning is permanent,” he said. “The Cinnamon isn’t powerful enough to fully reverse the effects. It can only do it for a short time.” 

“Y-you don’t know that,” she bartered. “People forget stuff all the time. I don’t remember everything from back then. You can keep the important stuff.” 

“Numbuh 5...did I fly here? I feel like I flew here but...” He looked around. “This place doesn’t look familiar. Are we on the moon base?” He looked at his arm. “Why is there a tie on my arm?” 

“Baby,” she pulled on his arm. “Don’t give into it, okay. You get up and we’re gonna go face our fears and find Numbuh 1. Okay?” She stood to her feet, but his arm was limp. Her pulling it didn’t give it any life. “Numbuh 2, come on!” 

“It’s melting away...” he said. “Ugh I’m going to be so pissed at myself. God, that’s a weird sentence.” 

“No, no. No.” She went back to the ground. “No, we’re so close. It can’t end yet.” 

“I couldn’t find anything on the recommissioning module...They don’t need them out here.” he said. “Stupid Numbuh 86 fixed it. Stupid Numbuh 86. She’s not smarter than me. How come she fixed it?” 

“Numbuh 2...there wasn’t enough time.” 

“I can never do anything. I never win anything. That’s why I’m always alone. I’m always alone. Stupid Numbuh 86. Stupid Numbuh 1. Stupid everything,” he grumbled at such a fast pace, Abby couldn’t really hear him. Then, he gasped. “I never said goodbye to Numbuh 4! Or Numbuh 3!” He scrambled up. “I gotta...I gotta...” Holding his head, he stumbled backwards. “I gotta tell Numbuh 1 I’m sorry.” 

“Hoagie.”

“Numbuh 4 is gonna be so mad.” 

“Baby.” 

His hands clasped over his face. “No. I don’t wanna go back. I don’t wanna go back. I don’t wanna be that person. I don’t like the dark. I don’t wanna go back. I don’t wanna be alone. I don’t like being alone, Numbuh 5. I don’t do good alone!” 

She touched his arm. “Hey!” she said, urgently. “You are not alone. You might feel lonely and you might not remember any’a this, but as long as you want me, I will be here.” 

He stopped hyperventilating. 

“You won’t always see me in the dark, but I’m sittin’ right there with you. Here. Right here. Is where I want to be. And nothin’ in this whole Universe could get me to move.” 

He groaned more pushing his hands into his eyes. “God, my head...” he said. He blinked his eyes. “What the...where are my glasses?” He fumbled around his chest. “Oh yeah, that’s right. Still not used to that.” Then, he noticed the tie, which was no longer around his neck. “What the...” 

Abby smiled, realizing he hadn’t heard a word she said. “Welcome back, Captain. You have a nice trip?” 

Hoagie put on his goggles. “Well, the good news is I’m probably allergic to Cinnamon. My sinuses are having a dance party.” He looked around the floor, locating his cap. “The bad news is, no memories. So it looks like we’re going on a suicide mission. Hot-dog!” He went to put on his coat and fixed his tie, looking out the window with a puzzled expression. “Where...are we?” 

“On a suicide mission,” she said. 

He squinted at her. “We’re on the mission right now.” 

“Mhmm.” 

“I don’t remember...” he turned around again. “Getting here. And where are the love birds at?” He grimaced. “They’re not having sex, are they?” 

“I sure hope not,” Abby confessed, honestly thinking that could have been a possibility. 

“Wait. Wait a minute. We’re not in the—” 

Abby nodded. 

“But that would mean.” 

“Yes.” 

“So we—” 

“Uh-huh.”

“Which means I...” His face brightened as he realized. 

“You did it.” 

His brows lifted. “I did it?” Then. “I did it.” His hands clasped Abby’s forearms. “We did it...” She nodded. “Ha-ha! We did it!” He picked her up by the legs swinging her around and around. When he set her down, he backed away a bit. “How was I? Was I funny?” 

“Not even a little bit.” 

“Ha-ha!” He danced around himself again before freezing. “Oh, crap. We’re on a mission. I need to be quiet, huh?” He hunched over, whispering. “Stealth, mission.” 

“Well...” Abby confessed. “Not exactly.” 

“So...” Hoagie stared at the screen. “They all just abandoned their posts for ice cream?” 

“Pretty much.” 

“Jeez, Children. Sort out your priorities, why don’t ya?” He examined the ships further. “They can’t get into the S.L.I.N.G.S.H.O.T. at all. That’s diabolical.” 

“It was Kuki’s idea.”

Turning to Abby, he got excited again. “Ooh! Did we get Nigel Uno? Is he coming with us?” 

“I haven’t...” Abby tried not to be too embarrassed. “Gone down to Quarantine yet.” 

“Oh. Did something happen?” Hoagie looked back at the screen. “Did we miss something?” 

“N-No,” she mumbled as she pulled the brim of her hat over her eyes. 

“Oh, Abigail,” he chuckled. “You saved a bunch of misfits, carried them across space, rescued a lost operative, hacked into a high-security military base without hurting a single child. You’re seriously the most badass being in the whole Universe. Don’t let this be the thing that stops you,” he said. “We get the code module, we win either way. What have you got to lose?” 

She nodded, swallowing her blush. “Okay. Let’s go.” 

She put the coordinates in and teleported them to the Quarantine area. Hoagie was dizzy, but Abby had gotten used to it. The area was a barren tree, not fresh like the others. Petrified. 

“You ready?” 

But as she began to walk toward the door, Hoagie did not go with her. “Actually, I think I’m gonna stay.” 

She stopped. “You can’t give me a speech like that and then chicken out.” 

“Abby, I don’t know Nigel. It wouldn’t make a difference if I came.” 

“Yes, it will!” She went back to him. “He’ll see you and he’ll remember all the good times you had together. He’ll realize how important Earth is, and the Kids Next Door. You’re not honestly gonna make me go alone?” 

“I hear you,” he said. “But this computer has backlogs of information of the Galactic Kids Next Door. Classified documents. Advanced technology. Tested data on the virus, far more than what we have. And if they are planning something with the Khlorophill it will be in those files. I guarantee it. If we leave, I might not be able to access it from out of range.” 

“Right. Science always comes first.” 

“Hey. No,” he insisted. “Our planet comes first. If there is something in there that can save it, that can give us an edge, so we can fight Father and rescue the kids he stole, then I have to look for it.” He sighed. “Nigel is your mission. He always was. But he’s not mine.” 

“Okay. That’s fair,” she agreed. She held out her hand. “Good work, Soldier.” 

He shook it. “It was an honor, Sir.” 

But as she let go, he tightened his grip. 

“Abby.”

She stopped. He grinned. 

“Kick his ass.” 

The Quarantine area was quite small, which Abby was expecting. However, it was larger than she thought. As she carefully navigated the area, though strangely it looked deserted. Not too many Adults trespassed the high-security area, she assumed. But there was something odd about that too. She called out to see if anyone was hiding in the back of their rooms but didn’t hear a thing. A long-ways in, she noticed broken glass on the ground...following a trail to an empty cell. Someone had escaped. 

“Numbuh 1?” she called. There was no answer. 

She kept moving. She felt like she had walked an eternity before a shadow revealed itself through one of the windows. Holding her S.C.A.M.P.P. to the glass, she shot through it, shattering the door. No alarm sounded, as Hoagie still managed to take over the security. 

With a deep breath, she stepped in. 

“Well,” she said, leaning her weapon on her shoulder. “You would not believe what I’ve been through to get here.” 

The teenage boy in the corner slowly turned to face her, stepping out of the shadow that was hiding him. “A-Abby?” 

“It’s me, Baby,” she said, stepping over the glass. “I got tired’a waitin, so I came to get you.” 

Nigel stared at her, not sure if he were in a dream. “Abby. What are you doing here?” He stepped forward. “Y-You broke the quarantine!” 

Abby frowned. “That’s it? Not a hello? How’ve you been? How’d you get in here?” 

“How the heck did you get in here?” 

“Ice cream trick,” she said confidently. 

“Abby, goodness. When I said not to leave the planet, I meant not to leave the planet!” 

“Sorry to burst yo’ bubble,” she snickered. “I gotta write that one down.” 

Nigel wouldn’t get too close to her, and even found himself backing away. “This is not a joke.” 

“Numbuh 1, listen. You gotta convince the G:KND to recommission Earth. Father has risen to power and wants to make childhood illegal!” 

“I quarantined the Earth for a reason.” 

Abby blinked. “Uh...did you not hear what I just said? Father. Illegalizing childhood. Without the Kids Next Door, we got no chance.” 

Nigel sighed. “If I break the quarantine, the virus could spread again.” 

Abby glared at him, incredulously. “Nigel, those kids.” 

“They’re not Kids,” he said. “They’re diseased from birth. They don’t know what true Childhood is, as we don’t. You can’t expect me to sacrifice the integrity of these real Children for humans who are just going to grow up to be Adults anyway.” 

“You’re serious.” She took a step away from him. “You wanted this?” 

“Of course I don’t want this!” he said. “The only way to truly save those Children, to save us, is to find the cure for the virus. That’s what I’m doing! And what you’ve done has really made a mess of things!” 

“And what if there is no virus?” 

That almost made Nigel laugh. “Listen to that. Listen to what you’re saying. No virus. Abby, that’s Adult nonsense.” 

Abby tried to catch her breath. 

“You’ve been away so long...” he said, approaching her. “Fed all kinds of lies. It isn’t your fault.” 

“Numbuh 1, I don’t think—” 

“Vine has the virus, Abby. She contracted it from me. She was sent to quarantine just hours ago. It’s spreading and the only way to stop it is to stop it for good.” 

“Vine...you mean, Lizzie—” She shook her head. “But that’s impossible. That’s not...” 

“I made a mistake letting you stay down there,” he said. “I should have insisted you join the G:KND. I know you didn’t want to leave your family. But Abby it’s gone on too long. You and I can find a cure together. Don’t you see? You don’t have to suffer on Earth. You can stay here. Stay. I promise we’ll figure something out.” 

“Nigel.”

“You’ll get top-of-the-line care. Ample treatment. And we won’t have to be apart anymore. We don’t have to grow up. We can be kids. Forever. Isn’t that what anyone wants?” 

Abby’s mind was spinning. Stay. It was easy enough, right? Just stay. Numbuh 362 could get the code module, she could take care of Earth. Nigel was right. Why did she have to suffer? She had for a long time, too long. Didn’t she deserve happiness too? Wasn’t that what anyone wanted? An endless childhood? A beautiful, innocent, flawless...lie. 

“No,” she said. 

“No?” 

“That’s not what everyone wants,” she said. 

“That’s why the Kids Next Door exists. It’s what we fight for.” 

She shook her head. “It’s not what I want,” she said. 

“Of course it is.” 

“I’m tired, Nigel. I’m tired of not feeling like a person anymore, and just feelin’ like a problem. Aren’t you tired of it? Bein’ sad all the time cause you ain’t a kid no more. I wanna like myself again. I wanna drive a car. I wanna cuss sometimes, cause Lord knows I need it. I wanna like my life. All of it. Maybe if life wasn’t so horrible for adults, they wouldn’t make life so horrible for kids. Maybe there’s a way we all get to be free. That’s what everyone wants.” 

“We’ll never be children,” he said, his eyes sharp on her. “So we can’t be free. Not until I do something to change it. As long as the virus exists it will continue to destroy childhood.”

“This place isn’t real, Numbuh 1,” she said. “I know you want it to be, but it’s not.” 

She unclipped the sunglasses from her chest, holding them out to him. 

“It’s time to come home.” 

He looked at her for a long time before taking the sunglasses from her. “Oh, Abby,” he said solemnly. “What have they done to you?” 

“Nigel. Wait.” 

“I was a fool to think a soul could be pure enough to survive on that planet without corruption,” he whispered. “Numbuh 5 would never say she wanted to be an Adult. I don’t know who you are, but you’re not her.” 

“They’re lying to you, not me. I know about the Khlorophill, Nigel. I know they’re harvesting and storing it for some purpose they may or may not be telling you.” 

“Is that so?” A voice came from behind her. 

Abby turned to see a Tree-like Alien moving its branches. 

“Tell me, Abigail Lincoln. I’m sure we’d all be curious to know.” 

“We’re havin’ a conversation.” 

“Oh, I’d like to be involved,” they said. “Like how you snuck into our secret lab and tried to steal your code module back.” 

“Abby...” 

“What use could you have for that?” 

“Numbuh 362 is here,” she said, watching Nigel’s face expand in surprise. “She came to look for you and they sent her to the graveyard. They’re lying! About everything! She has the code module. And we have a recommissioning module.” 

“Poor sick humans,” the Alien shook their head. “Making up stories to justify their hideous transformation.” They grabbed her by the arm, wrapping a root around it. She reached for her S.C.A.M.P.P., but it crashed to the floor. 

“Get off of me!” 

“Illegal possession of unauthorized Memories. Trespassing on Child property without a permit. Hacking into the security system. Breaking official quarantine,” they smiled. “Boy, you’ve been quite busy.” 

“Nigel!” 

But Nigel was solemn.

“You know what needs to be done,” he said. “I’m sorry for you to know the truth. But I can’t let you bring back the Earth Division. Too much is at risk.”

“Don’t do this...” she begged as she was pulled away. “Numbuh 1!” 

“Please, Abby. You’ll be happier this way. The truth has burdened you for too long. Let me take things from here.” 

Abby reached for her walkie-talkie, but a second root shot through it. 

“Nice try. But you know Numbuh 362 is gone,” they said. “Unless you were trying to call someone else?” 

She puffed. “No.” 

“Once I find the cure—” Nigel started. 

“Save it,” she said. “Keep your damn cure. I don’t want any part of it.” She straightened up. “Goodbye, Nigel. Whatever this is, I hope it was worth it.” 

The vine pulled her out of the cell as Nigel got smaller and smaller. She knew that she had no choice now but to hope Numbuh 362 and the others pulled through. 

“Hey! Anyone there? Hello!!” 

Hoagie picked up his walkie talkie. “Kuki?” 

“Thank goodness! Where are you?!” 

“Abigail took the ship to Quarantine to find Uno,” he said. “Why? Did something happen?” 

“Rachel’s gone, man. We’ve looked all over but we can’t find her, so we thought she was with you,” Wally said. “Your machine must’a worked, cause I got no idea where the bloody fuck we are!” 

“Okay, uh...just hang on a sec. Abigail? Abigail, can you hear me?” 

Nothing. 

“That’s not good,” Kuki said. 

“I’m supposed to wait for her.” 

“Dude. I got a bad feelin’ about all of this.” 

“Okay okay. I’m coming to get you. Just hang tight. If something happened to Rachel she will probably end up in Quarantine anyway. We’ll look for them together.” 

“Come on!” They pulled her along. “Let’s make this quick. I’m busy.” 

Abby had difficulty resisting, the root was wrapped tightly around her wrist. “I know that voice,” she thought aloud. “You’re the Alien who worked in the Arctic Sector. Your Numbuh had a decimal in it.” 

They didn’t respond. 

“You have to listen to me!” she begged. “Everything we know about the aging virus is wrong. I need an audience with the council. Nigel is—” They continued to ignore her. “You don’t care, do you?” 

“I really don’t.” 

“How come you’re here anyway?” Abby asked. “Don’t like ice cream?”

“I’m lactose intolerant,” they replied. 

“Lactose intolerant?” She stopped walking, and they followed. “No Kid admits they’re lactose intolerant.” Then, a chill ran down her spine. “You have the virus.” 

“Wow. That was a leap,” the Alien said.

Abby clawed her fingers around the root, her arms shaking. “L-Let me go.” 

“Oh, now you’re scared of me,” They replied moving toward her. “You’re scared of Adults. That’s adorable.” 

Abby pulled harder. 

“You should be afraid of Kids. Careless things. Unaware of consequences or the effects of their actions, breeding chaos wherever they go.” They sighed with delight. “How I miss it.” 

Abby used her entire body weight, now desperate to escape. “Don’t you touch me!”

“Please,” They scoffed. “I’m not that old.” 

Abby relaxed, but only a little. The root yanked her forward. 

They reached a small room, the size of a janitor’s closet, with a single chair that resembled something of an electric one. In front of it was a television screen, turned off. For now. 

“Alright. Let’s get this over with,” they said. 

Abby stared at the empty chair, her belly filling with fear. 

“Oh, I remember. You’ve done this before.” 

Her neck tightened. 

“I wanna say it’s easier the second time, but I don’t know myself.” 

“I know about the Khlorophill,” she said. “I know you’re planning a war. But you don’t have to. We don’t have to be enemies.” 

They didn’t say anything but used a branch to push her forward. Soon, she forgot about them altogether. It was just her and the chair. Her thoughts weren’t on anyone or anything else. Not Nigel. Not Sector V. Not the planet. It was a moment of clean lucidity. Despite her fear, there was a call to it, as though fate had summoned her to this place. To the chair. Everything else fell away. She fell away. There was only the chair. The chair...

...and the static. 

END TRANSMISSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: self-harm, improper use of illegal drugs and implied abuse/trauma.


	4. M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (PART ONE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby is on a time-limit to stop her brain from being decommissioned. A near-impossible task while trapped in her own memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays Everyone! 
> 
> Heavy Content warning here: This next chapter is the only one where I would consider the content *explicit* even for this story which has dark themes and violence. Please feel free to skip any and all sexual content if you find yourself uncomfortable with it. 
> 
> Btw: Brownie points if you can guess the films/shows my episodes are parodying. Most are very easy but not all of them! :) Film buffs should get this chapter's though!

Now Loading...

Codename: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (Part One) 

Many  
Emotional  
Moments  
Originate  
Right  
In  
Everyone’s  
Subconscious 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network

*Trigger warning: See end chapter notes for content* 

Episode 21

Abby didn’t know whether or not to clench her eyes shut or stare at the static. She probably should have chosen to close her eyes, but the static was too alluring. She waited, remembering full-well what was in store for her. Mostly. She knew at any moment the plunger would leap out of the screen and in an instant her life would be sucked out of her. Yes, she would be able to breathe, to speak, to do anything a living person could do. But the person she knew was facing the guillotine. Whatever she knew of them. Perhaps it wasn’t as much as she thought. Abigail Lincoln would survive, but Numbuh 5 was standing with a noose around her neck, waiting to meet the unknown darkness of death. Would it be eternal? Would she be rescued last minute? Would Nigel have a change of...

Her face soured. 

She glared at the static, her breath getting short. It should’ve activated by now. She looked up as the member of the G:KND who had strapped her in the chair, re-entered the room. A technical malfunction maybe? They were walking strangely, casually, as though nothing was wrong. She tried calling out to them and they ignored her, approaching the chair in muttered conversation. Suddenly, the screen switched off. What? Abby sat back as one of the operatives leaned over her. 

“It’s completely painless,” they said. “Blink and it’ll be over.” 

Abby blinked. It wasn’t over. That seemed familiar. Didn’t they just— 

The Operative pressed a button on the side of her chair. The cuffs holding her snapped open. Abby was more confused than ever. The long roots wrapped around her arm and dragged her out of the chair. 

“You’re letting me go?” 

“Oh, I remember. You’ve done this before,” they said. 

Abby was confused. 

“I wanna say it’s easier the second time, but I don’t know myself.”

“T-The second time?” 

Moving backwards out of the room, the Alien pulled her without even looking at her, grumbling about the same old things. She tried to ask them where they were going. What was going on? Did Nigel really have some sort of change of heart? Were they helping her escape because they felt bad for her? But they wouldn’t answer her questions. In fact, the way they were talking sounded much like they were taking her to prison than giving her freedom. Down the hall, through the corridor, back into the QUARANTINE, she was dragged until she was thrown into a broken cell and abandoned. There with her, was Nigel, who looked no different than when she left him. 

She huffed. “Here I thought you’d gone bananas.” She lifted her brow. “You finally get a brain in that hot head’a yours?” 

Nigel avoided her gaze. “I’m sorry, Abby.” 

“Yeah you better be—” 

“You know what needs to be done.” he interrupted. 

“Actually, I don’t!” She pointed out the window. “I have absolutely no idea what is goin’ on!” 

“I can’t let you end the Quarantine. Too much is at risk.” 

She inhaled sharply. “You said that before.” 

Nigel turned to her, his face changing. “You and I can find a cure together. Don’t you see? You don’t have to suffer on Earth you can stay here. Stay. I promise we’ll figure something—” 

Abby backed away. “Nig—” 

“Abby?” 

Abby stiffened. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Suddenly, it all became clear. She bit her lip and backed away. “You’re...you’re not...This is...” Her breath grew shallow. “I’m still--” 

Nigel tried to approach her. “Abby? What’s wrong?” 

But Abby was petrified. “I remember.” This was how it began. The lights above her began to flicker out, the walls running like paint around her. The word echoed audially into the room. 

Decommissioning. 

Her heart-rate rose. Nigel attempted to touch her, but she stumbled backwards. No. This wasn’t happening. Not again. No. She turned from him and sprinted as fast as she could out of the cell, down the hall. She kept running. She heard Nigel calling her name, but she couldn’t listen. Tears of rage streamed down her face. It was his fault. It was all his fault. Her body hit something hard and soft at the same time, stopping her in her tracks. The figure braced itself. 

“Abigail?” 

Abby looked behind her but saw no one coming after her. She knew that darkness would soon follow. The tidal wave was unstoppable. But she could out-run it. She had to out-run it. 

“Hey. Abigail. Are you okay?” she heard between her heavy breaths. “What is it?” 

She looked up to see Hoagie’s curious eyes. She grabbed his arm, yanking him out of the room. “We’re leaving.” 

“Leaving?” he asked as she tugged him along. “But the miss—” 

“There is no mission. We’re done with the mission. We gotta find Wally and Kuki before...” Her mind started to spin again. “Just c’mon.” 

“What about Nigel Uno—” 

“God!” she screamed. “Even in my brain you’re always askin’ stupid questions!” 

“Abby!” she heard him call, his voice was getting quieter. “Numbuh 5! Where are we going?” 

“Away from here!” 

Finally, in the haze, she caught a glimpse of Wally and Kuki along with Rachel. With them, stood their ship parked exactly as she remembered. She let go of Hoagie and ran to them, scooping Wally and Kuki into her arms. 

“Thank god you’re okay...” she whispered into their ears as they looked at each other curiously. “There’s still time.” She pushed away from them. “Quick get on the ship!” But they stared at her, not moving. “What are you waitin’ for?” 

“It’s time,” Rachel spoke. 

Abby bitterly turned around, but behind her saw nothing but blackness. Her chest lifted. She spun back around to face Rachel, clenching her fists angrily. “Bring him back!” She stopped, noticing Wally and Kuki also vanishing to the darkness. “No!”

Rachel remained, looking at her. “It’s time, Abigail,” she said again. “It’s time to let go.” 

But Abby wasn’t about to listen. She ran into the ship, at least she thought she did. The images around her were blurry, but she wasn’t sure if it was her tears or the nature of her memories. She took off in the spaceship and flew out of range, flying and flying as far as she could, as fast as she could, things swirling around her as her heart rate increased. Without realizing it, she ran the ship into the ground, falling backwards. Shutting her eyes, she groaned before looking up into the glowing eyes of an Alien bug. She screamed, rolling over as a figure soared over the bug, striking it dead. 

“Abby.” Rachel said again. “You need to relax.” 

But Abby couldn’t stop her mind from spinning. Relax? There was a giant bug over her! Something was happening. Nothing felt real. She recognized this feeling. Her eyes grew wide. 

Am I being decommissioned?

No, that couldn’t be right. However, the strange haze over everything gave her pause. Colors were a bit brighter, nothing felt connected, as though she were in a lucid dream. No. I’m asleep, she thought. But Abby didn’t dream often. If she did, they were memories or realistic nightmares. But she couldn’t remember how she got there or what was happening, just ‘I gotta get out of here.’ She looked up at the figure who saved her, who was wearing a mask. 

Rachel approached her. “Abigail Lincoln?” 

“Rachel?” Abby blinked. 

The girl took off her mask. Brown human eyes shown with recognition and excitement. “Ha! I knew you’d make it out here one of these days! Take that, Taglor!” 

“What is goin’ on here!” Wally’s voice echoed behind her. “Don’t tell me you know this crazy lady too.”

“Just how many sexy space blondes do you know?!” 

Abby sat, startled at the face before her...overwhelmed with the strongest sense of déjà vu. Rachel started talking to her, but she couldn’t really pay attention to what she was saying. This...all of this...it happened before. She tried to squint but couldn’t see Rachel’s features very well. She couldn’t remember them.

Remember them. 

Then Abby understood. 

This wasn’t real. It was a memory. That’s why nothing made sense. But if this was a memory...

She looked around, watching the darkness envelop the scene. She couldn’t understand the words anyone spoke anymore. They were shouting at her, pleading with her, but it was all a jumbled mess. She did hear one thing: 

“Don’t panic.” 

Don’t panic? She stood to her feet, breaking away from Rachel who eventually vanished. Wally and Kuki looked at each other, concerned. 

“Abby!” Kuki ran to her friend’s side. “Are you okay? You look sick—” 

Abby backed away from her. She turned to start running again but every time she turned around, she found herself in a different scene. Or at least, that was as much as she knew. She eventually stumbled upon her room on the ship. Exhausted, she sat down on the edge of it. It was a thick, firm mattress with minimal bedding. She felt as though she were on a military cot. 

Decommissioning. She started to laugh, a little at first, then hysterically, as more tears began flooding down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop. No matter how hard she tried, her grief was overbearing. 

“I’ll uh...” she heard a nasally voice say. “I can leave if you’d rather be alone.” 

Two desperate hands reached forward, grabbing the collar of a cotton shirt. Abby stood to her feet, almost getting nose to nose with the boy in front of her. “Don’t. You. Dare,” she hissed. 

Hoagie swallowed. 

She felt something wet seep into the sides of her shoes. She looked down, watching the floor fill up with water. “That’s not right...” she whispered. “We missed a part.” She pushed Hoagie off and dove into the growing puddle. 

“Your brain is probably making associations,” he said. 

“If it’s gonna fuck with me the least it can do is do it in chronological order!” she snapped. She didn’t hear a response from him. “No! Stop! This is my brain I order you to stop!” she shouted into the water as she thrashed around. 

Hoagie tried to pull her up. “Abby...Abby-Abby-Abby—”he tried. “It’s okay.” 

The water rose up more. Abby shot up. “Will you cut it out? I’m tryin’ to save you!” 

His voice was cold. “I never asked you to do that.” 

“You wanna disappear?!” 

“That’s not really a fair question,” he said. “And I won’t disappear. We’re in your memor—” 

“I know where we are! You don’ t think I know where we are?” 

“Abigail...calm--” 

“You know, just cause you’re okay with you dying don’t mean I’m okay with it! Tellin’ me to calm down...” she laughed sarcastically. “They’re killing you and you don’t even care!” Her hands shoved him back as hard as her muscles would let her. 

Hoagie grabbed her shoulders. “Numbuh 5!” he shouted. The water was up to their knees now. “I am not going to die.” 

Abby’s lip trembled as she looked into his serious eyes. “Yes, you are,” she confessed. She felt his grip relax. “Numbuh 2, Numbuh 3, Numbuh 4...I am the one keepin’ them alive. Me. I know them. I’m the only one who still knows them! Without me remembering them, they’ll disappear! I won’t let them disappear! Not after everything I did to keep them alive!” 

“Ab--” 

“No!” She screamed, slamming her pointer finger into the water. “That is not how this is gonna end!” She stopped, catching her breath. Taking a moment to breathe, she felt the water rise up even more. “Please tell me...” she quieted. “That’s not how it ends...” 

Abby stopped, feeling a cool pressure surround her entire body. Every inch of her skin was burning. 

“I’m sorry, Abby,” he said, his voice cracking quietly as he pulled her close to him. “I’m so sorry.” 

Abby let his words sink into her as the water moved to her waist. His words that she now knew were just her own reflected back to her. Her arms twitched, her tense raised shoulders dropping. She found her hands opening and her arms moving upward trying to move around him. They couldn’t reach enough to raise past her elbows, though, and she hesitantly felt the air moving against her action. 

She lowered her forehead into Hoagie’s shoulder as she felt his embrace.

“I tried so hard and it didn’t even matter,” she said. 

“It mattered.” 

The fabric she held onto vanished then. The lights in the room flickered off as she found herself in the escape pod, the rising water waiting to engulf her. She shivered, realizing she was alone. Swimming up to the top of the pod, she pounded on the metal. The glint from the A.X. caught her eye as she swam down to grab it. With a mighty swing, she broke through the top, the water crashing in and throwing her down the bottom. She swam up to the top again, breaking through the surface. Everywhere she looked there were toilet paper rolls. She could hear Kuki calling her, watching Wally and the Toiletnator’s banter as they flipped over her head. Associations, she thought. Suddenly, her body grew heavier. She felt her body sinking below the water’s surface. However, she didn’t struggle. Instead, she allowed herself to sink to the bottom finding herself on her knees, her wrists cuffed together, staring at a metal door. She looked at it, blankly, getting up to stand before it. She didn’t speak, but simply rested her forehead on the cool surface. She wasn’t wet anymore, although she didn’t know why she would be. Wet was the only thing she could remember about the last memory. Last memory. What was it? She sighed. 

It didn’t matter. 

“I’m getting you out of here,” Maurice’s voice broke her thoughts. But Abby didn’t give him any attention. “Abby?” 

“I’m being decommissioned, Maurice,” she spoke gruffly. “It’s over. I lost.” 

He was silent, but she could feel him there. 

“It happened once before. Long time ago. I never told you. Never told anyone.” She looked down at the cuffs, then back at the door. “It ain’t like rippin’ off a band aid.” She sighed. “You’re lucky, Maurice.” 

“I don’t always feel lucky.” 

Her nose flared. “I should’a gone with you.” 

“You would never have done that. You wouldn’t have left them.” 

“Only good thing I ever did for them was finally riddin’ myself from their lives.” 

“Do you really believe that?” 

Abby smiled. “You should know better than anyone what we believe don’t matter.” The smile faded as quickly as it came. 

She opened her mouth and let out a melody, hot tears still trickling down her cheeks one at a time. She could see her memories flicker by her like a collage, all happy ones. All gone the instant they flashed before her. 

“Why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain’t ever gonna fly  
Why you wanna fly, Blackbird?  
You ain’t ever gonna fly  
Ain’t no room enough for holdin’  
All those tears you gonna cry” 

“I forget you sang,” Wally said, his head lying in the sand. 

Abby tried to turn her head, but it was so heavy she had trouble. “I forget too sometimes.” 

There was a pause. “You gonna forget this too?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Bummer.” 

She paused for a long time. “Past and present are an illusion. The only things that are real are in this moment, and in this moment, there’s only one question that needs to be answered,” she said, almost in a trance. 

“Huh?” 

“Somebody told me that once.” 

“What’s the question?”

“I can’t remember.” 

“Must not’ve been that important then.” 

“Guess not.” 

Abby felt the warm sand in her hair, the hot sun on her skin. The sky was so blue like a gemstone. The particles in the air formed geometric shapes that flowed in and out of each other like an animal breathing. Like the sky was breathing. She lifted her hand, the vibrations giving her the illusion of brushing fingers against atoms and molecules, the very fabric of the universal tapestry. Her other hand felt the sand, every grain molding around her. Laid to rest, she thought. Encased in gold. A proper burial. 

“You know what?” Wally said after a while, his words slurring more than usual. “I think I finally understand the Beatles.” 

Abby slapped her hand over her palm, laughing. 

“What?” 

She didn’t stop laughing. 

As they settled into what would’ve been silence, an ear-piercing scream shattered the sky like glass, breaking the tapestry as the blue poured and puddled like rain. She heard the scream again and leapt to her feet, trying to cover herself from the incoming rain. This, though. This wasn’t rain. It was thick and oily. 

Paint. 

Kuki. 

She left Wally, who faded into the blue storm as she meandered through the landscape. High trees, thick grass, rough rocks, she had to get there. Where was Kuki? What was she doing? She couldn’t let this happen. She searched and searched but could not find Kuki. She could only hear her calling her name. Calling for her to fight by her side. And where was she? She didn’t know. 

The blue filled her vision, soon followed by greens and reds, primary secondary, every color of the rainbow fell onto her like Jackson Pollack splatters on canvas. Over the land, onto her skin, she started to feel sick. In the distance, she heard the thudding of heavy footsteps. They shook the earth, a giant. Where was Kuki? Abby ran toward the sound of the thuds, hoping to find Kuki wherever the noise was coming from. She found herself in a white room, face to waist with a giant Rainbow Monkey. She looked up and gulped as it swung at her. Quickly, she bolted the opposite direction, finding herself on a barren-looking planet. If it was the moon, there was no base. It was just grey rock. She looked above, what should have been stars were encased in a grey fog. 

She could hear the faint sound of singing around her. 

Rainbow Monkey  
Rainbow Monkey  
Oh so very round and super chunky 

As she walked, she could see the stuffed animals lying down on the ground, face down. She noticed a few of them were old, their stitching coming undone. Some had lost limbs, their stuffing bleeding into the earth.

Spreading love wherever they go  
Every one is made of a big rainbow

A bright red monkey caught her attention, practically glowing. The only red one. Walking towards it, she flipped it over, its smiling face freshly stitched. She felt like crying again, but she didn’t know why. The other monkeys were melting around her, their colors seeping into the ground creating a colorful mural of saturated hues. The monkey in her own arms looked at her horrified as it too began to melt, leaving a skeleton behind. She dropped it, backing up, feeling the paint splattering all over her shoes. The paint turned to black tar, sticking her to the ground. She yanked and pulled but could not escape it. The world dissolved into a dull neutral. Then, to one grey slate. Her hands slammed over her eyes. She preferred black nothingness to this. She just wanted it to be over. 

Please, let it be over soon. 

“It’s blurbleberry,” she heard a voice say, a small eleven-year-old boy with no hair in a bright red shirt stood out against the color-devoid landscape. Holding a lollypop out to his friend, he smiled innocently. 

“Nigel,” she said. 

The boy’s grinned widened. 

“Why?” she whispered with a grimace. Looking up, she could see the boy showing tears in his eyes as the lollypop transformed into a pair of tiny round sunglasses. “I never asked for any of this. Why did you do this to me?” 

“I knew you could do it,” he said. “You were always the leader, Abby. Not me.” 

“You never even asked if I wanted to be,” she replied. “And then you left and decommissioned everyone. Well, congratulations, Nigel. You got your wish. There ain’ t gonna be a Kids Next Door,” she spoke with derision. “Not for me.” 

“I wanted to protect you—” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Abby—” 

“For god sakes, Nigel! When will you just leave me alone!” she snapped. 

“I just—” 

“This is because of you, isn’t it?” She continued, not heeding him. “You did this to me just like you did it to Earth just like you’re gonna do it to everyone else because you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing!” She shook her head. “Those aliens are not your friends. We were your friends! Are...were...ugh!” 

Abby turned from him. Floating in front of her was the red rainbow monkey, seemingly back from the dead. She glared at it. 

“You know...they think they own it. Childhood. The adults who make these damn things...” She kicked the rainbow monkey and it sank into oblivion. “And we don’t know no better. Cause they told us they did. And we believed them. We believed in rainbow monkeys. We bought them, and they bought us. And now whenever we look at’em, we feel like childhood ain’ t that far away.” Her nose was stuffed again. “But it’s a lie, isn’t it?” she choked. “I want it back, Nigel.” 

“Only kids can be in the Kids Next Door,” she heard him say. “You know that.”

“I don’t wanna go back to the Kids Next Door,” Abby stated bitterly. She turned to the child with fiery eyes. “I want a revolution.” 

Nigel looked at her, stunned, not sure what to say. 

“And I don’t want you in it,” she snarled. “The only good thing about any of this is that I never have to see you again.”

“You don’t mean that.” 

“Get out!” she screamed, throwing her hat at him. “Get out of my head and get out of my life!” 

“Abby.” It was a new voice this time. Abby turned, a bright green snaking around her as metal walls encased the set. The floor hardened and she could walk again. Her eyes met a woman’s. “I’m taking you home,” the woman said. Abby felt the tears returning. 

“Oh Cree,” she stumbled toward her sister, whose eyes quickly turned from defensiveness to compassion. “What do I do? I’m gonna lose everything.” 

Cree accepted her blubbering sister into her arms as Abby buried her nose into her chest. “Abby.” 

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way...” she whimpered. 

“It isn’t supposed to be this way,” Cree corrected gently. 

Abby gripped her sister’s shoulders, a new kind of desperation falling on her face. “How do I stop it?” 

Cree was silent. 

“Tell me how to stop it!” 

“Oh, sweet baby sister.” Cree stepped back. 

Abby saw her bittersweet look and wilted. 

“You can’t.” 

The floor shook, the broccoli spreading over the base walls. The images started to flash again. Abby started to let go, but Cree’s strong arms held her firm. “Abby listen,” Cree continued. “Listen to me. You need to relax.” 

“Relax?! Why do y’all keep sayin’ that?” 

“The more you panic, the faster the memories will go. You’ll lose control and the more you lose it the more memories the machine’ll take.” 

“What does that mean?!” Abby was clearly not relaxing. 

“Remember the first time.” 

“The first time?” 

The scene began to change again, Cree beginning losing her form.

“Cree!!” 

She could still hear her voice. 

“The more you fight it, the worse it will be! You have to relax and let it happen!” 

“Cree!” Abby screamed again. “Cree! Don’t leave me!” 

“Just breathe! Live in the moment!” 

Her memories continued to surround her, as though hitting the rewind button. She couldn’t register them save for the faces and the themes. As quickly as they came, they disappeared. 

“Cree!” 

The images moved faster and faster, large chunks skipped over. They moved around her, but she couldn’t touch them. She couldn’t talk to them. They were slipping away too fast. No. She wanted to say goodbye. Not yet. Please. 

At least let me say goodbye! 

She grabbed her hat. 

Okay, Numbuh 5. Relax. You can do this. Just breathe. 

But it was easier said than done. She closed her eyes, hearing the words of her memories once again. Sentences, smiles, laughs, tears...

“Never. Again.” 

Abby inhaled, quieting her mind. 

Live in the moment. Live in the moment. Live in the moment. 

Everything stopped. 

On that early morning, Abby awoke at the sound of her alarm. Her long black hair snaked around her, messy and banded. She groaned, stretching her arm over to the nightstand where her phone played an upbeat, but simple song. She thumbed around the wood, trying to find the device. She was beginning to regret not having set an actual alarm clock. Annoyed, she finally grabbed the phone from the desk and held it up over her head. Her eyebrows flattened. 6:00am. Her finger swiped the screen, disarming the alarm with her security code. She plopped the phone back down on the bed, not even wanting to think about school that day. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes she finally resolved that there was no choice. Pushing herself off the bed, she tossed her legs over the edge, her black shorts sticking to her thighs. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the knots which twisted with its frizzy texture. She slid off the edge of the bed, grabbing a towel for her shower.

When she returned, there was a message on her cell phone. She looked at it with dismay. Twisting the towel over her hair, she listened to the message, hoping it wasn’t urgent. She re-dialed the number, sitting down at the mirror. The phone sat between her ear and her shoulder. It rang twice before a boy picked up on the other end. 

“Talk to me.”

Location: GKND Headquarters QUARANTINE 

Nigel Uno paced back and forth, his mind riddled with guilt. No, he thought. He did the right thing. Abby would thank him once they found the cure, wouldn’t she? But deep down he knew that wasn’t the case. In fact, for the first time in a long while, he was beginning to feel uneasy about his plan. He clutched his head, groaning. And the others, would he really send them back to Earth to deal with Father with no experience? Perhaps he himself should go with them? Yes. Perhaps...no, no! What was he saying? Earth was a diseased planet and he was one of the diseased! If he didn’t stay, what would become of Chad? What would become of his planet? Would the G:KND really have the capability to destroy his home if a cure could not be found? He needed to keep his wits about him. This was just temporary, anyway. A temporary fix so he could find a better solution. Abby would understand. She would. 

He stared down at the tiny sunglasses on the floor, seeing his own reflection in the lenses. 

She would. 

Location: Complicated

Happy memories move by fast, just as time moves faster in joy than it does in sorrow. The relativity of it all can be overlooked by those unaware of how to master it. This was true for Abby as she re-lived her memories. For she was surprised at how few happy ones she was able to recall. Tragedy seemed to be much more appealing to her subconscious attention. Perhaps there were more happy moments in Abby’s teenage years that she would have liked to remember. But she had been obsessed with the happiness of her past for so long, that happiness felt translucent, a mist of memory unappreciated in its true moment. Then again, all life is this way to a degree. The nature of the moment is, indeed, its passing. 

The picture on the screen was cutting in and out. Despite all their technology, the G:KND still failed at creating a useful and consistent mode of communication that accommodated for the Earth’s specific atmosphere. Abby wondered how they had spies on Earth at all with how difficult running the devices was. Nigel didn’t seem to notice the audio cutting in and out, since he was on some rampage about the cafeteria running out of pudding cups before he could get any. It turned out Kids ate the same thing no matter where in the Universe they were, and that sweets and sugars were an alien invention. Made sense, because Adults could never digest the stuff. Abby fiddled with the pen in her hand, only half-listening. 

And eventually, Nigel caught on. “Numbuh 5? Are you still there? Did I lose you?” 

“I’m still here,” She said. Though, she wasn’t truly. 

“So anyway I said this is ridiculous! Every Kid has a right to a pudding cup no matter who they are—” 

“You know, Numbuh 1 I’m really tired. Yeah. I think.” She held her forehead. “Can we do this some other time?” 

Over the line there was nothing but static for a while. “You rescheduled twice, we haven’t spoken in months and I can’t get away all that often. It isn’t like you to cancel. Something is wrong.”

“I’m fine.” 

“You can talk to me if you need.” 

Abby pushed her nose up with her palm. “I would love to talk about it, Nigel. But I can’t talk about it with the G:KND listenin’ in on every conversation makin’ sure Abby don’t break the rules.” 

“It’s for protection. The virus—” 

“I get that, Nigel. But—” 

“So just don’t talk about Teenager stuff.” 

“And how am I supposed to do that? That’s my life.” 

She could hear his voice getting defensive. “No, Abby. Stop it. It is not your life. It’s an illusion. You know that.” 

“Come on.” 

“You are not one of them! The more you give in to their world, the more the virus will take hold.” He sighed. “Have you gone on any more candy expeditions?” 

“I have too much homework. And softball. On top of the TND, which is a full-time job.” 

“I see.” He thought. “How about we—” 

“I don’t care about pudding cups.” 

Nigel was quiet. “O-Okay. What do you want to—"

“I want to share my life with you!” she said, startling herself. “Do you realize how hard it is havin’ a life that you can’t tell your best friend about? I lie to my sister. I lie to my so-called friends. And now that I’m in high school I gotta lie to you too?” 

“No one is asking you to lie...” 

“What do you think bein’ a Teenager is like, Nigel? Really? What do you think Adults do?” Her heart-rate was rising. She was feeling...angry. Angry at him. She had never been so angry at him. “Because if I told you they’d never let me talk to you again.” 

“This is the single most important mission in the history of the Universe,” he said. “I cannot compromise it. Not for anything!” 

“I know that.” she said. She reached for her hat. “I can’t believe childhood is over.” 

“Don’t say that. Abby. You don’t mean that.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “I am going to find the cure and then all of this will be over. Childhood will be back forever, you’ll see!” 

“You’re not comin’ back, are you?” she said. 

And Nigel gave his usual flustered response. “I will. When the cure is found.”

“And then all this will go away.”

“All this will go away.” 

Abby shook her head. “But it won’t. I might for you, but it won’t for me.” 

“That’s not true.”

“It is.” She glared at him. Her words pointed. “Because I will remember it.” And then with one last inhale, the words unraveled themselves like yarn. “I can’t do this anymore.” 

Nigel’s voice was tense, his eyes wide. “What do you mean by that?” 

“I want nothin’ more than to be together, Nigel. To keep what we’ve had and not just because we lost so much, though I can’t say that ain’t part of it.” Abby said with a pitiful smile. “But the older we get the clearer it is that this...this isn’t gonna work. At first, I thought it was just the distance, but it ain’t that at all. There will always be a part of me I gotta keep away. And I don’t want that. It’s too hard. It has to end.”

“Is that really what you want?” his voice was small. 

“I can’t have what I want,” Abby replied. “You gotta do your work, and I gotta do mine. And this is the only way it’s gonna get done.” 

“You said you would wait for me.” 

“And I will,” she reassured him. “As long as it takes. I want you to win.” She couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes. “I love you. But it has to end.” 

He flushed. “What do you...you love me?” 

“Goodbye, Numbuh 1.” 

“H-hold on!” 

“End transmission.” 

“Wait, Abby I don’t understand—” 

The screen turned off with Nigel in mid-sentence. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. It was much better she never knew. Her and found its way over to her mouth as she sat in silence. Choking up tears, she leaned over herself and sobbed. She must have sobbed for hours. 

“It’s really a miracle,” Vicki said, leaning over the railing. She and Abby had snuck up to the top of the bleachers away from the other TEENZ and TND secret agents to gaze at the field. They watched a horse head bobble around from one end to another, the faint cheering of an over-enthusiastic number one fan echoing in the background. 

The horse took off her mascot head and went to her fan, who picked her up and swung her around, kissing her on her neck. 

“The odds of operatives finding each other after decommissioning is low as it is,” Vicki continued. “But so soon? And to have a relationship as long as they’ve had. I don’t think anyone in our generation has seen anything like it. Not since Numbuh 0.” She grinned. “It’s kind of gross.” 

Abby leaned against her cheek. “They’re the one hope I got left,” she said. 

“What about Nigel?” Vicki asked. 

“Oh, no. Can’t talk about that.” She sighed. “Wouldn’t wanna ruin his innocence.” Her voice groveled sardonically. 

“Wow. Who put the bitter in your cocoa?” 

Abby tried to smile, focusing on Wally and Kuki’s interactions. “Guess there really is a such thing as meant to be, huh?” 

“Says the friendly neighborhood stalker.” 

“Hey. I’m just tryin’na keep the peace, okay?” Abby defended. “Numbuh 1’s got all his fancy space friends to protect him, but somebody’s gotta look after us Earth folks.” 

Vicki shrugged in agreement. 

“It’s amazing. Their relationship.” 

“Definite goals.” 

“As long as they got each other,” she said under her breath. “They’ll be okay. Long as they’re not alone.” She readjusted her cheek to hand position, gazing off. “I hope Numbuh 2 finds someone soon.” 

Vicki laughed. “Please. That’s the last thing you want.” 

Abby smacked her with her hat. “Buzz off.” 

“Hey, I get it.” Vicki pulled out a chocolate cupcake, unwrapping it on her cheer skirt. “You guys went through a lot that last year. That shit bonds you for life.” 

Abby looked at the cake. “You are a true-blue chocolate person.” 

“Don’t change the subject.” 

“I owe them.” 

Vicki rolled her eyes. “Yeah. That’s what it is.” 

She felt the follicles of her hair. “What we did wasn’t cool, Vicki.” 

Vicki leaned back, licking the side of the frosting, her words garbled in the process. “Yeah but think of it this way. At least we know the system works.” 

“That’s a good thing?” 

“If you want them to survive.” Vicki stiffened, her voice melancholic. “We do what we need to do. To get the job done.” But as quickly as she darkened, she brightened up again. “Besides. Now you have Maurice to deal with. A full-time job in itself.” 

“That’s done.” 

Vicki sat back. “Actually ‘done’ or are you just saying that now to avoid your feelings?” 

Abby shook her head. “I ended it. Couldn’t do it anymore,” she confessed. “Not with Cree the way she is.” 

“Probably for the best,” Vicki said. “Now you can spend more time stalking.” 

“You never did that with your old teammates?” 

Vicki was blunt. “I was the last to be decommissioned. By the time I was accepted to the TND, it was too late for me to do anything for them. I guess that’s why I want to help you.” She offered Abby a second cupcake she had tucked away in her lunchbox, also chocolate. 

“You n’ your chocolate.” 

“It’s the universal language of love,” Vicki said. 

Abby raised a brow. 

“Just eat it.” 

And Abby did. 

She shivered in the cold, the wind picking up. Ohio wasn’t cold, not in the spring. But the thick rain beat down on her head and chilled her bones. It reminded her of something, but she couldn’t recall what it was. Déjà vu. She stared at the wooden door and waited. She remembered waiting, the clock ticking in her head as time’s relativity was in full-force. Finally, the door unlatched and creaked open. Big brown eyes looked at her and quickly opened the door. He spoke with concern, but she waited until he quieted down before she spoke. Her chapped lips broke apart as she muttered:

“I quit.” 

She didn’t pay attention to how she got inside the house, only that she was there now, with Maurice startled and confused trying to comfort her. She felt bad about it, but she couldn’t stop herself from coming off as cold. She just kept saying it again and again, vinyl scratched beyond use. 

“I quit.” 

“Okay,” Maurice said, leading her to the couch. “Let’s talk about this.” 

“Nothin’ to talk about. I quit. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I ain’t cut out for it. I quit.” 

He exhaled. “What happened with Vicki was bad. I know. Unfortunately, these things—” 

“Nuh-uh,” Abby barked. “Do not say ‘these things happen’ as if it ain’ t a big deal.” 

“I didn’t mean—” 

“It’s a big deal, Maurice,” she snipped. 

She walked to the corner, her arms still crossed. She could hardly look at him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about the science fair?” 

Maurice inhaled sharply. “Abby. It’s not re--” 

“It ain’t real until someone loses, you mean,” she grumbled. “And ‘acourse that someone has to be my friend. What if something happens to him? How you gonna live with that?”

“Don’t make this about that.” 

“That’s exactly what it’s about.” 

“Is it?” he said. “Is this actually about him? Or is it about you?” 

She stopped. “What does that mean?” 

“The line between love and pity is thin.” 

His words were a snake wrapping around her stomach. “You jealous, Maurice? Is that why you’re actin’ like a dick?” 

Maurice groaned. “Maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew you would react like this!” He walked toward her. “Two years is enough time for most people to let go.” 

“You mean like you let go of Cree?” she snarled. 

“Cree is my job,” he reminded her. “Sector V is not yours.” 

“Oh, don’t you use that bullshit on me!” she spoke through her teeth, finally turning on her heels to get nose to nose with him. Her finger dug into his chest. “At least you got to be with her! Was it hard, Maurice? Eatin’ lunch together? Goin’ to prom? The sex? Yeah. I ain’t that dumb.” 

Maurice swallowed. 

“I so much as look their direction I get in trouble so don’t you put a timeline on my grief.” She shook her head rapidly, biting her lower lip. “I can’t do it.” 

Her tears were everywhere now. She was unable to wipe them all. She was hyperventilating, unable to speak in full sentences. Maurice put his hands on her shoulders to comfort her, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. It didn’t matter what he said. 

She kept repeating “I can’t” over and over again. 

Maurice lead her to the couch, sitting down with her. “It’s okay.” 

But Abby shook her head. “N-no...no it’s not okay. It’s not okay, Maurice.” She stumbled through her sobs. “It’s not okay...” 

“Abby,” he said, stroking her head. “You’re going off of the lead of one guy. A guy who was probably just trying to...” he couldn’t finish his sentence. 

But Abby buried her head into his chest. “I’m gonna lose...” she said, muffled. “I’m gonna lose everything...I’m-I’m gonna lose him...H-he’s gonna disappear and there’s nothin’ I can do...” 

“Shh...Abby, calm down,” Maurice said as her breath scratched against her throat. “No one is going to disappear...” 

“I can’t...” she started again. “I can’t watch it happen, Maurice...I won’t...I can’t take it...I quit!” 

“You did everything you could do. What happens next isn’t your fault. You can’t keep torturing yourself over this kid.” 

She pushed off of him, finding her breath. She wiped her tears. “It’s not just that.” She distanced herself from him a bit. “I can’t eat what I want, I can’t be friends with who I want, I can’t save who I-” She bit her lip before she started crying again. “I’m losing...I’m losing control of my life!” 

“Hey,” Maurice reached for her again. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.” 

“I can’t do this anymore, Maurice. I can’t live like this...I want out! I want this to stop! I wanna go back..." She sniffed. "I just want to be a kid again.” she said. “It ain’t worth it! I quit!” She exhaled, staring down at the floor. “I quit...” 

Maurice's face was dark. "You can't." 

“It doesn’t matter what you say. I ain’t goin’ back there! I can’t-” Two rough hands grabbed her shoulders, pulling her in. 

Maurice's voice shook as he held her. "What about Nigel? Huh? You said you would wait for him, right? If you quit, you’ll lose your memories and you’ll lose him forever-” 

"Why should I care? Nigel isn't coming back!" she shrieked, her eyes ablaze. “Why would he? We're teenagers. Selfish, disgusting, ugly, fat, lazy, horny, mean teenagers. He wants nothin' to do with us!" 

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true!” 

“I thought I could do it. I thought if I remembered them it would be enough. But it ain’t enough. It’ll never be enough-” 

“What about your current team, huh? Have you even stopped to consider how they would feel if you just up and quit? How I would feel?" He yelled at her, his hands squeezing her arms in a death grip. 

"Lemmie go!" 

"I won't let you! I won't let you throw this away! This is the life you wanted! This was what you signed up for! You know that, Abby! You've always known that!" Abby continued to struggle to get away from him, but he was too strong for her. "One bad day and you're ready to throw in the towel? That's not the Numbuh 5 I remember." 

Abby shook her head. "Shut up! Shut up and let me go!" 

Maurice released his hands as Abby turned away from him. He was quiet for a moment while he waited for her to catch her breath. "I see. That's it then," his voice was cold. "You're going to leave just like Cree did." 

Abby stopped. "Maurice..."

"It's my own fault," he said. "I couldn't stop her from going, and I can't stop you." He turned back to her. "But I can ask. I can beg. Please..." He took her hand. "Stay. Stay with me." He leaned in, his body on a pendulum. Abby didn't realize what he was doing until it was too late. His lips pressed against hers, his body leaning closer and closer into her. His mouth tasted strange. 

She broke off. Her stare told him everything. 

“Abby.” 

“I’m going home, Maurice.” Her feet headed for the door. 

“Abby...” she didn’t stop. “Abby, I’m sorry!” 

SLAM! The door rattled the house, almost breaking off the hinges. Abby touched her lips, her feet carrying her down the street. It was still pouring down rain. Appropriate. But now the rain was warm to her. She had wanted that kiss for so long, since she could remember. But not this way. Not like this. She felt desperate, gross, pathetic. He had Cree. He broke up with Cree. He chose that. She wasn’t his Cree, but he had her. It wasn’t fair. None of this was right. 

“Abby.” A voice. Familiar. Unwanted. 

“Go away.” 

“Abby.” 

“Abby ain’t talkin’ to you.” 

Silence. 

But not long.

“Abby.” 

“I’m forgetting you and I’m happy.” She felt the words fall out of her mouth. Déjà vu. 

“Abby. Wait up!” 

She turned, annoyed. “Nig—” 

But he wasn’t there. Instead, she was back at Maurice’s door. She looked at it dully. It opened. 

“You’re back.” 

She stepped through the entry. “I don’t wanna forget,” she almost murmured. “I don’t wanna be alone.” 

He walked up to her, his breath on hers. Slightly taller, he felt like a tower. He kissed her again. 

Gently, she pushed him off of her. “Maurice...we can’t do this...Cree-”

But Maurice brought her chin back, kissing her again. 

She pulled away again. “Maurice wait-” 

He brushed her hair back, kissing her more forcefully. The force knocked to the wall as his mouth pried her open like a crow bar. When he released, she thought it was over, but his body didn't move. His hand brushed her cheek gently. 

“Stay with me,” he said again. 

Abby just looked at him. 

“Okay.” 

She was on his bed now. She blinked, and she was there. She gasped as he pressed his lips against her chest, her fingers gripping the locks of his hair. She didn’t know whether to cry out or to squeeze tighter, to pull him close or to push him away. No. She finally turned into him. She couldn’t afford to push anyone else away. Moving underneath him, she locked her lips into his. They tasted like salt. Maurice kissed her forcefully, the weight baring down on Abby, the skin of his teeth scraping her tongue. Abby melted into the sheets, grabbing him tightly before finally releasing the tension she had been building up for so many years. His hand pushed her arm upwards, slowly. His fingers spread out over hers, much larger than she ever imagined them. He lowered down, kissing her neck, then chest, then stomach. His hands slid their way down further before catching themselves on the top of her shorts, and then with her boxers. 

Abby sat up slightly, her body tensing up again, but Maurice must have said something like ‘It’s okay’ or ‘just relax’ because it wasn’t long before she was lying back on the bed, feeling her second skin tugged off of her body. The shorts and boxers tumbled off, drifting into the unknown. Her knees bent, Maurice pushing them out before crawling back over her, his mouth closing over hers once more. His waist lowered down over her pelvis, moving up and down. Her arms found their way to his chest, her fingers entwining into his shirt. He pulled away from her for just a moment, the first time their eyes had met since they came upstairs. They looked at her desperately, searching as though to find some secret hidden in her face, the answer to an impossible riddle. 

And when he couldn’t find it, he kept going. 

Perhaps it was the fear and pain in his eyes, or perhaps it was her own that she saw reflected in them, but Abby couldn’t tear herself away. And when he left her sight to bite her ear, in her head she continued to stare into them. Maurice tore off his shirt, letting it fly over his head. Now only his boxers remained. He pinned Abby’s arms to the bed, putting most of his weight over her. And as he collapsed, his arms caressing her head, her neck, her breast, her waist, Abby could no longer move. Her arms fell over her head. She didn’t see Maurice slip off his boxers, but she felt the heat of his skin touch hers. She lay limp, a marionette whose puppeteer had dropped their controller mid-performance. Was she supposed to do something? She didn’t know. No one had taught her how to do this. 

She stared at the ceiling, white and plain. She thought Maurice made a comment about her boxers, but she wasn’t listening anymore. Everything had stopped for her. She noted how her leg moved up and down without her directing it. It was like a tightness and expansion at the same time, the pleasure erupting sounds she had never heard come out of her mouth as though they were lying in a dormant volcano. And then, she erupted. An explosion of feeling and sound. She couldn’t tell if she liked it or not in her mind, although her body was screaming for more. The world blurred, yet her eyes remained on the ceiling. She looked at it for answers, and when she couldn’t find them, she finally closed her eyes and gave into the sensation. Everything he thrust into her was a new thought, a frustration, a trauma, and as they got faster, Abby could see her own pains and agonies flashing before her. 

The second Abby stepped through the door, she immediately wanted to leave. The music was loud, blaring a kind of dub-step electronica as it shook the floor. It didn’t look like much anything was happening. TEENZ sitting on couches talking, a few making out, one man with his shirt off just screaming at the top of his lungs. Abby thought parties were supposed to be where all the TEENZ discussed their most important procedures. She remembered the TEEN Ninja party she and her team crashed in the 4th grade at the Delightful Children’s mansion. Root beer flowing, rock music, people hanging from the ceiling. This was tame compared to that, but...she shuddered. For some reason, it was worse. 

Alcohol. At a TEEN party? She always thought beer and all of that was for Adults. Of course, high schoolers thought they were Adults, so she supposed it made sense. Her mind went back to 4th grade. Maurice was at that party, she remembered. He immediately snuck off with Cree, thinking it was some mission. Turns out, she just wanted to make out with him. Numbuh 1 stayed on the roof, missing the whole thing watching the Delightful Children. Numbuh 3 told her how she danced with Numbuh 4 across the floor to get past the TEEN couples. She chuckled to herself, remembering. She teased Numbuh 4 for weeks for that one. All the mashed potatoes, Cree’s embarrassing B.O., Numbuh 2 flirting with all the older girls he had absolutely no chance with. 

Numbuh 2. 

What was she doing? She had to find out information. This time, she wasn’t trying to stop the party. No, she wanted it to go on as long as it possibly could. She snuck around, trying to listen in on conversations. She would hover for a moment, waiting for something interesting, but the discussions were dry. This happened over and over again throughout the night. Abby was starting to feel annoyed. She would check on Vicki every once in a while, who seemed to be making progress with Matt who was her “date” for the evening. That was good at least. A party. A senior party at Kent Little’s house, the captain of the football team. She kept waiting for something to happen, for the music to shut off, and for some TEEN to get on a microphone and say ‘okay, enough nonsense, let’s get down to business.’ Perhaps Nigel had rubbed off on her a little too much. It probably wasn’t a meeting at all. 

Abby clutched her fists, determined. That was fine. Even if she had to do the work herself, she wasn’t going to let this invitation go to waste. She thought she would touch base with Vicki, though, seeing as she was going to be going in deeper than she had initially planned. However, when she searched the party, Vicki was nowhere to be seen. That was strange. They weren’t allowed to go into any private rooms. She must have been in the bathroom. Abby pulled out her cell phone and dialed her number. 

No answer. 

Abby didn’t leave a message. Instead, she sent her a cryptic text, being sure not to state anything that could be used against her. 

Gonna grab some soda. Meet me by the table when ur done. 

That should do it. Just then, she saw Toby, their sector leader, laughing as though he were drunk off his ass. He was a really good actor. 

“Hey. Toby,” she asked him. “Have you seen Vicki?” 

But his glare was unforgiving. “Uh, do I know you?” 

Right. Of course. “Oh. You’re not Tony,” she said, thinking on her feet, hoping they caught the slip. “My bad.” 

“Yeah. Get lost,” he spat. He even slurred his words like he was drunk. 

Dedication. 

Abby decided it would be best just to wait for Vicki by the hors-d'oeuvre table like she promised. This was her favorite place to hang out at parties. She actually quite liked parties when she was little. Not the crazy ones, but the ones where she got to hang out, dance, and eat. She and Numbuh 2 would always crowd the hors-d'oeuvres so that they could try every last one before they ran out. Numbuh 1 hated parties. He didn’t like dancing except on rare occasions and he thought hanging out with no specific purpose was a waste of time. Birthday parties were different because to him that meant there was a reason behind the celebrating. More than going to them, he liked planning them. Something like this would have made his ears bleed. But he would have done it for a mission. He would do anything for a mission. 

She leaned against the wall, checking her phone. 

No response. 

She put it down. 

It looked like she was skunked after all. 

“Hey,” a voice beside her said. Abby turned to see a boy, dark black hair, tall but not lanky. He had a handsome face, a strong chin and high cheek bones. He was looking at her intently. 

“Yo,” she said casually. 

“You come here alone?” he asked. 

“No, my friend is here with me,” she explained. “Somewhere.” 

The boy huffed. “You don’t look like you belong here, that’s all.” He scanned her up and down. “How old are you?” 

“Fifteen,” she said. Her age could be an interesting entry point of conversation. 

“Damn,” the boy leaned his shoulder against the wall, tucking his arm beneath his pit. “How’d you even get into this party?” 

Abby propped her foot against the door. Act like you don’t belong, she told herself. Don’t cause any need for suspicion. “Friend of a friend,” she said. But the boy didn’t look convinced. “Friend of a boyfriend.” 

“There you go.” 

“No offense,” Abby said. “But you don’t seem like you belong here either.” 

“Oh, I belong here,” he said. “It’s my fuckin’ house.” 

Abby’s jaw dropped. “Th-this is your house?!” She blushed. “So this is your party.” 

“Bingo,” he said. 

“Wait...so you’re...” 

“Kent.” 

“Shit...” she whispered. “Well you sho’ ain’t little,”

Kent pulled out a box from his pocket, getting out a cigarette and sticking it in between his teeth. Abby wanted to protest, but seeing as this was his house, she wasn’t sure what the etiquette was. He lit the cigarette with his lighter, inhaling a large amount of smoke before puffing it out. Abby could already start to smell it in the air. 

“Cool guy still smokes cigarettes?” 

“Tree lingers.” 

She tried to find a way around this. The quarterback? How the hell did this happen? She thought he would be...bigger. Certainly, he was muscular, and his shoulders were broad enough, but... 

“So...” she stopped her own thoughts. “I bet you’re pretty sore that a freshman’s at yo’ party, huh?” 

“Not really,” he said. He puffed again. Abby couldn’t help but cough this time. “This bothering you?” 

She cleared her throat. “Not at all,” she said, though her lungs were screeching at her because of it. “If this is yo’ party, how come you’re hangin’ over here alone then?” She blinked. “Ain’t you the star quarterback for the McClintock Chargers?” 

“Yeah, what of it?” His voice was so deep, it made Abby shake. He was attractive, for sure. 

“Nothin’ of it,” she said. “It just ain’t what I pictured is all.” 

“I fuckin’ hate parties,” he said. “But it’s our last year, so the team insisted I have one final blowout while my parents are in San Juan. They’ll all get shit-faced and leave and I’ll have to clean up the mess,” he spat. He puffed again. “Bunch of retards.” He came closer to her, leaning back against the wall, this time with his arm propped up. “You look familiar.” 

Abby tensed a bit before she remembered. “Oh, yeah, my sistah used to go here. Cree Lincoln. She was in the TEEN Ninjas...back when they were still Ninjas.” A stray hair fell into her face and she brushed it back. “I look a lot like her.” 

But Kent shook his head. “No, I’ve seen you. On the diamond. You’ve been hanging with the pitcher, number 27, right?” 

27 was the number on one of her teammate’s jersey. “Oh, you mean Seth?” 

“Yeah, he your brother or something?” Kent asked. 

Abby blinked. “N-no. He’s not my brother. I mean, he’s my brotha, but not my brother. You know?” 

“So some girl dragged you to a party where you don’t know anyone,” he continued. “And then ditched you to go fuck some dude, is that right?” 

“What makes you think I didn’t wanna come to this party?” Abby said, avoiding the other part of his comment entirely. 

“Doesn’t seem like your scene.” 

“I think it should be my choice, what is and ain’t my scene,” she said, realizing now that whatever she said, it probably didn’t matter to this guy anyway. “You don’t know me, so you don’t know.” 

“So you just...came to a party, with your friend, knowing you were going to be ditched, so you could hang out by the food all night?” Kent asked. “That’s pretty weird, Freshman.” 

“I got invited,” she continued. “Didn’t think I would run into the host. I’d leave, but you said you didn’t care.” 

“No, you can stay,” he said. “If you really want.” He looked her up and down again. “How come you didn’t bring your boyfriend?” 

“Don’t got one.” 

“What, you swing for the other team?” 

“If I did, would that be a crime?” 

“Only to men everywhere,” he said. 

Abby’s cheeks grew hotter. Was he-? No. That was the stupidest thing she thought all night. "You know that metpahor don't make a lick'a sense," she said. “I thought maybe something interesting would happen. But it looks like it’s just another dud.” 

Kent smirked, his first smile all night. “What qualifies as interesting?” 

“Oh,” Abby couldn’t contain her excitement. “I dunno. Somethin’ productive,” she said. “Actually...” This was it. Now was her chance. “I heard a rumor.” 

“A rumor?” 

“Yeah.” 

Kent’s smile widened. “What kind of rumor?” 

“Well, that I shouldn’t say,” Abby said, acting coy. Look at the floor, Toby’s words reminded her. She did this. “I’m not really s’posed’ta know anything about it.” 

Suddenly, a shadow passed over her body, two large feet were right in her line of vision as the smell of smoke got stronger. “Let me get you a drink,” he finally said as Abby felt her hook sink in. He lifted her chin up. 

Under no circumstances are you to get intoxicated. 

“No thanks,” she said, her eyes not leaving his for a second. “I don’t go for this cheap shit.” 

“My parents have a cupboard in the kitchen, it’s where they keep the good stuff, none of this hick fuel,” he said, his breath streaming over her. She had almost gotten used to the tobacco smell. It didn’t matter anymore. 

She had him. 

“That’s very kind,” she said in a husky voice. “But I’d kinda like to remember tonight.” 

He pulled out his box of cigarettes. “We could go out for a smoke.” 

“I don’t smoke,” Abby told him. “And I don’t see why I should go anywhere with you.” 

“You’re in my house,” Kent reminded her. “You should be grateful to your host.” 

“How bout you cut the pretense, and let’s talk shop,” she said. 

Kent leaned over further, his forearm now his main support against the wall. “Now what would a sweet little freshman girl like you wanna talk shop about?” 

“Let’s start with that rumor.” Abby relaxed into the wall. Her arms folded over themselves. 

“Hey! Kent! Bro!” a boy called across the room, clearly wasted. “C’mon! Larson’s gonna jump off the roof! It’s gonna be lit, bruh!” 

“Fuck off, Brett!” Kent shouted back. “I’m doin’ business. Fucking sophomores...” 

“Oh, I know, they’re the worst,” Abby teased. “That rumor.” 

“Pointed questions,” he bent down lower. “You’re not a spy, are you?” 

“That depends,” Abby lifted her brow. “What do you do to spies?” 

Kent made a loud, grunting noise. Like he was taking a shit, but for forgot to open his butt cheeks. Abby had never heard anything like it, but assumed it was good because of what followed. He inhaled his cigarette, blowing it in her face and then putting it out on the wall. 

“There are lots of rumors floating around,” he said. “If you mean the one about my girlfriend, we’re sort of on the rocks right now.” 

Abby huffed, incredulously. “You wish that’s why Abby was here.” 

“So why are you here?” 

Abby grinned. “I wanna be Valedictorian.” 

He gave a slight nod. “Ah.” 

“First in my class, full-ride to Yale. The first black female President of the United States of America,” she said. "Good little model minority." 

“And what would you do once in Office, Miss President?” 

“Child tax,” she said without thinking. “Each parent who has a child under thirteen has to pay a tax, or else they’ll be confiscated by the government. Until they’re of legal age, of course. Less and less parents will wanna have kids, but the stubborn ones will, so we’ll be able to control them better. Like China, but without the population pretense. Progress,” Kent’s eyes didn’t leave hers as she continued to speak. “See, when I joined the TEENZ, I thought we’d be making the world better for Adults. But all I’ve seen is a bunch of lil’ spoiled white rich bitches runnin’ around like chickens.” 

“Maybe you’re just not where the action is,” he said.

“That’s why I came here,” she said. “I’ve been bidin’ my time with a group’a bimbos, but I finally got my in and I ain’t lettin’ it go to waste.” 

Kent’s hand, now cigarette free, reached down and brushed Abby’s hair back, tracing it down her neck. “You’re a little spitfire, you know that?” 

“I get results,” she said back to him. “I don’t like it when things are in my way. I heard a rumor...some kinda program...” She shrugged. “Might help me get where I’m goin’.” 

Kent’s interest was now completely glued onto Abby. She could feel his eyes snaking around her body, but she didn’t care. Like she said, she got results. “And, uh,” he breathed. “What exactly have you heard?” 

“Bits and pieces,” she egged on. “Some girl from the science club goes missing. Next day, nobody remembers her. Nobody can track her. It’s like she never even existed.” She titled her head. “Now, how do you suppose that happened?” 

“People disappear all the time.” 

But Abby shook her head. “I heard...Father’s got somethin’ cookin’. Somethin’ like a new project. Then this happens. At first there are thirteen names on a brochure, then twelve. And nobody says a word.” 

“This is deep water you’re swimming in,” Kent warned her. “You may not like what you find.” 

“I’m certain I’ll like what I find,” Abby stated. 

Kent sighed, not of exasperation, but of a delighted exhaustion. “The world’s got a lot of people in it,” he finally said. “Some of those people, they do well in school and in their little cubical but get them out in the real world and they’re total hacks. They ain’t got social graces. But, they’re brilliantly smart. So what Father does is provide those people an opportunity. He gives them an environment they can thrive in, one cut off from civilization, where they can work all day and never worry about anything else. Of course, as payment, all of their work goes to the company who runs this organization.” 

“The Adults...” Abby whispered. 

“And the TEENZ too, of course. We get the best part of the deal.” He gave a fake empathetic sigh. “Sadly, not all the underlings want to leave the social world. So every once-in-a-while we have to give them a little nudge.” 

Abby’s heart was beating faster. 

“It’s hard to tell a retard they’re retarded,” Kent explained. “Most of the time they just won’t believe you.” 

“So you cut off the fat,” Abby said. “But you use it to make soap.” 

“I guess you could say that.” 

“And then you sell that soap to make a profit,” she continued. 

“Now you’re catchin’ on,” Kent jeered. 

“So...” Abby adjusted her body, unfolding her arms. “Say I wanted...to make someone disappear...” She gazed at him intently. “You could do that?” 

Kent’s smile morphed into a wicked grin. “Just who do you want to have disappear?” Abby froze. “Give me a name, and I’ll make it happen.” 

“How?” Abby jumped too quickly. Dammit. 

“You don’t really need to know that,” Kent said. “I’ll take care of everything. Just tell me who it is.” 

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Abby said. “I’m not even sure it’s what I want yet. I just like to have a few weapons in my arsenal.” She thought for a moment. “But say I did,” she said. “Just where exactly...would they disappear to? People don’t just disappear. They gotta disappear to someplace.” 

“There’s a place,” Kent reassured her. His hand was slithering down to her waist. “But it’s a place a pretty girl like you shouldn’t concern herself with.” 

“What happens there?” 

“Just a little nudge,” he said. “It’s still in development. Even I’m not entirely sure what really goes on in there. I try not to concern myself with losers.” He grinned wider. “All I know is, thanks to Father’s new ideas, we’ll no longer have to deal with those freaks who stink up our hallways. They get what they want, and we get what we want. Really, the ones who oppose it are the ones who will make society unstable. It’s those people the program is best for.” 

“This facility. Is there more than one?” 

“I can’t answer that,” he said. 

“What, you don’t know?” 

“It’s not my division.” 

“Where is it?” 

“Why would you need to know that?” he asked. 

“I wanna see it,” she said simply. “You’ve sparked my curiosity.” 

Kent leaned back a bit, pushing off the wall. His tone shifted slightly. “How bout we get outta here.” 

Abby blinked. “I-Isn’t this...your house?” 

“Yeah, so I got the keys,” he said. His thumb moved across her lips and down to her chin. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more quiet so we can talk.” 

“I don’t think I trust you,” she said, flirtatiously, even though she was being completely honest. “You probably don’t even know where that facility is.” She started to move past him. “Guess I barked up the wrong tree.” 

But his hand pushed her back up against the wall. “Oh, I don’t know a thing about it. You’re absolutely right about that.” He jeered. “But I know a guy.” 

Abby’s brows raised. “That’s not good enough.” 

“He can answer all of your questions. About the program, the participants, its location, everything.” 

“Who is he?” 

“I’ll take you to him.” 

“How bout a name?” 

“How bout I take you to him.” 

Abby felt her body’s tension increase. Kent Little, star quarterback. Of all the people in the world to run into. If she left now, he might get suspicious. She couldn’t have that. All she had was confirmation that there was, indeed, a program and that it was targeting teenagers. Teenagers who Father saw as freaks. Cut off the fat and sell it as soap. Abby felt sick to her stomach, but alongside that was a tinge of excitement. It was a lead. A real lead. If she could just get a name, a face, something. In her body, her fear had made it almost impossible for her to move. 

Do not go off into a room with a boy alone.

She couldn’t go. The others would have her head. 

Really, the ones who oppose it are the ones who will make society unstable. It’s those people the program is best for... 

Why even take the risk? 

But then again...why take the risk? 

Of course there were rules. 

There were always rules. 

Her eyes locked with Kent’s. Her lips curving upward. 

“Lead the way.” 

Suddenly, Abby felt a hand reach in hand grab her wrist, yanking her away from Kent Little. She didn’t even have time to think as the figure dragged her across the house. Her grip was tight, her hands sweating. Abby squirmed. 

“Vicki!” 

“I’m taking you home,” she said. “Now.” 

She didn’t even look back. 

“Whoa!” They heard a voice in front of them. A tall muscular man stood between Vicki and the door. She halted. “Vicki. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” His words were slurred as he leaned over the door. “The party’s not over yet. We got a lot to do...” 

“Are you drunk?!” She gasped. “Are you seriously fucking drunk?” 

“Y-you gotta stay so you can drive me home...” Toby said. 

She turned to Abby, her face enflamed. Abby winced, having never seen such anger in her eyes. “You take your orders from me now. Understand?” she spat. Abby noticed Vicki’s hair was ruffled, her makeup smeared. She looked as though she had gotten into a fight. “You do not do a single thing without my go ahead.” 

“But...” 

She turned around and pushed through the crowd out the door. 

“Fuck, Vicki!” Toby called. “You fucking bitch! Where are you goin’? Where...where are you goin? You fuckin’...bitch...C’n I get a ride?” 

Abby tugged on her arm. “Vicki...” she tried. “Vicki! We can’t leave! We gotta go back!” 

“Get in the car, Abby.” Vicki released Abby’s arm and went over to the driver’s side. 

“You don’t understand! I was this close to-” 

“Get in the car or you’re fired!” 

Abby stopped. Grimacing, she got in the passenger seat, slamming the door. Vicki started the car, but Abby was still adamant. “There’s a guy, Vicki! A guy! A guy who knows about the disappearances! Kent Little was just about to take me to him! I gotta go back!” 

“Seatbelt.” 

“This isn’t fair!” Abby whined. “Just a little longer and I would’a had him!” 

“Abigail!” Vicki snapped. “Shut. Up.” She unset the parking break and backed into the street. Abby put on her seatbelt. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the look on Vicki’s face stopped her dead in her tracks. It was staring straight ahead, hard as stone. Teeth clenched, chest rising and falling. Abby sat back in her seat. She didn’t say anything to her the entire car ride. Vicki didn’t say anything back, which was odd. She thought that she had taken Abby out of the conversation because she knew she was acting solo, but there was no scolding, no, ‘what did I just say’. When Vicki pulled into Abby’s driveway, it was 11:15 at night. After about two minutes of silence, Vicki spoke. 

“Do you have your cell phone?” 

“Yes.” 

“Everything from your pockets?” 

“Yeah, but-” 

“You are never to speak of this to anyone,” she said, her voice stern and authoritative. “Not a word. Everything you learn you will report to me and me alone. You will not follow any leads, you will not do anything without my permission.” 

“But if we don’t follow the leads, we won’t be able to stop Father’s plan!” Abby protested. 

“Abigail, this is not up for negotiation.” 

“But what if-” 

“Enough!” She snapped. “That is my decision and it is final.” She sighed. “I’ll see you at school.” 

Abby didn’t know whether to be angry or terrified, so she left the car in a silent simmer. She was up the driveway, on her front patio, looking at the door. This was so stupid. Why did everything have to be so difficult with these people? She turned around. She had to go back. She would make her go back. But when she got to the end of the stairs, she found that the car hadn’t even started yet. Vicki’s hands were over her face, her head resting against the steering wheel. She wasn’t just crying. No. Abby had seen people cry. 

Vicki was screaming, like she was in a horror film, muffled only by the skin of her palms. Her hands moved away from her face on occasion, pulling her clothes over her body. Abby could hear the faint echo of her sobs from outside the car. Vicki wiped her eyes, but it didn’t seem to stop anything. Abby backed away, the scene disappearing from her view. Her hand touched the doorknob. It didn’t matter what she said now. 

They weren’t going back to that party.

It ended, Maurice huffing and puffing as he practically fell onto her. Abby supposed she was puffing too. Her chest was moving up and down, her body was covered with sweat. He leaned up and kissed her on the cheek before rolling over to the other side of the bed. Abby’s hair fell all around her. Her arms finally dragged themselves around to her chest where she noticed a sheet had fallen. Did Maurice put it there? She couldn’t remember. Her mind was still hazy. She touched the sheet, pulling it up over herself to cover her breasts. As she moved, she could feel the skin of her legs rubbing together. Her arms crossed over her chest as she realized that there was nothing but skin underneath the sheet. 

She looked at the ceiling, Maurice getting up to go to the bathroom. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that he had shorts on again. Her focus was still glued to the ceiling: stucco, white. Suddenly, her mind began to clear, the haze dispersing. Abby licked her lips, her mouth curving subtly downwards. 

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Implied sexual assault, sexual content


	5. M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (PART TWO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby reflects on her life, her decisions, and her true feelings.

Now Loading...

Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (Part Two) 

Many  
Emotional  
Moments  
Originate  
Right  
In  
Everyone’s  
Subconscious 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network

Episode 22

*Possible trigger warning* 

RESUMING TRANSMISSION...

Abby sauntered out to the field, her mind in a haze. Maurice had done it. He broke up with Cree. She couldn’t believe he had done that. She held the straps of her backpack. Softball practice. She had to keep her mind active. As she passed the bleachers she heard someone shout to her. Turning to see who it was, she was shocked. 

“Hey you!” 

Abby flushed. 

“You one of those TEENZ pricks?” 

She tried to keep her face straight. “Yeah, what of it?” 

The person calling for her attention bore their teeth. “You got a lotta fucking nerve.” 

“You forgot this, didn’t you?” Abby said, as though she wasn’t listening to him at all. “Numbuh 4, you have the worst memory.” 

“Hey! Are you listenin’ to me!” A young fifteen-year-old Wally shouted. His bowl-cut and track jersey were stained by the grass. “I know what you jackasses did to my girlfriend!” He picked something out of his pocket, slamming it to the ground. His tennis shoes smashed the object. “You think you’re so cool. Well I got news for you. I ain’t never, ever, gonna join you. Not in a million years. And you’re gonna wish you ain’t had the nerve to mess with Kuki. Cause if you mess with my girlfriend, you mess with me. Got that?” 

Abby looked at him with dull eyes. Her brow lifted prudishly. “And what makes you think the TEENZ want you so badly they’d care?” 

Wally flushed this time. 

Abby flipped her hair and continued walking. 

“Yeah?” He stammered. “W-well...who needs ya!” 

And that’s three, she thought. But the sting was there. 

Please, let Wally and Kuki stay together. 

Please. 

Please don’t let all of this be a waste. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

“I’m telling you it has never failed.” 

“But...it’s so...” 

“Trust me. No one will know it’s us.” 

“That ain’t the issue.” 

“She’s tough. She’ll be fine.” 

“Abby will not be fine.” 

“I know these girls, okay. They’re horrible. They play into every self-entitled stereotype there is.” 

“But Kuki ain’t like that. She’ll never be like that.” 

“Which is why if we don’t get her away from them, they’ll just devour her. Trust me, Abby. I’ve seen it before.” 

“But I don’t want to do this. There’ve gotta be nice popular teenagers that ain’t in the TND.” 

“Sure there are, but these aren’t just teenagers. They’re TEENZ. They manipulate people into their cult of popularity and destroy their self-esteem, their individuality. You have to stop thinking about the individuals and start thinking of this like a system.” 

“You don’t gotta tell me about broken systems.” 

“Clearly. So you get it.” 

“Feels like a band-aid on a problem.” 

“We are basically the NSAID of Children’s Rights.” 

“NS-what?” 

“Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug.” 

“We’re the Tylenol?” 

“Exactly.” 

“...or the placebo.” 

“We do real work. We just have more preventative measures. The older you get, the more over-the-counter you become.” 

“That’s disturbing.” 

“That’s the job.” 

“And you’re sure it’ll work?” 

“I’ve never seen it not work.” 

“...okay let’s go. Before I talk myself out of it.” 

“If she remembered you, she would thank you.” 

“Would she?” 

“There’s this saying I know...about how you have to let go of things that are bad for you to make way for the good? This will just reveal to her what’s already true. That she deserves to have good friends, not vampires.” 

“That sucks. I can’t let go of nothin’.” She chuckled to herself. “Sucks. Numbuh 2 would die.” 

“Okay, you know I like you, Abby, so I’m going to be very honest. You need to stop thinking about Numbuh 2. The more you think about it, the crazier you’ll become.” 

“You say that like this won’t make me crazy.” 

“This one is assurance. After this, you’ll never have to offend again. It’s one time. In and out. A couple of tears, some guilt, but it’ll pass.” 

“It’ll pass, huh?” 

“Coast is clear. You ready?” 

“...Ready.” 

Abby and Vicki looked at each other. Rag in one hand, paint can in the other. Ready and willing to ruin an innocent girl’s life, for the purpose of saving her soul. 

*[ The hallway was bare, almost grey in color. It was too quiet for comfort, although she was just there early in the morning to check her morning routine. She walked into the office, the woman at the front desk smiling at her. 

“Mornin’ Melissa,” she said. “Here’s your attendance sheets.” 

“Why thank you, Abigail. You are so kind to print them out for me every morning.” She took the papers. Abby liked Melissa, she was like if honey were a person. Short with a pixie blonde hair cut and apple cheeks, who loved every student of that school. Melissa’s life-long dream was to be a secretary, after being a stay at home mom for most of her adult life. The simplicity of that dream always made Abby smile. “You’re going to be a great student body president.” 

Abby blushed. “I dunno about that.” 

“Oh, I know it. I can feel it in my bones,” she said. She went to file the sheets. “Huh, that’s odd.”

“Somethin’ the matter?” 

“There must be a repeat name in there somewhere,” she said. “You printed 1,456 names instead of 1,455.” 

Abby’s skin grew cold. “Melissa, it’s always been 1,456. Unless someone transferred out.” 

“Well, dear. I’m sorry. I must have given you the wrong information. Or someone must have.” She looked through. “You don’t have to print another I’ll find the duplicate.” 

“N-no, that’s okay...” 

“Oh, actually,” she said, handing her another pile of papers. “I always keep an updated master copy in my desk. 1,455. Be sure to use that to make your next copy.” 

Abby swallowed. “Can I look at this?” 

“Of course, dear.” 

Abby exhaled, flipping forward the pages. Only one was different. Only one...

And she knew exactly which one. 

Sure enough, when she went to find his name in the master list, it wasn’t there. She checked for the others, all accounted for. 

“Melissa, I need you to check something for me,” Abby’s voice trembled. She could feel her body crystalizing. 

She gave her his name, and felt needles pricking her as she typed each of the letters in the computer. 

“I’m sorry, Abigail. No one by that name has ever attended this school, or any school in this district.” She chortled. “Someone must be playing a prank on you. You kids and your practical jokes. It certainly sounds like a fake name, doesn’t it?” 

But Abby was trembling. Her body clammy, her heart pounding. 

“Sweetie?” Melissa stood. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Maybe we should call the nurse.” 

“Will you excuse me for a moment,” she could barely speak as she sprinted down the hall. A hall. B hall. C hall. D—she halted. She could already see what she was praying she wouldn’t see. A locker half opened, swinging. Abby walked toward it, feeling the world blur around her. The lock was taken off. 

She swung the locker door open, standing back in horror as she saw nothing inside, the metal disinfected, as though nothing had touched it since the beginning of the year. Her shaking hand stroked the inside. 

No. 

No... 

“Looking for something?” ]*

Abby shot up out of bed in a cold sweat. She could feel herself audibly gasp as the image of the hallway dissipated. Not only had she stood up, but she had walked across the room in her desperation to get out of that space, that nightmare. Those files...those files were... she shook her head. She couldn’t get them out of her mind. Of course, it was just a dream. She tore off her silk head-scarf and pressed her face into it. The air was cold around her, but she felt hot. Her legs stumbled into the bathroom, running the icy water all over her body. Before she could tell what was happening, her body carried her away from the sink to the toilet. Her breathing was labored, as though something was sitting on her chest. However, that didn’t stop her dinner from coming right out into the pot. The sweat, the puke, the growing tears, it was all the same to her at this point. She coughed into the toilet, hearing the sound echoing around her. 

“Abby?” a voice called from the hall. 

Cree’s voice. Cree who was home for spring break. 

“Abby...” her sister ran to her side, pulling up her hair. “Are you okay? What happened?” 

Abby looked up. “Nothin’ I just feel sick is all.” 

Cree put a hand on her head. “You’re burning up.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Let’s get you back to bed.” 

Cree took her in her arms and carried her to the room, lying her back down. She was talking to her, asking her questions, but Abby couldn’t do anything but stare out the window. Her sister’s warm loving hands made her feel sicker. Cree was in college now. Did she know about any of this? Was she a participant? Abby’s stomach lurched. She didn’t feel safe. Not in her home, not in her mind...there was only one place in the world where she still felt peace. 

Abby hopped down, her shoes crushing the browning grass. It was the middle of the day, but no one was around that she could see. Even if they could, the black hood over her hair and matching sweat pants disguised her perfectly. She could easily escape if someone called the cops, though she knew she wasn’t technically allowed in that area anymore. She brushed herself off, looking up at the massive tree. It was the most beautiful thing in the neighborhood, and most people drove past it without a second thought. Some technological reason kept Adults from seeing it, or maybe it was some kind of weird magic. She never knew anymore. The sun glinted through the leaves, peeking through a darkening sky. Even though it wasn’t as big as it used to be, it still made her feel small. 

“Well!” a voice called, and Abby prepared to run. “I finally caught you! Come to burgle me, have you?” 

“Oh, no...I...” She tried to hide her face from the encroaching man. “I was just...” 

“Well now. A lady burglar!!” he was almost excited. “A very young lady burglar at that!” 

“Please, Sir. I wasn’t gonna take anything I was...I’m sorry I trespassed into your Yard, Mr. Uno—” Uno. 

The man crossed his very large arms and puffed up his chest. He looked her up and down. “Is that supposed to be a weapon?” he asked, looking at her S.P.I.C.E.R. “It looks like a toy. Oh! My! You must be playing a game of some sort!” 

“Yes!” Abby drew a sigh of relief. “Yeah, me and my teammates we was playin’ and I went to hide in your treehouse.” 

“Treehouse?” The man looked at his house. “What treehouse?” 

“I mean the, uh...on the roof?” 

“Well, you should have said!” He grinned so brightly it was blinding. “Come, come! If you want a break, I have lemonade and cookies inside. Shouldn’t go playing on people’s roofs, my dear. You could fall right off!” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sir. I should probably go.” 

“Oh, but sure it is! We’ve got to have friendly neighbors, or else what kind of place are we, hmm? You don’t have to worry my wife is here and she’ll make sure I don’t come on too strong like my morning cuppa.” He chortled. 

It was a bad idea, but the warmness of his smile made Abby feel a peace she had forgotten was possible. “Thank you, Mr. Uno.” 

“Call me Monty.” 

Abby twitched. “Thank you, Monty.” 

“Abigail?” 

Abby looked up from the piles of papers to see Vicki’s bright red hair haloed beneath the dim light. 

“I thought that was you.” She picked up one of the folders on the desk. “Little late to be working. Won’t your parents be worried?” 

“I told my folks I was studyin’ at the library,” Abby told her, not stopping her work to converse. 

“Abby the library is closed. It’s almost midnight.” She sat down. “You know, if Toby is running you around doing errands you don’t have to take it.” 

Abby shook her head. “Personal research.” 

“On what?” Abby didn’t reply. She was still trying to figure out what exactly it was she was looking for. “Now’s not exactly a great time to start new projects. We’ve got Homecoming to deal with it’s only a month away.” 

“Vicki, have you looked at this?” She handed her two seemingly identical pamphlets. 

“What is it?” 

“Rebecca, the archivist here, she said that there are two versions of that brochure. One was reprinted without one of the names. And that no one’s ever heard’a this person, that they don’t even exist. Or maybe they did exist and somehow everyone forgot.” 

“Abby—” 

“I know what you’re gonna say, but listen,” She opened another file. “There’s a spark of increased activity in the TEENZ technological sector in late May and June. Amber Scott, the girl who went missing, she got first place for her research on termites. What shows up later in the TEENZ artillery arsenal?” 

“Abby, it’s a hoax. The TEENZ do this. They plant fake evidence to lead us down rabbit holes and snuff out the double agents. That’s why we have experts select missions for us. They’ve verified them. That’s why we’ve never been caught.” 

“What if it isn’t a hoax?” Abby rebutted. “What if those Teenagers are really goin’ missin’ and what if they’re tryin’a cover it up?” She shut the file. “The Prom is the decoy, it’s the biggest event of the year. It’s overshadowing the science fair, that’s where the real strike is gonna happen!” 

“Even if that were true, where would they take them where our agents wouldn’t know about it?” 

“The camps.”

“Those are just rumors.” 

“But it’d make sense, wouldn’t it?” Vicki didn’t have much to say to that. “Vicki, Numbuh 2 is gonna compete in that science fair. He could be in danger. We gotta stop it somehow.” 

“We can’t stop the science fair. It’d draw too much attention.” 

“We can’t sit around and do nothing.” 

Vicki sighed, pulling up the chair next to Abby’s. “Look, I know how hard this has been for you. Especially because of...what we’re about to do.” She thumbed her fingers together. “I know you had a fight with Nigel. Again.” 

Abby looked at her sternly. “Who told you that?” 

“Maurice did.” 

“Maurice needs to mind his own business.” 

“He’s your sponsor, Abby. It’s his job to protect you.” 

She huffed. 

“Severing ties is never easy. But going after false leads just to feel close to them again...” 

“That’s not—” 

“Abby you can’t do anything. You’ll compromise your cover.” 

That made Abby stop. 

“You can’t keep feeling guilty over something you didn’t have any control over.” 

“Vicki if I do nothing and something happens to him...” 

Vicki pinched her nose. 

“He’ll win, Vicki. You know he will. The things he makes...” 

“He hasn’t been the same since decommissioning. I don’t think—” 

“You think you can make a genius not a genius no more just by changing their memories?” Abby griped. “That boy’s got the mind to build the next super weapon and you wanna just hand that on over to the Adults.” 

“That is not what I’m saying—” 

“I am not gonna let him get hurt again!” 

Vicki was quiet for a minute. 

“So make sure he doesn’t compete,” Vicki finally said. “Sabotage is in your jurisdiction as a Freshman field agent.” 

Abby was stunned. “I couldn’t—” 

“Abigail. If what you are saying is true, then it isn’t enough to stop the science fair. They’ll be sniffing around every corner, in grades, school projects, all of it. If you make a case, you can have someone assigned to the kid and make sure he doesn’t draw any unnecessary attention to himself. That’s the only way you’re going to win this without blowing our operation wide open.” 

“I’ll find another way.” 

“I don’t think there is one.” Vicki looked at the files. “You’ll have to open a case with the PuzzleTown Base.” 

Abby thought for a moment. “I don’t want no one else on this.” 

“Abby, this is a full-time job. You’re a field agent. You don’t have time.” 

“I have time. I’ll make time.” 

“He’s not your responsibility.” 

Abby stood. “He’s my friend,” she said. She began to whisper so Vicki couldn’t hear. “Punk-ass nerd owes me a quarter.” 

Abby’s hand could not dig any deeper into her cheek. Her toes pressed into the tile floor as her heels moved up and down. Her eyes became blurry as the world went in and out of focus. The blonde girl in front of her was rambling on and on about something. This was her job now. Listening to rich white women talk about shallow things of very little interest to her. She knew she should be paying attention, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had worked her way into the position where she could sit at the table with what the TND called the “A” group, the most elite group of underclassmen popular girls in the school. It took a ton of kissing ass, but she finally did it. And they were, without a doubt, the worst people Abby had ever met. 

“I just have so much anxiety, like, she doesn’t even know. Nobody understands me. Like...I just am so overwhelmed I need medication.” 

“You have it so hard.” 

“It’s like those massages make me function, you know?” 

“Totally.” 

“Two a week just isn’t enough!” 

For the kids, she told herself. Do it for the kids. 

She reached into her lunch box, her only saving grace. She pulled out a cupcake and started to unwrap it. What she was not expecting, was that the minute she did this, the girl in front of her ceased her chatter and let out a high-pitched yelp. 

“Abby! Eww! What is that?” 

Abby sat up. “It’s...my lunch?” 

“Do you know how many calories that is?!” The girl squealed. “Like...a zillion.” 

“Actually, it’s a hundred eighty-” Abby started to correct her, but Vicki nudged her in warning. 

“Abby.” The girl leaned over, her perky white b-cups slipping down and out of her lace camisole. “I’m saying this for your own good, okay. Stuff like that can kill you. Or worse.” 

“It’s just a cupcake...” Abby said as she slowly began to close the box. But the blonde girl took it and opened it up, dumping the contents all over the table. “Hey!” 

“Omg Abigail...what the fuck is all this shit?” The table howled with laughter. “Is this what happens when you pack your own lunch? What are you, five?!” 

“I-” 

“Oh, Abby,” Another brunette girl said, flipping her hair back. “You don’t even wanna start, okay? You know that girl I was telling you about, the one on our cheer squad, she used to be like...ninety pounds, total bean pole, and now she looks like a freakin’ meow-mix commercial.” 

Abby leaned over to Vicki. “What does that mean? I have no idea what she’s even talkin’ about...” 

“If you keep eating like this, you’re gonna get fat, Abby. And I’m totally inclusive and respectful but like...sometimes you concern me. It’s never too early to start thinking about health.” She pulled out a carrot from her own bag, handing it to Abby, who almost screamed when she saw it. “Eat this. It’s basically like candy.” 

“IT IS NOT BAS-” She could feel Vicki’s glare now. Humbly, she quieted her voice. “I mean really? Just like candy, huh?” 

The girl scooped all of the junk food into her bag. “Let’s get rid of this before I barf,” she said. 

And as it went into the trash, Abby played a silent version of taps in her head out of respect. 

“Are you currently experiencing any sexual attraction toward Nigel?” 

“The heck does that mean?” Abby glared at the woman sitting across from her. 

“Do you fantasize about him sexually?” 

“N-No!” 

“It’s highly common for grief in these cases to manifest in conjunction with the changing body. You can tell me the truth, Abigail. This is a safe space.” 

The woman, who was the on-site therapist for the TND, had been recruited after a series of unfortunate events involving certain operatives. The rates of these tragic events were increasing at an exponential rate. The therapist, highly trained and an Adult spy for the Adults Next Door, did not receive the greatest reception. Abby was not an exception. 

“I do not.” 

“Do you harbor romantic feelings toward him?” 

“I don’t see what any of this has to do with me doing my job.” 

“You are a growing young woman. You may not have context for all of these changes and feelings, particularly if they contradict what you used to believe or value. And yes, Abigail, that does affect your job whether you want it to or not.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Abby swiveled in her chair. 

“Are you at least having these conversations with your teammates?” 

“No, I am not.” 

“Do you feel ashamed of yourself when you have sexual urges?” 

“Who says I got urges?” 

“Some of my clients bottle up their...adolescent attributes to protect their innocence. But biology is biology and these feelings end up expressing themselves in unhealthy ways. Explosive ways. The refusal to discuss them—” 

“I know why I’m here.” 

“Nobody said—” 

“You wanna make sure I’m healthy? That I’m emotionally stable enough to do this job?” She derided. “I’m not. Nobody is stable enough to do this job. To lose people they love. To watch them walk blindly into servitude. To lose more people than they can save. Nobody. Adults are hurting kids. You want me to just...accept that I’m gonna become one of them? I won’t. I will not be an Adult.” She stood up. “You can write that in your dumb li’l notebook.” 

Abby stood up and walked out. She never went back to therapy. 

“They call it post-decommission depression. It could be temporary.” 

“Could be?!” 

“He’ll be fine, Abby.” 

“Does he look fine, Maurice?” 

“The process is painful. Most agents spend their entire childhoods in the KND, so when they get out...it’s like childhood never even happened.” 

“That’s so wrong.”

“It’s the sacrifice we make to make a difference.” 

“Nigel’s gonna...”

“Oh, no. You are not going to tell Nigel. You’re not going to tell him any of this!” 

“I’ve gotta do something. Say...something. I can’t just...I mean...look at him!” 

“The best thing you can do for him is turn around and walk away.” 

“Maurice!” 

“Abby. Turn around. And walk away.” 

Against all better judgement, she did. 

Abby closed her locker, watching intently as the students passed by. She did it every day now, waited by the lockers to see if they passed by. Giving herself just enough time to slip into her classes at the last minute, she would peek around the corner. Stealthily. No one was watching her. They were all caught up in their own lives to notice her. And then, always as the sun would hit the tile floor, the dust particles dancing in that ray of light. Like a film, they would come. Her smile stretched all across her face, her cheeks rosy, flowered with the scent of love. Her hand folded into his in a perfect fit. And he would smile too, his bangs combed over his eyes, so no one could see just how happy she made him. But Abby could see it, in the corners of his lips, in the softness of his touch. It was the rebirth of something old that was all at once new. Abby had never seen anything quite so beautiful. 

A boy and a girl blushed by spring’s awakening. 

And new life was found in what before was a barren garden. 

And though Abby was not a romantic, she felt something stir in her when she watched them pass. Her in her cheer outfit. Him in his track suit. 

Like it was almost possible. 

Love.

“So you turned him down, da?” Henrietta stretched her legs out onto the sand, the sun perfectly kissing them. 

“Of course I turned him down,” Abby replied.

“You just couldn’t leave ihre one true love, could you?” 

Abby smirked. “Oh, and that’s supposedt’a be you?” 

“If only, Abigail,” she sighed, resting further into the sand. “If only.” 

“I ain’t ready to go back. It’s Summer break and I got no team, no friends, just trainin’ and Maurice...who keeps makin’ googly-woogly eyes at my sister. Nasty.” 

“So, ze real question is vat vill you do now zat you are ein High Schooler?” 

“Right now I just wanna find this temple,” Abby said, rolling out the map. “One thing at a time.” 

“Just like ze old times, eh?” 

“I need the distraction.” 

Her foot graced Abby’s leg. “Vell, if it is distraction you vant...I can provide.” 

Abby moved her leg away. “What are you doin’?” 

“Say you und me don’t stop vith zis temple. Ve keep it going all through ze summer. Ve’ll go everywhere you vant to go und forget all about...everyzing. Excepten each ozer.” 

Abby giggled. “Heinie, we talked about this. I ain’t gonna date you. You’re nothin’ but trouble.” 

“Just give me ze summer,” she pleaded. “I’ll change your mind.” 

“I don’t wanna date anyone right now.” 

“Just ze summer. Nozing required.” 

Abby stopped, digging her own toes and legs in the sand. “Where would we go?” 

“Anyvere!” Henrietta shouted. “Everyvere...You deserve zis, Abigail. You deserve to be happy.” 

The peacefulness of the beach, the waves crashing along the sand. In the distance, people were swimming and playing. This was Abby’s happy place. When she closed her eyes, this was the place she imagined. She wasn’t poetic. She wasn’t really romantic. But the beach to her was peace. Just being there made everything just a little bit better. 

“Say you’re sick.” Maurice’s voice was stern over the phone. 

“Why?” 

“You just...should.” 

“I got that meeting with the boss today,” Abby said as she scrambled to get ready. “Says I been so good he might give me a real mission! I can’t wait to tell Numbuh 1! He’s gonna flip!” 

“I can talk to Toby. You just really...might want to think about staying home until you’re ready.” 

“Ready?” Abby stopped mid-sock. “Ready for what?” 

“Something unexpected...happened. It could be triggering for you and I just want you to stay mentally sound.” 

“Maurice. Spit.” 

“You’ve been so happy lately. I don’t want this to send you into a spiral again.” 

“Maurice. What. Happened.” 

“Good morning, Abigail!” 

It was every morning. Every single morning. Never once did he miss a beat. His grin was as wide as his cheeks as he greeted her and every time, she responded the same way. 

“Get lost, Loser.” 

“Good morning, Abigail!” 

“Beat it, Nerd.” 

“Good morning, Abigail!” 

“Goodbye, Freak.” 

“Good morning, Abigail!” 

“Can’t you bother someone else?” 

Hoagie smiled. “Nope.” 

But that day his voice was solemn. Not that Abby noticed. She had stayed up the whole night before prepping for a test, which was harder than she thought. In fact, she wasn’t paying attention to him at all. That’s where the trouble started. 

“Good morning, Abigail.” 

“Mornin’, Hoagie.” 

The two froze in tandem, their lockers half-open. Abby hid her face by sticking her head inside. Crap. Crap. She was even swearing in her mind now. But the situation warranted it. She wanted for his eyes to move to her, she could always feel when they did. Her ears burned. Her breath stopped. What could she do? How did she fix this? Tell him the truth? She wanted to. Oh god, she wanted to. But if he knew the truth he would be ashamed of himself for not making it in. Would it ruin the rest of his childhood? Would it blow her chances of staying with the TND?

His voice cracked. “You said my name.” 

Abby’s ears were steaming. 

Say somethin’, Numbuh 5. Anything. Just speak! “Y-yeah...what of it—” 

SLAM! Hoagie’s locker door crashed closed, sending rockets of sound through the hall. He turned a few heads briefly, stalling conversations. The sound surged through Abby like an electric shock. And then, like a simmering pot, he whispered. 

“Fuck this.” 

And then he walked away. But he wasn’t gone. Abby shut her own locker door staring after him. As she did, her feet began to move. They moved quickly down the hall. She pushed past students and teachers, not caring about them. No. Screw this. She wasn’t going to just sit by and let this memory go along. 

Not this one. 

In her mind, she could ear Wally and Kuki’s bodiless voices. The way she had after the incident. Everything was mush, no timeline, no consistency. Just pure betrayal. 

“--Looks like the old woman won.” 

“I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna ring him out and dry him like a line of wash and I’m gonna kill him.” 

“Wally.” 

“I’m gonna bloody kill him!!” 

Sobbing. Raging. More sobbing. 

“How could he do this? Why would he do this?!” 

“I don’t know. But you and me, we’ll get through it.” 

“Will we? Cause I ain’t so sure anymore, Kuki. They got Numbuh 5, they broke Numbuh 2...and Numbuh 1...fucking Numbuh 1...” 

“Wally...don’t say—”

“What’s the point anymore, Kuki?! It’s all gone! All of it! The Adults keep winning and winning and winning and this is what we become! We become...that! What if you and I...” 

“We won’t. We’ll always find each other. If we do this together, neither of us have to be sad.” 

“It’s my fault. I should’a...seen somethin’...done somethin’.” 

“Numbuh 4...I don’t think any of us could stop this. I don’t think even the Kids Next Door itself would be enough. We were lucky. Like a four-leaf clover rainbow monkey.” 

“Seriously, not the cruddy time.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Numbuh 1 ran off and left us with this. Well, fuck him. And fuck this!” 

“Fuck this.” 

Fuck. This. 

“Hey...” she called into the crowd, still able to see the back of Hoagie’s hat, which was changing each time she saw it. Grey beanie. Aviator Cap. Glasses. Goggles. “Hey! Don’t you walk away from me!” She sprinted. Hallway after hallway. “You’re really gonna let that be the last thing you say to me? You never say a word about nothin’ and all the sudden you leave me with that? I had you for two more months!” 

Hoagie didn’t slow down and as fast as she ran she could not catch up to him. 

“Two months! And you took that away and left me with this?!” She screamed at him. “You know what?! You and Cree should get married! You’re just like her! You’re a coward and a liar and you gave up on me!” The veins in her neck strained. “You said you would never give up on me! How dare you leave me like she did!” 

The crowd swarmed her, and she lost him. She lost the voices of Wally and Kuki. She felt her body dissolving in the faceless masses. 

“I’m sorry...” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. Please come back. Numbuh 2...Numbuh 3...Numbuh 4...I can’t...” The room got dark. Walls caving in around her with thick metal casings. Grey. Brown. Rust. Machinery. “No. No I don’t wanna be decommissioned! I don’t want to join the TND! I don’t wanna grow old! I don’t want change! I just want them back! Please! Please Hoagie...Kuki...Wally...Nigel...” Her knees fell to the floor. “Come back.” 

“And so, as we depart I just wanna say it has been an honor serving as your Soopreme Leader for the past year. I know y’all have been in the midst of a lotta transition, what with the Galactic Kids Next Door bein’ involved’n all. But no matter how much things change, we will always have our solidarity. We built this organization and we’ll continue to build it so that each and every kid’s got a place to be a kid. And I hope whoever takes my place will continue to do right by our planet and our kids.” She paused. “That’s all I got. Take care of each other. Remember who you are. Kids Next Door Rules!” 

As she pumped her fist in the air, it was followed by an uproarious applause. Abby tipped her hat over her eyes to hide her prideful blush. Hopping off the platform, she went to meet her team. To say goodbye, one last time. 

“Phew. Baby. That was rough,” she admitted, trying to sound normal. “I was so nervous I skipped over a whole part in the middle— kept stumblin’ over the words.” 

All three of her team members stared at the ground. 

“Yeah. You’re right. It sucked hard.” 

“It was perfect, Abby,” Kuki said. “We-we’re so...” But she couldn’t stop the hose of tears squirting out from both eyes. 

Wally took her hand, which seemed to help. His eyes didn’t move from his toes. “Proud. Or...whatevah.” 

Kuki nodded, still unable to stop from sobbing. 

“Numbuh 3...the p-r-e-z-a.” 

“Presents!” She exclaimed, her mood suddenly lifted. 

Abby slapped her face. “I told y’all no presents.” 

“Present time! Present time!” She danced around. “Numbuh 4 first!” 

“You guys! I said no gifts!” Abby tried again. 

“They’re not really gifts,” Wally said. “Just stuff to keep in your house. So when you forget about us, we’ll still be like...around. I guess.” 

“It was Wally’s idea! He’s so thoughtful...” Kuki tried to kiss him. 

“Alright...Alright get off!” He pushed her away. “Here. Happy Birthday.” He handed Abby a crumpled-up piece of paper. 

Abby stared at it for a long time, the scribbles were almost illegible, and it seemed to be some kind of personal story about how Wally learned to tie his shoes. “Uh...what is it?” 

He kicked the ground. “It’s my first C. I kept it, cause you stayed up all night helpin’ me write it that one time. It smells funny cause I kept it at the bottom of my sock drawer but...” 

“I took the shoe. Picked up the strings on the shoe. No one thought I could do it. They were soo happy. My shoes are white. I don’t like color shoes. They are for girls.” Abby read what she could from the story. “You’re so bad at writing, Numbuh 4.” 

“Hey! I got better!” He flushed, trying to suck up the tear in the corner of his eye. “Anyway...it ain’t much but it meant a lot to me, so I guess...I was hoping...it would mean a lot to you too.” 

Abby hugged the page to her chest. “Thank you.” 

He blushed harder as she folded it and put it in her pocket. 

“My turn!” Kuki nearly pushed her boyfriend over trying to get Abby’s attention. “My gift is way better!” 

“Pft. If you like girly things...” Wally huffed. 

“Shush!” Kuki moved directly in front of him, causing the short boy to blow up like a balloon. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small rainbow-monkey-themed key chain. “Ta-da!” 

“Ta-da...” Abby tried to be excited but couldn’t figure out why Kuki would have given her this. Usually, she was great at gifts, being the kind of thoughtful person she was. 

“It’s the keychain!” 

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“No, silly it’s the keychain! I won it!” 

But Abby still didn’t understand. 

“You know. When Numbuh 1 get tranquilized by that dart and Lizzie came and tried to wake him up and he knew the special code to win the contest, so we could win the keychain! This is it! Isn’t it great!” 

“I told you to get her french-fries...” Wally whispered.

“Ugh!” She pushed him away further. “When Numbuh 1 couldn’t lead, we all fought about who would take his place, remember? You said you would never ever be the leader ever again but look! You became the Soopreme Leader! Which is the biggest leader of all time!!” She ran to Abby, placing the keychain in her hands. “You are the coolest, bravest, prettiest girl in the whole world and whenever I look at that keychain, I remember how amazing you are. And I hope you never ever ever EVER forget it!” 

“That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me...” Abby was now starting to lose her cool but managed to suck it up. Just for another ten minutes until midnight...she had to keep it together. “Thanks, Kuki.” 

There was silence as all three brought their attention to the third and final kid, whose eyes hadn’t left the ground since the speech began. Abby put the keychain in her other pocket and went over to him, her feet exactly parallel to his, facing him. 

“You’re quiet,” she said. “Numbuh 5 don’t think she’s ever been around when you weren’t talking.” 

Hoagie sighed, and without saying a word, bent down to his shoe, removing it. 

Abby was prepared. “If you got me a pun for my birthday I swear—” 

But the hand pulled something out of the shoe and held it out to her. In it was a laminated card. Abby took it, looking at the back. The word YIPPER was printed in yellow ink. 

“A tradin’ card? You got me a tradin’ card...” 

Hoagie shot up. “Excuse me?!” 

There he is, she thought. 

“That is not just a trading card, Numbuh 5. I had to trade half my deck to get it! Not to mention all the lunches I had to swap! It took like a whole month to get that—” 

“Numbuh 78.” Abby realized. 

Hoagie huffed, having worked himself up into a sweat. “Yeah. I would’a gotten you one that was more rare, but you kept talking about this one. So I got it for you. And it was not easy. After Numbuh 42 stole it the first time it increased in popularity a lot!” 

Wally nudged him. “Dude. That’s not what I meant when I said she wouldn’t shut up about that mission...” 

“What do you mean? Of course it’s what you meant. What else could you have meant?” 

“Numbuh 2, I can’t take this,” she finally said. “I don’t even play...” 

“That doesn’t matter,” he said. “I want you to have it.”

“Why?” 

He shrugged and kicked the floor. “I dunno, cause...” He rocked back and forth. “I’m kinda selfish. And there’ve been a lotta times where I screwed up a mission or didn’t do my best, cause I only cared about what I wanted. It all seems so important, you know? The candy. The cards. Getting the girl you like to go out with you. But I don’t...” He stopped rocking, his body now quivering. He tried to sniff up his tears, but it was to no avail. “I don’t want it any more. Any of it. I would give it all up. Just to get that time back.” 

For the first time in their friendship, Abby was so overwhelmed with emotion that she acted without thinking. She threw her arms around him, pulling him into her. Her hand grabbed the back of his hat, cradling his head and squeezed for dear life. Though he was clearly clean, he still smelled like rocket fuel. 

“I’m sorry. I really thought he’d come,” he said in a broken whisper. 

She held tighter. “Shuddup and hug me goodbye.” She pulled away from him and grabbed her other friends. “All of you. Get in here.” The three hugged each other, trying so hard not to cry. “You are the best friends in the whole world. And I am so so so lucky to have spent the best part of my life with you.” She kissed them on the cheek one at a time. “Take care of each other. You’re all you’ve got in the world, don’t never forget it. I love you so much. And no decommissioning could ever erase that.” 

She took a step back and saluted to her friends, who saluted back. “Kids Next Door...” she said. “Never say goodbye.” 

The three nodded. 

“Oh. Before I forget.” Abby stepped in front of Hoagie who was stiff as a board. “Tag,” she poked him in the forehead. “You’re it.” 

The Galactic Kids Next Door headquarters was actually quite small. Abby figured this was because they had outposts all throughout the Universe, which meant less need for centralized government...or whatever. The system was like it was on Earth only bigger. Much, much bigger. The G:KND were secretive about their operations, even as they communicated with the Earth branch now. Technically, Abby had not agreed to allow the Earth to assimilate into the G:KND “union” if you could call it that. This wasn’t because she didn’t trust them, but because they had got along fine before without them and maintaining a sense of distance and freedom was important. The so-called politics of Earth was vastly different than those of other planets associated with the intergalactic branches and Abby did not think the Kids would understand nor empathize much with the plight of their people. 

Of course, Nigel was a little miffed about this as he thought the Earth joining the G:KND would provide more opportunities for coalition between himself and the Earth operatives. But Abby knew Nigel well enough to know that he just wanted that secretly, so he wouldn’t have to return to Earth. He could “have his cake and eat it too.” She couldn’t blame him. Compared to Earth, everywhere was paradise. But the G:KND was more of a paradise for Kids than any human could ever dream and Nigel was completely under its spell. Abby was not so easily hypnotized. The G:KND kept their distance and didn’t exactly trust the Earthlings and their disease-ridden “aging”, thus relations while civil were definitely tense. So when Abby was invited to visit the G:KND headquarters, she was beyond surprised. 

She could not resist the chance to see it for herself, and most importantly, to finally see Nigel again after what had been practically a full year of video calls and letters. She was thrilled to her core but tried her best to hide it. Nigel was not good at hiding his own excitement. He paraded her around the campus, showing her the soda fountains (which were actual fountains of soda), the mountains of ice cream sundaes, the game areas, and the tree houses...some of the most magnificent treehouses Abby had ever seen. Lizzie, who they now called Numbuh Vine, followed them with searing intensity. No matter how hard Abby tried, she could never get Vine to lighten up around her. Chad had also begged his way into the G:KND but he wasn’t allowed the same privileges as Nigel despite being on his team. 

“There’s a planet you need to visit!” Nigel exclaimed as they passed through the halls. “It’s entirely all water-slides! Can you believe it? Isn’t it incredible? Doesn’t it make you want to cry?!” 

Abby smiled, shaking her head at her enthusiastic best friend who was, in her mind, cutest when he was like this. “It’s definitely somethin’...” 

“You must see the chocolate towers, Numbuh 5! Don’t you think, Vine? Wouldn’t she love them?” 

“Oh yeah, great. Sure,” a jealous Vine teetered behind. 

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. This is so exciting!” 

“You guys actually do any work here in the Galactic Kids Next Door, or is it play, nap, repeat?” 

Nigel laughed. “Well, the work is...different. We’re fighting a disease, but in most of the Universe the battle we face on Earth every day is already won.” 

“That must drive you nuts,” Abby said. 

“I thought it would, but actually I feel more determined than ever! Knowing that out here we’ve already won...it gives me hope.” 

“So you’ll be extra inspired to fight when you come home,” she replied, knowingly provoking him. 

She could see Vine’s leaves wilt. 

“Numbuh 5, look at this place. It’s a paradise. Where Kids can be free to just be Kids without fear or judgement. How could anyone want to leave it? It will be lifetimes before Earth is even close to this!” 

“Exactly!” Vine stepped in. “Nigie is perfectly at home here. With us.” 

“I am more helpful here than I am on Earth,” he said. “Abby this...this is what we were meant for. This is where we belong, not working jobs and having families and becoming servants to the Adults.” He jumped up, fist tight. “And once I find the cure for aging, all of this will be ours too. Just imagine it. Earth like this. No more wars. No more companies. No more vegetables.”

“A kid can dream...” Abby said. “It’s gonna be hard goin’ into the TND after this, that’s for sure.” 

Nigel stopped. “Abby...” 

“Hm?” 

“What if...” he turned to her. “You didn’t go into the TND.” 

Abby blinked. “And be decommissioned? Nigel, how could you—” 

“No, no. I mean you’re here now. So why not just...stay?” 

Vine shriveled. “S-Stay here. Nigie...that’s so sweet of you. You’re so sweet. But the council would never allow it. Like ever.” 

“On the contrary,” Nigel took another step toward Abby. “It was the council’s idea.” 

Abby couldn’t wrap her head around what he was saying. “The council...wants me...in the G:KND?” 

“They’ve seen your work and they think you would be a perfect fit! You and I could stay in paradise. You wouldn’t have to wait for me to come back anymore, you could be here! You and me and Chad, and Vine of course. Oh, and Pine too. What a team!” 

“We have a team.” 

“You have to leave the KND anyway,” Nigel said. “And the council only approved you.” 

Abby whispered to herself. “Why does that keep happening to me?” 

“You could fight the Adults for years, Abby, and never actually make a difference. Here you, we can make a difference. We can change the course of history. We can do it together. You and me. Just as it began.” 

Abby looked at the excitement in his face, the hope in his eyes. His cheeks were wrinkled he was smiling so widely. She had to admit she had never seen a human more genuinely happy as he did in that moment. 

“Nigie! You never asked me about this!” Vine tried but was ignored. “Nigel!!” 

“So...what do you say?” he took Abby’s hands. 

The lump in her throat got bigger. “Uhh...”

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED (AGAIN)...

WARNING  
CEASE AND DESIST  
YOU ARE BEING CORRUPTED  
THIS FILE CANNOT BE DELETED  
PLEASE 

DO NOT READ FURTHER 

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File relocated. 

Connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Depression and hints of suicidal parallels.
> 
> *[ ]* = Dream sequence as decommissioning erases all memories including those conjured by the subconscious.


	6. M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (PART THREE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby rides out the rest of her memories, not all of them as pure as she initially thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Implied violence and abuse/Death/Trauma
> 
> NOTE: This chapter takes a few liberties with the timeline in order to show the fragmentation of memory, but also how present events subconsciously shape how we remember the past. 
> 
> This fic is technically canon-divergent anyway so...I guess it doesn't really matter. I hope you enjoy it anyway!

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Code: [RESTRICTED]

Operation: M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S. (Part Three) 

Many  
Emotional  
Moments  
Originate  
Right  
In  
Everyone’s  
Subconscious 

Written by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by  
Tom Warburton and Cartoon Network

Episode 23

RESUMING TRANSMISSION...

“You really don’t wanna come?” 

“Abby, if I came it would be a whole to-do, wouldn’t it?” 

“You know they’ll never forgive you.” 

“I will come for theirs! But since you’re not actually being decommissioned—” 

“Shh! They don’t know that!” 

“Trust me, Numbuh 5. It’s better this way. Keeping distance is the best way to avoid...” He gulped. “Missing them.” 

“I already miss them. Distance ain’t gonna help that.” 

“Perhaps you haven’t given yourself enough.” 

“Well I ain’t lightyears away like you, but I tried it and it don’t work. I miss them too much.”She groaned. “And now Numbuh 2 wants to do this project. I mean what the heck is that boy thinkin’? What am I gonna do if he screws up and I’m already knee-deep in TND stuff? I can’t just blow my cover and dig him outta his hole. And you know him, he always finds a way to get into trouble and it’s gettin’ worse by the day. Do you know how many times he falls off stuff in a week? He’s always got new bumps and bruises all over the place and I tell him not to do stupid stuff, he’s the leader now he’s gotta be responsible but every day now I notice somethin’ new. And he tries to cover’m cause he thinks he’s so clever. Like I won’t notice when he checks in that he can’t blend his mama’s makeup. Like I won’t know he’s been doin’ dangerous stuff. I know he’s doin’ dangerous stuff!! But I call him out on it and he gets all flustered and don’t wanna come clean. So fine. Whatever. But if he gets delightulized or falls off a roof again I swear I’m gonna burry him into the ground right next to his daddy!” 

“Numbuh 5! That’s a horrible thing to say!” 

“Well, I’m sorry but the boy drives me crazy! I can’t take any more jokes, Nigel. If I gotta hear one more pun I’m gonna pummel him.” 

“Abby.” 

“And how is Numbuh 4 gonna pass his classes? In that boy’s world two plus two equals fish and Harriet Tubman invented the bathtub. How is he gonna survive in school without my help? Make it through high school? He keeps losin’his homework and when you pull it out it’s all crumpled and ripped apart. What does he think is gonna happen? Not to mention all the fights he starts for no reason! He made a little girl cry the other day cause he didn’t like her doll. I swear, if I had a nickel for every time I had to drag him out of a useless fight. And he don’t even care. He’s gonna pick fights with everybody and I can’t do nothin’ because I gotta keep my distance. He’s gonna drop outta school. I know it. I can’t do this, Numbuh 1. I’m gonna lose my mind. I’m already losin’ my mind.” 

“Abby.” 

“And Numbuh 3 just lets everyone do everything for her cause she’s cute. What happens when she gets older and gotta do things for herself? No one’s gonna make her do stuff. I’m the only one that makes her do stuff. Without me, what’s she gonna do? Who’s she gonna trust? She won’t live up to her potential! And who’s gonna make sure she and Numbuh 4 stay together? Who’s gonna visit My First Rainbow Monkey in the retirement home? Who...” 

Nigel waited for her. 

“Who is gonna take care of my team, Nigel? They’re gonna be out there...in the world...all alone...without me.” 

“I think this is the part,” he said. “Where you have to trust them.” 

Abby wiped a tear from her cheek. “Trust? Those idiots?” She sniffed and smiled. “Impossible.” 

“So, I got this one kid.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“And he’s just so annoying! He fights all the time.” 

“Right.” 

“And I ain’t even told him to fight anything! He’s fightin’ with the other kids!” 

“And that don’t sound familiar?” 

“...Familiar? No! No one on our team was ever like that! He’s just as bad as Numbuh 362’s brothah. And no one is as bad as that kid, not even Mushi. But this kid drives me bananas! And he doesn’t listen!” 

“Numbuh 5 was surprised you wanted to recruit. You hate young kids. And girls. And especially young girls.” 

“Actually, the girls are really nice.” He flushed. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.” 

“No promises.” 

“Numbuh 2 was supposed to do it, cause we get requests and stuff but he’s so bad at it! He just lets them do whatever! Oh no, it’s fine. Just play around. Goof off! It’s not like we’re here for training. Remind me again why you made him the leader?” 

“He’s good at delegating.” 

“Gatin’? What, he can make gates? That don’t make sense, Numbuh 5.” 

“No, ding-dong. It means you’re good at recruitment, so he lets you do the recruitment stuff.” 

“Oh.” Wally thought about this. "OH! Well, then I guess he’s not so dumb after all.” 

“Oh, he’s plenty dumb. Blind as a bat. Overly-ambitious. A pain in my—” 

“At least he didn’t give this job to Numbuh 3. Last time she gave away cookies to all the kids and then they wanted me to bring them cookies and I was like...no. I ain’t brinin’ you cookies! You’re little monsters!”

“You loooove them.” Abby grinned. 

“Do not!” 

“You wanna watch’m succeed.” 

“S-Shut up! I’m just doin’ this job for Numbuh 2!” 

“Uh-huh. Sure.” 

“...I hate you.” 

“You miss me.” 

“Like crud I do!” 

“You miss me so muuuuch.” She hugged the short kid, rubbing his blonde hair with her hand. “And you love children!” 

“I don’t!” 

“Numbuh 4’s a regular ol’ softie.” 

“I’m gonna smack you!” 

Kuki pushed Abby along the street, though Abby couldn’t see anything through her blindfold. 

“Numbuh 3...where are we goin’?” 

“You’ll see!” she exclaimed excitedly. After a while she lifted the blind-fold, showing an abandoned building. “Ta-da!” 

“Ta-what?” 

Kuki grabbed her hands and swung her around. “So I was thinking since you’re Soopreme Leader now and Numbuh 2 has his new project and Numbuh 4 being a total butt about everything, I wanted a project of my own! And...well...here it is!” 

“That’s great, Kuki. But what is it?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Kuki squealed. “Don’t you remember My First Rainbow Monkey? And that evil Nurse Clayborne tried to use him in her cereal and you saved him?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, even though she was a horrible mean lady who should be punished for that cruel thing, I thought...the retirement home for stuffies wasn’t a bad idea. But! Retirement homes are so...ugh, you know? I mean sign my death certificate now, why don’tcha? So!” She rubbed her sleeved hands together. “I’ve devised a plan! Introducing – San-baan! The all-inclusive stuffed animal spa and treatment center!” 

Abby glared at the building. “A Spa...for stuffed animals.” 

“Once they get old, their owners can take them here. We can re-stitch them, give them new coats, fresh buttons, let them relax and enjoy themselves. I even have a Rainbow Monkey special offer that offers a strict diet of birthday cake and sharing!” Kuki beamed. “And when they’re all freshened up, we can give them to kids who don’t have any toys to play with. Like orphanages or...poor families.” 

“That’s...actually...a great idea.” 

“Isn’t it?!” 

“You sure you can get all this done by your birthday?” 

“Well, Numbuh 4 has taken over recruitment and we don’t exactly have that many missions these days. So we have lots of time.” 

“Numbuh 4...is on recruitment.” She couldn’t believe it. 

“I love teamwork, but it’s really fun to do something for myself, you know? I’ve never had my own project! And I think this could change a lot of stuffie’s lives." 

“Lotta kid’s lives too, Kuki. Don’t sell yourself short.” Abby smiled. “So are your Rainbow Monkeys gonna be the first customers?” 

“Oh golly no!” Kuki gasped. “I will never ever ever get rid of my Rainbow Monkeys!” 

“Didn’t think so.” 

“Ever.” 

“So, what do you say?” Abby had never seen Hoagie so shaky in her life. 

“S-Say?” Abby trembled. She was apparently shaking just as much. “I can’t approve this!” 

He pouted. “Why not?” 

“Why no— You look at these plans you tell me why not.” 

He huffed. “So it’s a little dangerous...”

“A little dangerous?” 

“C’mon, Numbuh 5! The Arctic Sector won’t approve the project, so I need you to override it. Please!” He folded his fingers together. “When do I ever ask you for anything?” 

“You are supposed’ta be trainin’ new recruits. I put you in charge of the team, so you could lead them, not endanger yourself with this...this...I don’t even know what this is.”

“My mom calls it a phase,” Hoagie teased. “I am not a leader like you and Numbuh 1! I am a scientist! Let me do science!” 

“Not this science.” 

“Ugh! Come on!” 

“No. Absolutely not.” 

“Please!” 

“Numbuh 2!” Abby stood up. “What you are askin’ to do is insane!” 

Hoagie’s lips twisted. “So we just continue to do nothing. That’s real Kids Next Door spirit...” 

Abby sighed, sitting back down. She knew he was right but... “Why the Delightful Children?” she asked. 

“Because no one is even trying to help them.” 

“For good reason.” 

“We’ve been sitting on the truth for like...basically forever now and everyone is too scared to do anything! But if we don’t do something, Father is just gonna keep torturing those kids!” He went toward her more confidently. “I can do it, Numbuh 5. I have the skills and we aren’t getting any missions lately because of recruitment so I have the time...” 

“You have the stupidity. You do realize that you can’t magic them back? In order to study delightfulization you need—” 

“A delightfulization chamber. I know.” 

“No.” 

“Numbuh 5—” 

“I think you need to rest yo’ head. You probably scramblified your brain on that fall.” 

“Now you really sound like my mom...” 

“What if somethin’ goes wrong? What if there's an accident? If this goes sideways you could be lost. Forever.” Her stomach turned. “You could belong to him.” 

He hesitated. “I know.” 

“So what gives?! Why would you do that? Why would you risk everything for the Delightful Children of all people?!” 

“Sector Z.” 

Abby shook her head. “Numbuh 2...this is crazy.” 

“Because they’re kids, and they need help and that’s what we do,” he said bluntly. “That’s what you’re always saying.” 

“Unless it’s chocolate pudding day...” Abby reminded him. “Then they’re on their own.” 

“Numbuh 1 said it was a great idea.” 

“That’s just a flat-out lie. You ain't even tryin' no more.” 

“Ugh! You don’t get it! Your family is perfect!” he shouted. 

“Perfect? Have you met my sister?” 

“That man hated his brother so much that he stole his friends, brainwashed them and has been torturing them for decades! Could you imagine what it would be like to be in that house? To live with that man? And they can’t even fight back!” He began to pace. “I-Imagine if Cree did that to you. Or if Tommy did that to me. Or Mushi! Actually, Mushi definitely would do that. She’s the devil. But, come on! We are better than this!” 

“Okay, we get someone to build it. That don’t have to be you.” 

“I want it to be me.” 

“Well, I don’t!” 

“It’s my proposal!” 

“It’s our last year together!” She shouted. “How the heck am I gonna cope if...” She had to swallow her words. “Nobody cares what I think. I ask them not to do things, they do’m anyway. I feel stupid for even tryin’. You’re just like Nigel. Both of you...ALL of you...” 

“Suppose,” Hoagie said gently. “Suppose there were kids in the world, who needed help. And they were in so much trouble they were embarrassed to even ask for it. Do you think the KND helps those kids? How could they, if they can’t even scream loud enough to be heard? And wouldn’t it be horrible if...if all of those kids never got saved?” He wrung his hands. “Maybe...we’re playing it safe.” 

“Safe? We risk our freedom every day—” 

“I didn’t mean that.” 

“Then what?” 

“I mean that...It’s complicated. The more battles we win, the more it feels like we’re losing the war.” His voice cracked again. “Maybe cause half the war isn’t out there, where we’re sending our agents. Maybe the other half is hidden in houses. And maybe that’s the half we’re losing.” 

Abby thought about this. “Why you?” 

He shrugged. “Because I can. And I want to. And no one else is.” 

“Nuh-huh. I know you. What’s goin’ on?” 

“Okay, fine.” He rested his hands on her desk, which was piled up high with paperwork. “I...” he looked at her for a long time as she waited. She couldn’t see that he was looking directly at her through his goggles, but she could feel his gaze. “I wanna be a hero.” 

“This just in...” Abby joked, not flabbergasted by this information. 

“Someone beat my chili-dog eating record today,” he said, trying to keep a light-hearted tone. “We’re older now. Someone is always gonna be a better pilot. A better scientist. A better Agent, you know? We can’t help that. We’re just shoulders for other people to stand on. I wanted to do something important. Isn’t that why you became the Soopreme Leader? To make the most of the time we have left?” 

Abby swallowed. “Yeah.” 

“I spent a long time pretending to be a hero and I don’t think I did a good job. I have my Dad’s name, but I haven’t been living up to it, have I?” 

“Numbuh 2...you’re doin’ great.” 

“I wanna save those kids. I can save those kids. I wanna be a hero. A real hero. Being a hero means being on the front-lines. For real. Not pretending. Not playing it safe. Not being afraid. Being willing to do what no one else is willing to do, so the right thing can be done.” He shrugged. “I learned that from you. But I won’t do anything without your approval.” He picked up the proposal papers and handed them to her. 

She grabbed them, tugging them so tightly that part of the corner ripped off. “Fine.” 

“YES!” He exclaimed, jumping up from his toes. “Thank you thank you thank you! You’re the best! I mean that, Numbuh 5! The best ever! You won’t regret this!”

“I already do,” she mumbled. 

However, she was shocked to feel a pressure on her right cheek as the smell of soap and rocket fuel was dancing around her senses. It was tender, not slobbery, but not light either. And as the pressure released, blood rushed to her cheeks as her heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t remember if it had ever happened before. 

“Numbuh 5? You okay?”

Apparently, Abby’s shock was all over her face. She looked down. “Uh...sorry I...ripped...the...” 

He peered over her. “Wow.” He said. “That’s tear-ible.” 

Abby blinked. Before anything happened, he sprinted toward the door. She crumpled his proposal and threw it at him like a bomb she desperately wanted to explode. 

“Thanks-a-lot-I’ll-send-you-another-one-see-ya-later-byeeeee.” 

The spot on her cheek still tingled. She rested her hand over it. The flush was now all in every crevice of her face, behind her ears, in her nose. And it didn’t stop tingling for the rest of the day. 

All she could smell was soap and rocket fuel. 

“Paper work,” Abby groaned, her desk piled high as she stared at her screen. “That’s all I remember about this period of my life. My team is off havin’ adventures. You’re in space. And I’m doin’ paper work. Numbuh 86 is supposed to do all this, but she don’t. Why do we have so many papers? What about this organization needs approval for everything!” 

Nigel laughed at her from the other side of the screen. 

“Oh ha-ha you wouldn’t be laughin’ if this was your job, Mister!” 

“If you hate it so much, why not quit? Go back to Sector V.” 

“I wanna but...” 

“But...” 

“Apparently Numbuh 5’s really good at this.” 

“Shocking!” he said sarcastically. “Numbuh 5 is a good leader! I would have never guessed!” 

Numbuh 86 soon came back, shoveling in another pile. Then another. And another. Soon Abby was drowning in paperwork. 

“Nope! I’m done! Get me outta here! You can delete this part I don’t care...” 

“You never talk about it.” 

Maybe she spoke too soon. 

“Never talk about what?” 

“Numbuh 1.” 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Numbuh 3’s still cryin’, Numbuh 4’s angry, but you ain’t said nothin’ since he left. And it has been months.” 

“I talk to him.” 

“But not about him. Don’t you miss him?” 

“Sure.” 

“You don’t act like it.” 

“I miss him.” 

“You never talk about nothin’. All you do is make jokes.” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“If you’re sad or angry or...just...feel any sort of way about it. Don’t you wanna talk about that? Ain’t that what friends are for?” 

“I don’t.” 

“Why.” 

“I don’t feel any sort of way about it.” 

“...” 

“It’s not like he’s dead.” 

“So you don’t care at all that Numbuh 1 is gone? Or that I’m gone? Or that soon all of this will be gone!” 

“People leave, Numbuh 5. It’s what they do. We can’t stop it, so why waste your feelings on it? Come on, you know that. Cree left you, then Maurice, now Numbuh 1, and soon you’ll leave us. It’s just life. It’s cruel and it sucks and it’s never-ending and it’s a waste of time to feel about it because it doesn’t change anything and it’s better than walking around being hurt all the time.” 

“...you’re a jerk.” 

The door slammed. 

Abby sighed, leaning against a different door. “Are you gonna be mad at me forever?” 

“Yes!” 

“Come on, Man. What was I supposedt’a do?” 

“Say no.” 

“To Numbuh 362.” 

“Yes!” 

She exhaled. “I’m sorry.” 

Huff. “No you’re not.” 

“Wally would you just...come out? Everyone’s worried.” 

“Sorry I had to drag you away from your important business.” 

“You can’t get what you want by poutin’. I thought that was Numbuh 3’s thing.” 

“You were just as upset at Numbuh 1 leaving as I was and then you went off and did the same cruddy thing!” he snapped. “And now ‘oooh hooray’ you get to talk to Numbuh 1 all the time but what about us? What about our family? What if this happens again! Will you still go back?!”

“Numbuh 4, it was an accident.” 

“Sure it was a cruddy accident...” he grumbled. “And then there’ll be another cruddy accident. And do you think Numbuh 1 is gonna care? No! He’s got his fancy space friends and he don’t need us no more.” 

“I thought you were over this—” 

“Numbuh 2 is my best friend! And he’s actin’ like nothing’s wrong, like it didn’t even cruddy happen! I talk to Numbuh 3 and she just gets all quiet, like she knows somethin’ but she won’t say what!” Wally croaked. The door flew open revealing the boy’s puffed-up cheeks. “I don’t care if Numbuh 1 is saving the world! I don’t care about the Kids Next Door! He should have been here!” 

“We agreed not to tell him.” 

“This is so stoopid!”

“I am tryin’ to keep this team together! Numbuh 1 is a part of that team! I can’t make him worry about stuff he can’t control!” 

“...Would you tell him if he died?” he grumbled. 

“Numbuh 4!” 

“Would you tell Numbuh 1 then? Would you lie about it? To protect his pwecious little brain? Why are you acting like this isn’t a cruddy crisis mega important terrible thing, Abby!” 

“Because—” 

“Because you care about Numbuh 1 more than you care about us! You always have! You always will! And now that he’s gone you’re stuck with us and you can’t stand it, can you? You ran away to the Moon Base, so you could get away from us. Maybe you should have gone to space with Numbuh 362 instead’a pretendin’ like you give a crud about what happens to Earth!” 

“Numbuh 4 I offered to come back,” she finally said. “I asked Numbuh 2 if he wanted me to come back, but he said no! Or else I would have. You know that. In a heartbeat I—” 

“Left.” 

“Wally.” 

“You left. You left. You left. You left. You left. You. Left!” he screamed. “You’re just like Numbuh 1! You’re perfect for each other! Just go off and get married and leave us alone!” 

“Look. I am sorry about Numbuh 1. I cannot change the past. I am sorry that I took that job. I just wanted to do something important. Numbuh 1 just wants to do something important...it doesn’t mean we don’t care about you.” 

“This is important.” 

“Of course it is...” 

“Why? Why does Numbuh 1 get a pass? Why does he get to abandon us to grow old while he lives in paradise with his cruddy girlfriend!” 

“Cause they chose him! Not us. And there ain’t nothin’ bein’ angry can do about it,” she heaved. “I can’t undo it. I can’t undo the last few weeks neither. I ain’t magic. I didn’t want any of this. And if Numbuh 2 says he doesn’t want to be leader no more then I will come back. I promise.”

“He ain’t gonna do that! Not after all this crud! All he wants in the world is to make you happy. To prove himself to you. Cause Numbuh 1 broke your heart. And you act like you’re fine with it but you ain’t fine with crud. And since I’m the only one who seems to actually say what I’m feeling, I’m saying what I’m feeling now. If you think Numbuh 2 is still doing this leader thing for any other reason, you are stupider than I am.” 

Abby crossed her arms, turning into herself defensively. “My heart is not broken.” 

Wally paused for a long time. “He ain’t alright. Something is wrong. But he won’t talk. He just laughs off everything. And you just put the weight’a the world on his shoulders so with all due respect, Sir...” he snarled. “I hope you know what you’re cruddy doing.” 

The door slammed. 

“Why can’t you just lighten up?” 

“I’m light! I’m light as a cruddy feather.” 

Abby couldn’t stop them now. They were far too into it. Nose-to-nose. It seemed like everyone was fighting these days. 

“You are not! You are being a meanie-mean-meanie-pants!” 

“Oh, am I? I didn’t lose the cruddy remote!” 

“Well, I didn’t lose it!” 

“You so lost it.” 

“I didn’t!” She turned to Abby. “Numbuh 5!!” 

“Nuh-uh. Not my business,” Abby said, ducking beneath her magazine. 

“I wanted to watch the Rainbow Monkey Care-Share-Lovey-Romance-Hour-Special and now I can’t because Numbuh 4 won’t change the channel!” 

“I’m not watching your cruddy tv show...” 

“You never wanna do what I wanna do!” 

“You never wanna do what I wanna do!” He griped back. “I always gotta sit through your stupid lovey-dovey stuff and you never sit through my actual cool stuff. That ain’t fair, Numbuh 3. You’re not being a very good girlfriend.” 

“Excuse me??!” Kuki gasped. “I am the best girlfriend! You didn’t even get me a Christmas present! I know you just gave me your leftovers! And french-fries? Not a good gift!” 

“Well a good girlfriend wouldn’t complain every time she doesn’t get whatever she wants,” he grumbled. “And not whine about it to Numbuh 5.” 

“Ugh!” She scoffed, turning her back. “Numbuh 1 would’ve watched it with me...” 

Wally got very still. “Oh,” his voice growled. “Would he?” 

“Yes, he would!” Kuki clearly didn’t realize what she was saying. 

“Then how about...you be his girlfriend.” 

“I can’t be his girlfriend, Stoopid!” She turned back to him. “He’s with Numbuh Vine!” 

“Oh, no.” Abby lowered her magazine. 

“Don’t use Numbuh 1 like that!” he was screaming. “That’s not fair! He doesn’t care about your cruddy rainbow monkeys!” 

“Yes he does. Numbuh 1 loves Rainbow Monkeys. And kindness. And sharing. And you are just a stinky butt-face who doesn’t know how to be happy!” 

“Yeah, Numbuh 1’s so kind. He’s simply the best!” he shouted sarcastically. 

“He’s way nicer than you and if he was here—” 

“He’s not here! So I don’t care!” 

“He’s here in our hearts!” 

“Not in mine!” 

“How could you say those things?!” 

“I don’t care about your stoopid, girly, tacky, friendship that doesn’t exist! You think it’s real, Kuki? You think that’s real? Love and friendship and kumbaya well it’s not! You are lying to yourself cause that ain’t how it works, girlie! You’re naive and gullible and you believe everything you see on that cruddy box!” 

“Well. At least I’m not mean! You are a cold, heartless person who can’t love anyone but yourself!” 

“Hey!!” A voice rang through the treehouse. It was so loud, it shook the branches. 

Wally and Kuki froze. 

“N-Numbuh 2...” Kuki tried. “Y-you’re back!”

“Shut it,” the goggled boy growled. “Both of you. Shut up. I have had it. With the screaming and the yelling and the complaining and the kvetching...” 

“Ka-vet-what?” 

“You two are a team!” He shouted. “You’re a couple. You’re friends. You are family. Act like it.” 

Abby stood. “Numbuh 2. Don’t...your head—” 

“I’m fine!!” He screamed. “Is it too much? Just too much to ask for you to get along? I am so sick of people being cruel to people over nothing!” 

Kuki scuffed the floor. “It’s not nothing.” 

“It’s nothing!!” his voice was hoarse. “It’s all nothing! It doesn’t matter! None of it matters! So just be nice! Act like you like each other! Or get out of Numbuh 1’s treehouse!” 

And with that, he stormed off. 

A door slammed. 

It was strange, looking back, at how many memories she had of small things. Not missions or grand adventures, the way she had anticipated. It was the personal moments that were brought to the front. She knew big things happened, Adults did their thing and the KND responded as they always did, but Abby's brain wanted to remember small things. Small things that she realized were the biggest things of all. 

She sprinted down the street, faster and faster. Crud! She was late. This wasn’t good. Abby turned the corner up the hill. Around through the grass. Where was it? They said it was around here. Finally, she stopped, a figure stood alone on a small hill. Abby stopped. Maybe she should just go back to the...she clenched her fists. Marching up the hill, she approached the figure, whose black suit stood out against the grass. It was the end of February and the sun had decided, just for today, to peak its head out of the clouds. 

She cleared her throat. “I am so sorry,” she said, brushing her hair back. She had fixed it up in a bun, which she never did, and was not used to it. Frizzy strands of hair were going everywhere. She looked like a mess. “I got caught up in a meeting and I told’m I had a thing...I didn’t say what thing, I just said it was a thing, cause I didn’t know if you’d want’m to know about...” She took a step back. Oh, god what was she saying? “Anyway I got here fast as I could. I am really, really, really sorry.” 

The figure looked at her through bright yellow goggles. She couldn’t see his expression. 

Finally, a tiny voice came out. “You came.” 

It was so surprised and frail, Abby had a hard time believing it came from Numbuh 2. She smiled. “Y-Yeah.” 

Course I came. 

Hoagie crossed his arms and smirked. “I knew you would,” he said cockily. “Numbuh 4 didn’t believe me. He was willing to bet me twenty bucks you wouldn’t come, but I said nope Numbuh 5 is definitely coming. So, now he owes me twenty bucks.” 

Abby looked around. “Where is everybody?” 

“Oh, they went to the reception. I was gonna head over there.” Hoagie brushed his bangs back and forth, clearly accustomed to wearing hats and not having one on at that moment. “I just...I dunno. I wanted to stay for a little bit.” He smiled at her. “But you should go, Numbuh 5. They’re gonna have cakes and cookies and there’s a slideshow which’ll be cool. My mom’s even gonna let us have soda but don’t tell anyone.” 

Abby rocked back on her heels. “I can stay till you’re done. Unless you wanna be alone.” 

Hoagie thought for a second. “Uh...no, I don’t mind. You can stay if you want.” 

“I’m really sorry, Numbuh 2.”

But he continued to smile. “That’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry.” 

Abby didn’t really know how to act in this situation. “How’d it all go, anyway?” 

“Oh, it was nuts. There was this trumpet guy who played and a big military procession, and they even shot off bottle rockets cause y’know he loved bottle rockets. Some guy recited a poem I think? Which was weird but kinda neat. I think he would’a liked it.” 

Abby stared at her feet. 

“Numbuh 5?” 

“Hm?” she looked up. 

His rosy grin brightened. “Since you’re here, you wanna meet my dad?” 

Abby was hesitant, but he held out his hand to her in reassurance. 

“C’mon.” 

She took his hand, which completely engulfed hers as he led her to the hole where his father lay, a casket draped in the American flag, piles of dirt splattered over it. He leaned over it. 

“Hey, Dad. This is Numbuh 5. She’s the Soopreme leader of the Kids Next Door. Pretty cool, huh? You’re real lucky to have her here but I know you know that. You left before you got to meet each other so I thought I’d introduce you now.” He put his hand on Abby’s shoulder, bringing his arm around her and pulling her in closer. “Numbuh 5, this is my dad.” He let go, leaning over the hole. “Be extra nice to her, okay? I’m probably gonna marry her sister, so she’s gonna be part of the family one day.” 

Abby rolled her eyes. “Oh please. You know that’s never gonna—” But as she looked, she noticed Hoagie’s smile vanish. She didn’t know if she should say something. 

“It’s weird seeing your name on a grave,” he finally spoke. “Even if it’s not really yours.” 

His words were so unexpected, Abby felt her jaw drop. 

“Mom’s gonna get a plot next to Dad’s. Grandma already has her gravestone made sitting next to Grandpa’s. I wonder...how that makes them feel?” Suddenly, he realized he was speaking out loud. “Not that it matters for us. By the time we get old, we’ll have already implanted our minds into robot bodies.” He smiled widely. “You n’ Me? We’re gonna live forever.” He folded his hands in front of him. “Dad’s gonna be so jealous.” 

They stood there, not saying anything for a while. He didn’t cry, which surprised Abby. He just stared into the hole. 

“You can throw some dirt over it if you want.” 

Abby didn’t say anything. She reached over to his hand, brushing her fingers against his before pushing in her palm. Her fingers locked gently in as she felt the clasp tighten. His hand twitched at first, then squeezed tightly as though he were holding on for dear life. Finally, it released, and they stood there holding hands, staring into the hole. 

“You never did that,” he said after a while. 

“I know,” Abby replied. “But I should’ve.” 

A chill came over them. Abby could feel a nip in her nose. The sky had clouded over, tiny white flakes descending as gentle as flower petals in spring. She gazed up, her lips folded. 

“That’s odd,” she said quietly. “I don’t remember it snowing that day.” She took a step to the side, moving to let go of Hoagie’s hand, but as soon as she was about to lose contact, it instinctively grabbed hers back, squeezing it. The palm was shaking. “What is it?” 

But as she looked at him the gust of wind from the snow eroded the scene from her memory. The sky darkened, afternoon. The snow had piled up to her ankles now. She shivered. 

Ohio weather was the worst. 

She searched the landscape, pushing through the blistering winds, her body wrapped in a thick winter coat and her head protected by a wool cap. She could see the outline of a building before her. She huffed, out of breath as though she had been running. In the snow, she could barely see where she was going. The outline soon became a shadow, a shadow with lights in the windows and a sign in the concrete parking lot. 

Oh, she thought. 

She took a step back. 

She was right. It didn’t snow that day...it snowed that day. 

Her feet continued to stumble backwards. 

“Oh no. I ain’t goin’ in there,” she whispered into the wind. She tried to turn and run. “Not again! You can’t make me—” 

But the building just got closer and she knew she couldn’t evade it. No, she was running towards it. Full-speed now. Running. The ice, the bluster, the chill in her tennis shoes she hadn’t bothered to change. Nothing was going to stop her. She ran through the glass doors, which opened as soon as they sensed her. Panting, she didn’t stop. The blurry outline of orange and green managed to seek into her vision. Everything else was brown and muddy. The sweat crystalized on her frozen face was tingling now in the warmth. 

“Ha!” she heard Wally. “Numbuh 5’s here! Now you’re in big trouble!” 

“Finally!” Kuki called. 

Abby didn’t stop to look at them but kept running toward the large thick tan doors with no windows. However, she was halted in her tracks by two arms scooping her up and holding her by the waist. 

“Oh, no you don’t.” 

Abby kicked. “Lemmie go!” 

“Get security...” 

“Hey!” Wally ran up, kicking the woman holding Abby in the shin. “Leggo’a her!” 

She kicked him off, shouting. “Will somebody get these children out of here!”

Abby squirmed trying to reach for her weapon, which had dropped to the floor. She kicked the woman in the face, but the adult managed to hold her arms back. Abby couldn’t even tell what she was screaming anymore, everything was a total blur. She just knew that Wally and Kuki had now joined in on the fight, as had some other adults trying to ‘keep the peace’. 

“Dr. Lincoln,” Abby remembered hearing someone say over the phone. “Yes. We need you to come to building C, please. You daughter and her friends are here...again.” 

The struggle continued until Dr. Lincoln made his way through to the building. Luckily, he was not in the middle of anything major at that moment. He gently took his daughter, who continued to squirm. Abby couldn’t remember much except her screaming and the image of his scrubs on her face. 

“Abigail...Baby girl! Shhh.” 

“Daddy! Daddy! They won’t let me get thorough! I gotta get through!” 

“Now, why do you need to—” 

“I gotta get through!! The bad guys are gonna get him!” 

The receptionist that had first grabbed Abby soured her voice. “Does your daughter think this is a game, Dr. Lincoln? This is a professional institut—” 

“You’re one of them, aren’t you! You’re gonna scramblify his brain! You evil witch! Give him back!” She tried to kick the woman but was pulled back from her by her Father. “Give him back!!” 

“Abigail! We do not talk to people like that! With the screaming and the name calling...” 

“But Dr. Lincoln! Numbuh 5 is right! This is super mega serious!” Kuki said, rushing to Abby’s aid. 

“Last time you said that, there was a car that hit a skunk, Darlin’.” 

Kuki gasped in horror. “Bradly is my baby!” 

Mr. Lincoln laughed. “Is that what this is about, Baby? Did you find another skunk?” 

But Abby couldn’ t breathe enough to speak anymore. She heaved and huffed as the tears wouldn’t stop running down her face. 

“Babycakes...” he held her head. 

“We went to the front place and they said to come here, but now they won’t let us through!” Wally shouted. “And they got fancy locked doors now, so we can’ t bust in.” 

“And then they said peeyeww. It was very rude!” Kuki said. “And then they said: I see you pee. They’re watching us pee!!” 

“It was a threat!” Wally shouted. “They got cameras in the toilet!” 

“They told you to come here? Why would they...” He stopped. “I see you pee-PU. PICU.” Then, he stood. “Excuse me. Do you have the patient registry? Thank you.” 

Dr. Lincoln did not speak for a while as he looked it over. 

“Oh, no.” 

Wally and Kuki fell asleep in the waiting room, still not allowed into the main area. After dark, Abby was finally able to sneak in, nestling herself in the long hallway. She had managed to sneak a peek at what room he would be in and had plopped herself right in front of it, weapon in hand. Earlier, she had placed a detector on the window, though the curtains were drawn, and she could not see much of anything. Now, she could examine ever “nurse” that came in and out of the room, ready to attack at a moment’s notice. She couldn’t remember what the weapon was, only that it was long and big and if anyone opened that door, they would be actual dust. 

Then, like ghosts, she heard echoing voices down the other end of the hall. 

“You can’t be serious!” 

“Accidents like this happen. They’re not uncommon. Tragic, yes. But very typical.” 

Abby felt her nose wrinkle as rage built up inside of her. One voice belonged to her father, the other to her sister. Cree. What did she want? If she was here to...Oh. Abby knew if Cree even tried to open that door she would blast the hair right off her head. 

“You can’t call this an accident. There’s no way.” 

“Baby, this is really none’a our business.” 

“You don’t know that kid like I do. He’s got...jet packs and heel rockets and like a million little gadgets on him like all the time!” 

“Cree. He’s a child.” 

“He didn’t fall. You know he didn’t fall! You said so yourself, the impact pattern doesn’t match it at all! Or whatever I don’t know your medical words.” 

“He must have hit a tree.” 

“Hit a tree.” 

“Or the gutter.” 

“You’re seriously this ignorant? You think a kid who builds airplanes fell off a roof. Today of all days.” 

“Snow. Ice.” Dr. Lincoln spoke calmly and more seriously than Abby had ever heard him speak before. “You have been on about that boy for weeks now and it don’t do you any good.” 

“He didn’t fall.”

“Are you suggesting he jumped? A twelve-year-old boy?” 

Cree huffed. “You know what I think.” 

“Cree.” 

“That family is hiding something.” 

“Betty is a wonderful person. She has always treated you with respect and welcomed you into her house, gave you her hospitality and work, and you just sit there and accuse her of terrible things. I raised you better than that.” 

Abby listened, stunned. Had she...forgotten this conversation? She didn’t remember it. Had she repressed it? Did decommissioning delete repressed memories? She didn’t know. 

“I’m not saying she did anything. I’m just saying that someone in that house is lying. It smells rotten. And you want to tell Abby there’s nothing wrong. You wanna lie to her like you adults lie to everyone else?!” 

“Your sister is still a kid. Don’t tell her things she can’t understand that you, Darlin’, have no proof of. You’re not a detective. And it ain’t your business gettin’ involved with other family’s stuff.” 

“You know, what? Fuck you, Daddy.” 

Footsteps. 

“Cree! Don’t you go spreadin’ rumors!” 

“Relax!” she shouted back. 

She had made it to the door, hesitating slightly before trying to turn the handle. Her hair was tied up with a scrunchy. In her arms were white flowers. Carnations, Abby remembered, though she didn’t remember what they meant. And as Cree went to open the door, Abby’s gun pointed at her head. Cree knew she was there, she had walked in front of her on purpose. Just to make her angry. Well, today was not a good day to make Numbuh 5 angry. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Abby growled. 

Cree stopped, not raising her hands, but just looking at her. “Parley,” she said. 

“Huh?” Abby straightened her shot. 

Cree walked across the hall. “It means truce.”

She walked straight to her sister, not hesitating, not worried about being shot. Kneeling in front of the little girl, she set the flowers by her side. 

“Just until this part is over,” she whispered. 

Without any more words, she wrapped her arms around her sister and held her. Not tightly, but firm enough to where Abby knew it was genuine. The weapon fell into her lap. 

“In the real world,” she whispered. “There’s no justice, is there?” 

Abby’s voice raised pitch, as though she de-aged four full years. “C-Cree?” she trembled, unable to stop her voice from shaking. “What’s goin’ on?” 

Her sister pulled away, dropping the flowers on her lap and taking the weapon away, setting it where the flowers once were. 

“Make sure he gets them, okay?” she said, pinching her sister’s nose. “And don’t think I won’t come kick your butt if you don’t.” Cree smiled. “They’re safe, don’t worry. We’re on a parley. You can’t attack each other on a parley. That’s what it means. Get some sleep, Baby Sister. He’ll be here in the morning. I promise.” 

And with that, she left. And not long after she left, Dr. Lincoln found his youngest daughter sitting on the ground, unsure of what all of this was supposed to mean. 

“Well, well,” he grinned. “Nobody listens to the old man, do they?” 

“Daddy...” Abby still couldn’t lower her voice. “How come everybody’s actin’ so weird?” She dropped the flowers and hugged her legs. “I don’t like it. I don’t want Numbuh 2 to be in this place. It ain’t like where you work at all. It’s cold and dark and he ain’t gonna like it at all when he wakes up.” 

Her father sat beside her in the available space. “Well, baby girl. This is where people go when serious things happen to them. So they can get better.” 

She hugged herself. “It’s scary.” 

“Abigail.” His tone darkened. “I talked with Mrs. Gilligan today and there’s somethin’ important we need to discuss, okay? Are you okay to talk right now?” 

Abby nodded. 

“Baby...you know how your friend’s daddy is in the military? He fights really important battles, so we don’t have to? To keep us safe. Well, sometimes, people give their lives for what they think is important. And Hoagie’s daddy...he gave his life to protect us.” 

“So...Numbuh 2’s daddy ain’t alive no more?” 

Dr. Lincoln sighed. “That’s right, Baby.” 

“Did somebody kill him?” 

“He was flying a plane and the plane went down. But probably some enemies shot at it and made it go down.” He stroked Abby’s head, removing her hat so he could provide closer comfort. “So that means Hoagie is going to be very sad for a long time. And you are his friend, so you need to be nice to him. You need to be patient and kind and all the things your daddy taught you, alright?” 

“So Numbuh 2 is awake now?” She sat up. “Can I see him?!” 

“No, Baby. He’s not awake right now,” Dr. Lincoln said. “He might not be awake for...a long time. He hit his head pretty hard.” 

“Daddy.” 

“Yes, Baby?”

“Are you gonna die?” 

He laughed. “Not right this minute.” 

“I don’t want you to die. I want you to be my daddy forever.” 

He rubbed her head. “I would like that very much. But that’s not what life is. The greatest of our adventures happen beyond life. The great unknown. With the space, and the stars, and angels and Jesus and all those things.” 

Abby looked over at the flowers. “Will Numbuh 2 be okay?” 

His voice grew tense. “We don’t know, Baby. We just don’t know.” 

“But you can make him better.” 

“Right now, all we can do is leave it up to God.” 

She slumped over. “Well, God better hurry up.” 

“You can’t choose everything, Abigail,” he said. “But you can choose what you do. And you can choose how you live and how you see things. And you can spread love wherever you can.” He stood, picking up the flowers. “Come on. Let’s go spread some love to your little friend.” 

“I don’t wanna.” She said. “I don’t wanna go in this time, Daddy. I don’t think I can take it.” 

But he held his hand out to her gently, his eyes warm with fatherly affection. “Memories means all the memories, Baby Girl,” he said. “Even the ones we don’t wanna remember. Especially ones like these, too important to forget.” 

This scene was vivid in her mind, pristine like the day it happened. There were very few memories Abby re-lived during her decommissioning where she remembered every detail. However, she remembered that room. The beeping sounds of the heart monitor. The sterile floors and close curtains, which Abby opened wanting the patient to have light in the room all the time, so he wouldn’t be scared. Not that Hoagie himself was ever afraid of the dark, but she just had a strange feeling it would be better they be opened. Her father put the flowers on a bedside table, a chair in the corner had a blanket, where Mrs. Gilligan had been sleeping but had returned home for her other son. She would be back in an hour’s time, but what happened after this was a mist in Abby’s mind. As the moon peaked through the window, she had no knowledge of how this scenario was going to play out, and it frightened her. She only knew that she had been here before and being here gave her a very uncomfortable feeling. 

It was rare that Abby ever saw Hoagie Gilligan without his goggles on. She hardly recognized him, tangled up with wires and tubes, with a different kind of mask over his face than usual. It was a discomfort that seeped into the pit of her soul. And if she still had her memories of the future, it would have never truly left. She had accepted it now, this whole decommissioning thing. She was aware that it was happening and was not able to stop it. In actuality, all of this was just an instant that came and went. But because she did not know how this story ended, and perhaps never would know again, the feelings of the moment were just as real as they were when they first crossed her experience. 

Abby leaned over the side of the bed. She thought about taking his hand or kissing his forehead, but she was too scared to do it. Instead, she stared at him. 

“You don’t get to die,” Abby whispered at him. “Not ever.” 

Just then, the boy twitched. 

“N-Numbuh 2?!” Abby almost fell over the bedside. 

His mouth elongated, his tongue sticking out. Slowly, both his arms lifted straight up as he lifted himself up to a seated position.

“I live!!” he moaned. The wires and tubes popped off of him. 

Abby frowned. “Knock it off.” 

“Did I scare you?!” He laughed. “I’m the undead uuhhhhhnnnn...” He drooled and made zombie noises. “Get it?” 

“Every time Numbuh 5 has a moment, you gotta come in and ruin it.” 

“Come on. It was funny.” Hoagie flashed her a toothy smile. “Lighten up a little!” He noticed the carnations. “Did you get me flowers? That’s so corny, Numbuh 5! I thought you were the cool one.” 

She pinched her nose. “What I’d give for one day where you didn’t make my life a bumillion times harder.” 

“Don’t worry. After this, you won’t think about me as much,” he said. He wasn’t upset about this, but actually sort of relieved. 

The door to the room opened. It was just the two of them now. A white glow came from the doorway. 

“That must be for you.” 

But Abby stayed planted. “I don’t wanna leave.” 

Hoagie was confused. “But you hate this memory.” 

“Doesn’t mean I wanna lose it,” she said. 

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“Uh...so....” Hoagie scratched his hat. “That’s...that’s it.” 

The four others gaped, their necks cranked up high into the sky as they gazed upward. 

“You...you built it...” Abby couldn’t even speak. “You built it...right there.” 

“Y-Yep.” He flushed. “I-If you don’t like it I can change it!” 

“Holy Holiday, Batman. How did you build it so fast?!” Wally asked. 

Hoagie shrugged. “I mean...it wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t like it had to fly or anything. I tried to give everyone their own room that you can decorate yourself.” 

Nigel was in tears. “It’s perfect. It’s beautiful.” And then, he screamed like a girl. “Oh, look at it, Numbuh 5! My very own treehouse!” 

“Our!” She corrected him. She looked back at the others, sincerely. And for the first time in a long time, there was levity in her heart. “Our...very own tree house.” 

“I’m gonna pick out my room!” Kuki shouted as she ran up to the house. 

“Wait! Me too!” Wally chased after her. “Numbuh 3! Wait up!” 

Hoagie crossed his arms. “So, um, does this count?” 

“Of course it counts!” Nigel said. “It sooper counts!” 

“Numbuh 5’s never seen anything like it,” Abby admitted. 

“Well,” Hoagie grinned. “There’s never really been a team like this before,” he said. Which almost made her blush. “We all kind of just...crashed into each other’s lives. All sorta with the same reason, just different ways of showing it.” 

“So, you do have emotions.” 

“I told you!” Nigel got excited again. “Didn’t I tell you? It’s brilliant! It’s perfect! It’s exactly what we needed!” 

“So you’re gonna stay then, huh?” She nudged Hoagie. “Hall monitor.” 

“Maybe,” he said. “We’ll see if something better comes along.” He looked up. “I better make sure those two don’t get lost...” he said and left Abby and Nigel alone. 

“You, okay?” Nigel asked as he saw Abby gazing at the treehouse. 

“Yeah.” 

“I know this wasn’t how you thought it would be,” he said. “But...maybe this will be better.” 

“Team’a misfits?” 

“You can’t have a team of misfits without being one yourself,” Nigel said. “That’s what my Nan always said.” 

“It won’t be Sector V,” she said. 

“No,” he agreed. “But it will be ours.” 

Sector V collapsed behind the door to their treehouse, all falling on top of each other, panting and out of breath. Abby was snug next to Nigel, Wally and Kuki and fallen over each other, and Hoagie somehow had ended up upside down. Their leader pushed his way out from underneath, causing the precarious tower to collapse. 

“Hahaha!” He brushed himself off. “Nice work, team!” 

“Nice work?” Abby was dumbfounded. “It was a total disaster!” 

“My butt is a pancake...” Kuki whined. 

“Then flip it over,” Hoagie sneered at her, his face still slammed into the wooden floorboards. 

“Ugh! This is so stoopid!” Wally complained, standing up. “How come these delightful snobs won’t just share their cruddy cake!” 

“I gotta admit, Numbuh 1, that was pretty rough,” Abby said. 

“Nonsense!” Nigel adjusted his sunglasses. “We made it out, didn’t we? And I even captured a prize!” 

The kids scrambled over each other. “Lemmie see!” 

“You got some of the cake?” 

“Where is it?” 

Nigel grinned. “Right here!” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small plastic bag with a red cherry inside. Around the cherry were drippings of blue icing. “See? That’s way better than that Sector L, don’t you think?” 

"Yeah!" Kuki said. "L for LOSERS" 

“The mission was to get the kids to share their cake, not lick the frosting off of it,” Abby reminded him. 

“Pfft. Those kids ain’t sharin’ nothin’! They’re rich. Rich kids never share, they’re always competin’ with other rich kids as to how much they don’t gotta share stuff,” Wally explained. 

“Maybe if I showed them the Rainbow Monkey Care and Share special edition VHS they’ll learn to share more!” Kuki said. 

“Or become even more evil...” Wally groaned. 

“If they aren’t going to share the cake then maybe...” Nigel thought. “We’ll just have to steal it and share it ourselves. With all the kids in the neighborhood!” 

Hoagie found his feet, flopping over with his legs out. “Isn’t that kind of rude?” 

“Rude? Rude?!” Nigel gasped. “They’re the ones who are rude! Having a birthday party and not sharing their cake! It’s downright meanie behavior!” 

“Yeah, so is stealing a cake that isn’t yours, Nigel,” Hoagie said. 

“Numbuh 1...I’m Numbuh 1!” he exclaimed. “We’re on a mission so we have to use our code names, right Numbuh 5? Those are the rules!” 

“Numbuh 5 don’t think it matters...” Abby replied calmly. Her mind was already on other things. 

“You guys!!” he groaned. “You’re not taking this seriously! We’re not playing a game, we’re in the Kids Next Door! It’s a sooper important job! That’s what we’ve been training for! To teach Adults a lesson! And those kids are evil! They’re the evilest evil that ever eviled ever!”

“Is this cause of the hair thing—” Kuki suggested.

Nigel snarled and she backed away. 

“I’m tired. And I have homework. Can we do it tomorrow?” Hoagie whined.

“No we cannot do it tomorrow the Delightful Children only have five birthdays a year!” Nigel snapped. “Come on, guys. We’re a team. We can do this! Don’t we have a responsibility to the kids of the world to make sure they get their—” 

“Just desserts?” Hoagie laughed. 

“The Moon Base gave us this very important mission, and though we did not come out victorious today, our bond is an unshakable force that will turn the tide to victory! I make a solemn vow that I will get that cake! No matter how many years may pass, or how many failures we encounter, I promise you this moment that wherever there is cake at a birthday party, there will be children invited to that birthday party eating that cake! Now, who’s with me?” 

Wally leaned over to Kuki. “Who made this guy leader again?” 

“I am!!” Kuki waved her hand. “I wanna eat cake!” 

“O-Oh...good...” Nigel’s face was red. “Right. Of course! Who else! We can go back out there right now!” 

“Nig—Numbuh 1,” Abby approached him. “This was their first mission. So maybe we should take a break?” She turned to her team. “How bout we go to the beach?” 

Nigel’s jaw dropped. “The beach?!” 

“I’ve never been to the beach,” Hoagie said. 

“Never ever?!” Kuki gasped. “Numbuh 1. Change of plans. We gotta go to the beach right now!” 

“But...we were...” 

“Team-buildin’ exercise,” Abby explained. “It’ll make us stronger.” 

“W-W-What better team building exercise could there be than going on an actual mission?!” Nigel complained. 

“It’s called fun,” she grabbed him by the arm. “And you could use some of it. Come on! We’ll get the cake next time.” 

“N-no! Abbyyyy,” He tried to sink himself into the ground she couldn’t pull him, but she was too strong. “I don’t wanna go to the beeeach!” 

Abby stared at the boy and girl in front of her. The one blonde boy was exceedingly short and appeared to have quite the temper. The girl next to him was tall for her age, black hair, and never stopped smiling. Abby believed in diversity, but she wondered if these two kids even got along. After all, there was a reason they agreed to join Sector V of all Sectors. No one wanted to join after Cree left and Abby was worried that giving this Nigel Uno kid the title of leader simply because he really wanted it was a bad idea. Still, it was far better than being in charge herself. 

The two came together, like a package deal. What she was most worried about, however, was how these two professionally trained operatives were going to say about Nigel’s little...experiment. 

“What do you think?” Nigel asked. 

“What can they do?” 

“Anything you train them to do, obviously.” 

Abby walked up to the boy, who was glaring at her. “I got skills now, girlie, I can fight you if you get too close!” he shouted. 

“Numbuh 5 won’t kick yo’ butt if you never call her ‘girlie’ again.” 

The boy grumbled. “I didn’t know there’d be girls on the team.” 

“Of course there are girls!” the other new recruit gasped. “Girls are the best! They’re almost as great as...” 

“If you say Rainbow Monkeys...”

“Rainbow Monkeys!!” 

He groaned. “I can’t be in the Kids Next Door if there are girls here! They’ll make everything lame!” He looked at Nigel. “Numbuh 1, can’t you lead an all-boys team?” 

“Numbuh 5’s really tryin’ hard not to take offense by that, Kid,” Abby stared him down. “Numbuh 5 may be a girl, but she’ll rough you up.” 

“Oooh!” The black-haired girl waved her hand. “I’m Kuki! You must be Abby!” She ran up and hugged Abby, which Abby did not enjoy much at all. “We’re gonna be bestest best friends I know it! We can play rainbow monkeys!” 

“Pass.” 

“And do each other’s hair...” 

“Do not touch my hair!” Abby snapped. 

“S-Sorry,” she backed off. “Jeez.” 

Nigel jumped up and down. “Isn’t it great? Now we have a full team! One, two, three, four, five!” 

Abby looked around. “Where is your hall monitor?” 

Nigel frowned. “Quit calling him that.” 

“Why? He’s a hall monitor. And he ain’t even officially joined so I don’t know why you think he’s gonna stick around.” 

“I hate cruddy hall monitors,” the blonde boy said. 

“So,” Abby went back to the two in front of her, wanting very much to forget about Nigel’s previous...choices. “What makes you feel like you wanna be in sector V?” 

“Numbuh 1 kinda...” The boy was blushing. “Saved my butt. So I owe him.” 

“And what about...” 

“Oh my gosh!” Kuki said. “You won’t even believe it! There were these girls and they were saying so many mean things about this Sector like...” she put on a deep-manly voice, which had nothing to do with mean girls at all. “No one would ever wanna be in that sector after what happened with Numbuh 11. And that’s just mean. So I decided to join! Cause I don’t like meanies. I mean who even cares about Numbuh 11 anyway?” 

Abby’s face twisted. “She’s my sister.” 

Kuki gasped. “Ohhh. That’s why no one wants to be here.” 

Abby stared. “Pity. Great.” She turned around and grumbled. “A-Class team, Numbuh 1. Pity, guilt, and a pretty please.” 

“Abby! Wait!” Nigel chased after her. “What do I do?” 

“Just train them or something!” Abby snapped. 

“Abby! I know you don’t see it yet, but I promise! It will be great!” 

“Uh-huh. Sure.” 

“Numbuh 3 is great at diversions!” 

“Mmm.” 

“Numbuh 4 can shoot really good!” 

“That’s great, Nigel.” 

“Abby!!” Eventually, he gave up. 

And then, she stopped. Like something was holding onto her feet. She turned back to look at the three of them. And soon, the fourth came stumbling out of a room covered in soot. They didn’t like each other, in fact they were all so drastically different that none of them connected. And yet, as the memory faded, Abby couldn’t help but feel that this was important. It was the beginning of something. And she had the strongest urge to return to that place and figure out what it was.

“Wait.” She tried to pause the memory. “Go back.” 

Just as the urge got strong enough, the memory dissipated. 

“Go back!” 

Abby did not want to be there. She rearranged the contents of her desk multiple times before finally burring herself into pages of paperwork. There were still five minutes to go. She wasn’t nervous. Why would she be nervous? She’d shot down candidates before. And that’s what had to be done. Obviously. There was no way she could recruit a...

“A hall monitor?!”  
`  
She reminisced about her conversation with Nigel that morning. 

“Just listen! You said you needed team members! And everyone who has been selected for Sector V has transferred out because of Cree...and....you know...” 

“So I’m desperate. That’s what you mean?” 

“No! I’m saying let’s get some recruits that don’t know about the Kids Next Door yet! And Hoagie...” 

“Don’t...say his name like he’s a kid. He ain’t no kid! He’s a hall monitor! They work for the Adults, Nigel!” 

“Oh, but he’s brilliant, Abby. You need a 2x4 technology officer. You’ve hated all the ones who have agreed to work with you, so why not let me try? I’m the leader and stuff! Hoagie can do all that stuff they can do and more!” 

“I am not. Not ever. Not in a million jillion years EVER gonna let a hall monitor join the Kids Next Door.” 

“You’ve gotta at least give him an interview or somethin’!” 

“No. Way.” 

“I’m the leader and I’m ordering you to do it.” 

“I should have never...”

“Abby I won’t ever ever talk to you again and I’ll quit forever if you don’t do this.” 

And thus, Abby had to give an interview to a child she had no interest in, just to stop Nigel from bugging her about it. And oh, he had been. For weeks he had been plugging this character and for weeks Abby had turned him down. Her sanity couldn’t take much more of it. Just as the feelings of the past were tying her up in knots again, there was a faint knock at the door. 

Here we go, she thought with negative anticipation. 

“Come in,” she called. 

The door only cracked. “Um...” the voice was like a mouse. “I uh...” 

“Come in,” she repeated. 

Now, Abby had seen this kid before. She knew of all the Hall Monitors of Gallagher Elementary. And she knew they all answered to this kid and to his partner, who walked around acting like they were detectives in a crime novel instead of cops. And Abby was trained to never, ever trust a cop. It wasn’t that she thought cops couldn’t make the transition into the KND, but with her reputation on the line there was no way she could recover if she hired him and something went wrong. That was just common sense. 

But the kid didn’t wear his hall monitor outfit. Probably a safe bet. He instead wore mostly normal clothes. Mostly. Over his head and face, he looked as though he were preparing to join the air-force, not the KND. 

“You’re Number Five?” He asked. 

Abby raised her eyebrow intentionally. So he could see it. “Yeah. You expectin’ different?” 

But the kid backed away, shaking his hands. “N-no I didn’t mean anything like that I just...everyone talks about you like you’re so scary but you’re not scary at all...not that you couldn’t be scary it’s just when they said that I pictured someone really scary, you know? N-Not that you’re not really scary...that came out wrong.” 

Oh great, Abby thought. A blabbermouth. This just kept getting better. 

“Um....can I sit down? Or should I just...” 

Abby stared at him until he finally took initiative and found his own seat, screeching it across the floor toward the desk, and apologizing all the way. She, meanwhile, could not stop staring at the giant yellow orbs over his eyes. 

“What’s with the uh...” 

“Oh!” He smiled. “It’s to protect my secret identity.” 

“Secret Identity.” Jesus. Who was this kid? 

“Yeah, you know.” He made a showy gesture. “Spies. Undercover.” 

“We ain’t those kinda spies,” she said bluntly. “And anyway, you go to my school. I know who you are.” 

“O-Oh. Really?” He fumbled his fingers. “Uh...that’s cool.” 

“You can take it off.”

His body looked uncomfortable. “I’m good.” 

“I want you to take it off. Can’t trust you if I can’t see yo’ face.” 

He cleared his throat. “I kinda...need them to see.” 

Abby didn’t understand that at all. But she wasn’t one to push. 

“Well. Thank you for your interest—” Abby tried. She had to break it to him early. Just snap the lid on it. She wasn’t sure what he’d do. The last thing she wanted was for him to cry. Making kids cry was the worst, even if they were working for the enemy. 

“Number five,” he interrupted her, holding his hand out as to do it politely. He was actually overly polite, which Abby was not expecting. Nothing about this kid was what she expected. “Sorry. I...gotta be honest,” he said. “I have no interest in joining your club.” 

Abby stared at him as though a bird fell out of his mouth. The only thing she could think to say was “It ain’t a club.” 

“I appreciate you making the time to see me, but let’s be real, okay? You don’t want me here, I don’t want to be here. So let’s just do this so Nigel will be happy and he’ll leave us alone about it, okay?” 

Abby blinked. “You don’t think I want you here?” 

“Duh.” 

“We accept all kinds of kids into the Kids Next Door. I give everyone the benefit’a the doubt.” 

That was a lie. 

“You’d let a hall monitor join the Kids Next Door?” 

“Of course.” 

Absolutely not. 

“Look, I just want Nigel to leave me alone. So just...tell him I didn’t make the cut or something. Cause I keep telling him I don’t wanna join but he won’t take no for an answer!” 

It was then that Abby realized she was so focused on the kid’s unique taste in headwear that she missed the tiny little machine that he dragged with him. It was a round thing, about the size of his head. He noticed her looking at it and pulled it up. 

“Nigel said I needed to bring something to show off my skills,” he said, setting the machine on her desk. “I got one at home, so you can keep that.” 

“What kinda weapon is that?” she asked. 

“It’s not a weapon,” he said. He turned it on and the compartments opened, hissing and grinding until eventually out popped a tiny bowl filled with a single scoop of chocolate ice cream. “He said to make something kids would like.” 

“So you made an ice cream machine?” Abby looked at it skeptically. “You know you can just buy those at the store.” 

But the boy just smirked at her. She went to take a bite with the spoon that was also provided, but he stopped her. “Just wait.” 

Abby waited. And waited. And waited. And nothing happened. “What?” 

“Notice anything?” 

“Nope.”

“Exactly.” 

“...huh?” 

He went to the desk. “This ice cream doesn’t melt,” he announced. “You can leave it out for days, weeks, and even years. It never goes bad. And unlike those dot things that taste like freezer burn, this actually tastes fresh one hundred percent of the time!” 

What was he, an infomercial? 

“Just try it,” he could tell she wasn’t enthused. 

Abby did. And it took her every ounce of her being to remain cool. The chocolate was creamy, the cream was smooth, it was everything you wanted in an ice cream that never lost its consistency. No soup at the bottom, no crystals of ice or chunky bits. She swallowed. 

“Numbuh 5’s gonna keep this...” she cleared her throat. “For inspection purposes.” 

The hall monitor went back to his seat. “Sure. Okay,” he said knowingly. “Seems kind of basic for a test if you ask me.” 

“It’s just the test for consideration,” Abby explained. “To be a 2x4 tech officer you gotta be able to go through the whole thing.” 

He thought about this. “Alright. Give it to me.” 

“What?” 

“The exam.” 

“Why?” 

He grinned. “Cause it’ll be fun.” She was hesitant. “Come on, that way you can tell Nigel you did it and you didn’t cut any corners, right?” His grin widened. “And when I pass, you can just lie so it doesn’t look like you missed an opportunity.” 

Abby laughed. “Oh, you think you gonna pass? You ain’t even been trained, smart boy.” 

“What do I need to do?” 

Abby opened the drawer of her desk, throwing him one of the weapons. Then, she laid a tool box in front of him. “Take it apart, reassemble it, but change what it does.” 

“Easy.” 

It was a long, narrow gun. Abby of course knew what it was, but that was irrelevant. Without speaking, the boy grabbed the tool box and began disassembling the weapon. He worked with a level of efficiency that was almost impressive. Abby had to stop herself, reminding herself who he actually was. 

“You know it’s pointless, right?” he said as he worked. 

“Shut up and do it,” she said.

“I meant the Kids Next Door,” he said. 

Abby was too used to the doubt to be angry. She hadn’t expected a lecture, but she was always ready for one. “Numbuh 5 don’t listen to kids who sold their soul to the Adults.” 

He didn’t stop working. He didn’t even look up once. “See? That’s your problem. You only think you can help kids in one way. That you guys hold some kind of trophy or something and honestly, it’s really annoying.” 

Abby wasn’t going to get angry. But...something inside her twitched. 

The more he spoke, the faster his movements became. He was moving at a rate Abby had never seen. “Like you think you’re so much better than everyone else, while the rest of us are just out here trying to survive. And I help kids do that, you know. Joe might be a wimp, sure, he falls for every bribe in the book, Adults and Kids. Not that I’ve never taken a bribe myself, only from kids who are facing something totally unreasonable. Which I don’t have to tell you, is a real problem in this line of work.” 

Abby switched her focus from his words to his actions. What happened to the shy kid who stumbled in five minutes earlier? This kid was someone completely different than that. Quick, assured, articulate. 

“But kids need to learn to follow the rules. We don’t have any power and starting pointless fights over lunch hours and homework assignments doesn’t help things. Because soon kids get the idea that the world is something that it isn’t. Like they have a say in things. And that’s a nice pipe-dream, but it’s not real. It’s thankless, but someone’s gotta do it. Cause if they don’t...there’s always something worse let’s just put it that way.” 

He cocked the gun. 

“Done.” 

“Prove it,” Abby said. 

He shrugged and went to the window. 

“And you’re wrong, you know,” she said. “You hurt kids, just so they don’t get hurt, but then they end up hurt anyway, just less? That makes zero sense. You’re still a bully.” 

He held his weapon out toward the window, shooting it out into the air. The tiny dot sparkled out before exploding into a firework, shimmering in the sunlight. “It was a lazar before, right? My aim sucks, but you get the idea.” 

He shot again. 

“You know I might like you if you was kind as you was smart,” she said. 

“Have you ever been spanked, Number Five?” He asked, retracting the gun. 

“N-no,” she admitted. 

“It stays with you,” he said. “I’ve never met a kid that’s been spanked that didn’t remember it. Only you don’t always remember it in the usual way, you know. It’s like that fear becomes a part of your DNA. Adults do it to punish, or at least that’s what they say. Really, they get scared of losing control. And spanking, that’s the easiest way to get it back. Soon Adults realize they can use it to get what they want, only this time they get more scared. They reach for their belts...rulers...books...” He paused. “Walking sticks.” 

He tossed the gun to Abby. 

“And when your people act out, it’s the average kids who are punished for it. And Adults are watching everywhere. They don’t need to say anything anymore. Kids do as they’re told not because they’re obedient but because they’re always being monitored. They’re scared. I’d just rather them be scared of having their Saturday taken away and not a belt.” 

We walked back around to the desk but didn’t sit. 

“So, what’s next?” 

“You design a project. It can be whatever you want, but it’s gotta be a show of your best work,” Abby said. “Usually kids build weapons...” 

“Basic.” 

“Or airplanes,” she said, looking at his hat. 

“Too easy,” he chuckled. “I thought you said it was hard?” 

“Alright, then, what would you build?”

“I have no idea,” he said. 

“It can be anything.” 

“How about this,” he said, leaning on the desk. “You tell me what to build, and I’ll build it.” He grinned. “Anything you want.” 

Abby smirked. “How about a sense of morality?” 

The boy laughed. “Oh-ho, that’s cold.” 

“If bein’ safe means not bein’ free, then I don’t wanna be safe,” she said. “I’d rather fight for a world not controlled by fear than stick my head down and wait for it to subside.” 

He smirked. “Did you really say that?” 

“I don’t think any of us actually said any’a this,” she admitted. “It’s just how Abby remembers it.” 

“The brain is fascinating, isn’t it?” He leaned on his cheek over the desk. “A complex working of tissues creating ideas and identities, where there’s really no time, no beginning, no ending...just feelings.” 

“What makes you think I have any feelings about you?” 

He shrugged. “We’re here, aren’t we? Which means you remember me. Which means somehow...I made an impression.”

“Don’t flatter yo’self,” Abby said. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He left the desk, moving toward the door. “If that’s all...” 

“He doesn’t care about you,” she called after him. “Balooka. He’s selfish and mean and don’t care about no one but himself.” That stopped him. “See, you say you don’t wanna join the KND, but I don’t think that’s true. I think you don’t like what you’ve become. I think Joe treats you like doo-doo and the one person in school who actually cares about you...is here. So you’re here. Cause deep down you don’t believe the lies you keep tellin’ yo’self. You wanna believe there’s hope.” 

He sighed, his face was a foot from the wooden door. “I can’t join the Kids Next Door.” 

“You can.” 

That startled him. 

“Numbuh 1 is the leader. He wants you. So if you want this, I can’t stop you. And I guess I am a little...um...desperate for recruits so-” 

“Number Five.” His voice was stern. “I can’t.” 

“Cause’a your oh-so important job.” 

He exhaled. “I’m not a good person,” he said. “I have one friend. One. And if I quit...It’s just better you stay in your lane and I stay in mine.” He opened the door. “I gotta go.” 

The air turned cold, as a strange feeling overwhelmed her. Abby stood. “Stay.” 

Hoagie stopped. “But...this is...the part where I go.” 

“I know but...” She moved around the desk. “But maybe...” This was ridiculous. “Don’t?” 

“But I’m gonna be late for dinner.” 

“Join the Kids Next Door. Nigel wants you. I....want you.”

“Abby, you’re making up stuff that didn’t happen again.” 

“Stay.” She felt her throat tighten. “Stay and I’ll be your friend. And you don’t gotta go back to Joe, you can stay here. I want you to stay here.” 

“Oh, I get it,” he smirked, swinging the door open seductively. “You hate to see me go, but you love to watch me leave...” 

“Hey, wait!” 

The door shut, as though no one had been in there at all. And in fact, there wasn’t anyone. Just Abby alone staring at a door. Was someone going to come through? She didn’t know. 

She really hoped it wasn’t that Hall Monitor Nigel kept talking about. 

TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED...

BY ORDER OF THE GALACTIC KIDS NEXT DOOR

YOU ARE HEREBY UNDER ARRE—

Now Loading... 

RESUMING TRANSMISSION... 

The pavement was hot, it burned through Abby’s shoes. As she hiked up the hill toward school, the sweat sizzled as it hit the concrete. Her mind was empty. There was no point in thinking about things. All thoughts just fell onto the pavement. There was a scream, followed by a crowd of kids pushing past her. The hot sun was blocked by a dark shadow. Then...

“Help! Someone!” A boy sprinted in the middle of the street. “Someone help me! Please!” 

“Nigel...” 

What had he gotten himself into now? 

Abby’s feet started to move, as was her instinct. But they slowed to a halt. The boy’s screams quieted as the monster machine picked him up and dragged him off. The laughter of those crazy obnoxious rich kids from down the street was bounding down the road. And Abby, usually the first to respond to these things, was now halted. Why? Why should she even try to save him? Kids grew up into adults, the cycle repeated and repeated. She was a terrible leader. She was a terrible KND agent. She’d demanded he be on her team and now she had half a mind to quit. 

They were cycling through teammates faster than there were weeks to train new ones. 

He’d find out sooner or later. He’d give up like the rest of them.

They always did. 

Then, something strange happened. As the machine walked off, part of the girl split off, trying to run after it. The shadow turned, or perhaps the girl herself was the shadow. Separate, one girl said to the other. 

“Come on! We can catch it!” 

The other girl folded into herself and sighed. “What’s the point?” 

“He needs our help!” 

But the other Abby threw her hat on the ground. “Why should I? I never got nothin’ from helpin’ nobody! I hate this stupid hat! I hate the Kids Next Door!” 

“That ain’t why you do it!” The first Abby said. She picked up the hat. “Fine! If you won’t do it, I will!” 

Abby slipped on her sister’s hat. It was a little big for her, flopping to one side, but she didn’t care. She raced to catch up to the machine. She could see the boy inside of it, pounding on a glass wall begging to be set free. She remembered turning her face on that boy. That was how it all began. What, she couldn’t remember. But she knew it was too important to let go. So, she ran. She didn’t have any bike or planes. She just had her two feet. And yet, against the blistering hot sun, she ran. Through the neighborhood and around the corner, she ran. 

“You!” She would shout. “Come back here! Do you hear me? You can’t have him!” Her shouts turned to screams. “You can’t have him!!” 

But the faster she ran, the faster the machine moved away from her. She ran until she couldn’t run anymore, her heart falling out of her chest, gasping for breath. No, she couldn’t lose. It wasn’t time. She had to get him back...somehow. She had to apologize for abandoning him. 

Her knees fell to the ground, scraping on the asphalt street. Her head fell. Reaching her hand to her face, she could feel tears spilling out of her eyes. They flowed out like waterfalls, smoothly and without any other symptoms. Why was she crying? What had she lost? She couldn’t remember. Not a name, nor a face, nor an object, or even a thought. 

Though she got the feeling, a sinking feeling, that it was a someone. 

A someone who would have changed everything. 

A someone who would have set her free. 

But there wasn’t a someone to be found. 

She was all alone. 

Abby was small, so when she curled herself in a ball she was convinced no one would see her. The Treehouse was empty now. Everyone was gone. The only one left was Maurice, Numbuh 9, who Abby wanted to stay more than anything. He sat beside her on the steps for three hours that day, not saying anything. 

“It’s all my fault,” Abby said. 

“No, Abby. It’s all of our fault.” 

“You’re not really going away, are you?” she begged. 

“I was going to ask her to come with me...to South America.” 

“Is that where the chicken pox are?” 

Maurice laughed. “The chicken pox are everywhere, Abby. There’s a scientist down there who’s made a lot of progress in research and I’m gonna go see her.” 

“Don’t go!” She whined. “Stay! Stay with me!” she said. “You can join Sector V again!”

“Abby...”

“I promise I’ll do my best to take Cree’s place! I’ll do such a good job you won’t even miss her! I won’t screw up like I did before!” 

“Oh, kid. They didn’t leave because of you—” 

“If you stay, I won’t have to be the leader!” 

“You’re the one with experience,” he said. “You’ll be great.” 

She buried her head. “I wanna quit.” 

“You do?” 

Abby nodded. 

“Okay.” 

“Huh?!” She shot up. “You meanie! You’re not even gonna tell me not to!” 

“You’re a big girl,” he teased. “You can make your own choices.” 

“I just wanted to be like my big sister...” she mumbled. “Cree is the worst! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!!” She hugged herself closely. “I ain’t never ever gonna forgive her!” 

“Yeah...I get how you feel.” 

“So don’t go to South America!” Abby stood. “We’ll have a team you and me and Cree’ll be so jealous!” 

But Maurice’s face went dark. “It wouldn’t be Sector V without her though, would it?” he said.

He stood up. 

He walked away. 

And Abby couldn’t help but feel like people were always walking away.

And that they always would.

Forever.

Dearest Abby,

I’m sure you’re really upset with me. I understand. I’m sorry that it had to come to this. I wish I could explain. Maybe someday I can. I want you to know that no matter what happens I will always be your big sister. But I can’t go through with this. I didn’t want to embarrass you. I know that you are still so new to all of this. That’s why I’m writing you this letter. Abby. If you care about yourself, you will do me this favor. 

You will quit the Kids Next Door. 

I know, I’m the one who convinced you to join. But trust me, get out now. Now while you’re still new. If you love me, you’ll do this. Please. Nothing good will come if you stay. I don’t want us to be enemies. I don’t want you to lose everything. I want you to understand the truth. When you’re older, you will. 

I love you, Baby Sister. 

I’m sorry. 

\- Your Sister, 

Cree

I wish I could remember how we met. 

But it’s been so long I can’t quite put my finger on it. 

Was it in the lunch hall at training, or maybe at school? 

I thought I knew. 

You were just one of those people who shows up. And all of the sudden you’re everywhere. 

I thought my mind would be able to recall the memory, but even here at the end of it, I can’t find the date and time. The place or mood. 

If you remember, maybe you’ll tell me the story one day, and we can have a good laugh about it. 

I don’t really know who you are. Only that you’re still everywhere. 

Soaked into my memories, your face hidden from me. 

I know the events of our lives together, but I’ve jumbled the order of things. 

And now those are disappearing too. 

I don’t know why my mind wants to take you away. 

Could this be what they call...decommissioning? 

Am I really that old? 

I feel like I should be sad. But I don’t feel anything. 

Nothing at all. 

Maybe that’s worse. 

I wish I knew your name. 

Or something. 

But a name would be nice. 

But for now you must be a memory.

A melody of an old familiar song. 

A harmony in a different key 

Where I can’t sing along

And each time I remember it’ll change a little more. 

Until you’re just a story I’ve heard before. 

Hmm. That’s catchy. 

...what was I saying? 

Oh well. 

If it’s important, I’ll remember. 

Abigail Lincoln was snuggled into her first real big-girl bed and it was the best thing ever. She loved the fluffy white pillows and the soft comforter and sheets. She felt like royalty sleeping in her own room. Now, however, it was always difficult to get her to fall asleep. So Cree had to come in and read her stories until she passed out. It was always the same: one more, then one more, she hardly ever got sick of them. 

“Tell me another story!” 

“Abby, seriously. It’ s like...ten already. You need to go to bed.” 

“One more!” She shouted. “One more!” 

“Okay fine,” Cree rolled her eyes playfully. “Scooch in.” 

“I wanna wear the hat!” Abby said, grabbing for Cree’s red cap, that Abby always admired. “Lookit! I’m you!” 

“You wish,” Cree nudged her sister, who giggled. “Okay, what kind of story—” 

“Adventure story!” she exclaimed. “With fighting and big bad guys and heroes and happily ever after!” 

Cree smiled. “Yeah, maybe it is time.” She cuddled in close. “Listen, Abby. This story is a secret. So we have to be very quiet when we tell it.” 

“What’s it about?” she whispered. 

“Just what you said. It’s about heroes...and bad guys...and adventures. And kids! Just like you.” She tickled her stomach. “It’s about a place where kids could play and be free to do the things they want to do. To just be themselves. And in it there are...mountains of candy and...oceans of asparagus...” 

“Ew!” Abby groaned. “Asparagus?!” 

“And there’s a group of kids who would fight to keep that place peaceful. And some of them even lived on the moon.” 

“On the moon? Why were they on the moon?” 

“So they could see everything!” Cree said. “And they rose up against the mean Adults who were hurting kids. Because some Adults wanted to hurt kids. We don’t know why they did, but it wasn’t very fair. So there was a huge rebellion and the kids fought back. And now whenever there are sad things that happen to kids, the Kids Next Door are there to help rescue them. Like heroes.” 

Abby’s face was beaming. “Wow. I wanna be in the Next Door Kids!” 

“Maybe one day, if you’re really good and work super hard, you will be,” she said. 

“Cree! Are you a Next Door Kid?!” 

Cree nodded. 

“No way!” Abby stood and jumped up and down her bed. “Can I join? Can I? Can I?!” 

“You’re still a little young,” Cree said. “Sit down.” 

“Do you see chocolate mountains? And fight bad guys? And go to space?!” 

“All those things.”

“Wow!!” 

“But it’s a responsibility, Abby.” 

“I wanna join!” 

“I’m sure you will one day,” Cree said wistfully. 

Abby sat on her bed then, settling down from her excitement. Cree tucked her into her bed. 

“Now, it’s bedtime for real.” 

“Cree,” Abby said. “Is it over?” 

“Yeah, baby sister. It’s over.”

Abby rubbed her feet together. “That’s when you told me’bout it?” 

Cree nodded again. 

“What’s gonna happen to me?” 

“Are you scared?”

Abby nodded. 

Cree pulled the covers over her sister, taking her hat off of her head and setting it on her night stand. “Close your eyes.” 

Abby did. 

“And count to five.” 

“I feel weird.” 

“One.” 

Abby sighed. “One.” 

“Two.” 

“To.” 

She felt lighter.

“Three.” 

“free.” 

“Four...” 

“Fo.” 

“Five.” 

“Five.” 

Abby felt her sister lean in to kiss her goodnight. 

“Meet me at the Moon Base.” 

And after she rested, Abigail Lincoln opened her eyes to a whole new world. 

END TRANSMISSION

RESUMING TRANSMISSION... 

“Abigail? Abigail can you hear me?” 

The light flashed in her eyes as she squinted under it. A shadow cast over her. 

“Where am I?” 

She struggled to open her eyes. 

“Who are you?” 

“Don’t worry. You’re safe now. Everything is going to be okay. You can trust me.” The voice was a male’s. Calm and reassuring. 

“I’m here to save you.” 

END TRANSMISSION


	7. W.A.R.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shocked and distressed by the discovery of Abby’s decommissioning and Rachel’s disappearance, Wally, Kuki and Hoagie are faced with an impossible decision. Meanwhile, Nigel learns something he shouldn’t’ve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content/trigger warning: Implied guardian abuse and drug abuse

Now Loading...

Code: RESTRICTED 

Operation: W.A.R. 

We  
Are  
Ravaged

Created by OfficiallyWrong with properties owned by Tom Warburton  
And Cartoon Network 

Episode 24

Location: The Galactic Kids Next Door Headquarters (at the center of the Universe)

Three teenagers ran down the hall. They had lost two of their members and were having difficulty finding them. Worry settled in. Without them, there was no way back. But what was more, without them they would have to return without what they came for. Wally, Kuki and Hoagie did not know exactly how they managed to hack their way into the Galactic Kids Next Door, only that they did it. Rachel was gone, separated from the group and with her the code module. Abby had gone to find Nigel Uno, but since her departure had given them no responses. They feared the worst. 

They weren’t that far off. 

They searched all over, but there were no signs of any lifeforms. Had all those Children really abandoned their post just for the prospect of free ice cream? They supposed it made sense. And having found no new useful information, they were starting to become fatigued, hungry, and most of all, frightened. 

“Nothing?!” Wally griped at his nerdy friend, who was trying very hard not to look at him. The shame was eating away at his insides. “You mean to tell me we came all this way, did all this stuff, and you didn’t find nothin’?” 

Hoagie grimaced. “I wasn’t entirely sure what to look for.” 

“Oh, you weren’t sure what to look for. That’s great.” 

“Hey, I am not the only person that can read this stuff, okay? You could have helped!” 

“We were busy getting the code module. And why is it that when Abby goes off with you something bad happens? It’s like bad luck or somethin’.” 

Hoagie blushed. “I thought this was more pressing. I am not exactly the most competent fighter if you haven’t noticed. I’d just slow her down. My skills lie elsewhere.” 

Wally huffed. “Like not finding information?” 

“Like building a machine that’ll fry your brain.” He grinned. “Oh, wait.” 

“Rude.” 

“Wally, you stop it,” Kuki snapped. “Hoagie, you too. We don’t have a lot of time before the kids get back.” 

“I honestly thought I would be able to figure out the plan, but all I could find was stuff about Nigel Uno. Apparently, he was like...the real deal.” 

“What do you mean?” Kuki asked. 

“The Galactic Kids Next Door watched him for like three years before giving him the recruitment test. He was the first of any human to be selected for a Universal position, and that was big for the planet. They’d stayed isolated from us for so long, afraid of the virus. Nigel being allowed into the G:KND meant huge strides toward understanding it and how it worked, though a lot of that information was obviously kept classified.” 

“Jeez. What a special snowflake,” Wally derided. 

“Yeah that’s what I don’t understand though,” Hoagie explained. “Sure, it’s a huge deal and a big honor. He basically abandoned everything and everyone to pursue this dream. But him joining the G:KND doesn’t make any sense, not really. Why would they take a field agent if they wanted to learn about the virus? Better yet, why not select a whole team of representatives? Scientists and tacticians and diplomats. Uno may have been the best, but he couldn’t have been the best at everything.” 

“Maybe they did have others.” 

“If that’s the case, then where are they?” Hoagie asked. “I don’t know, guys. Don’t you feel it in your gut?” 

“I feel that chocolate bar I ate earlier,” Kuki admitted, holding her stomach. “Oof.” 

“Well I totally agree with you, Burger Master,” Wally said. “I been sayin’ it since the beginning. This whole thing don’t make any sense.” 

“And now Rachel and Abby have both disappeared...and we still haven’t found the code module...” Hoagie adjusted the blaster he had on his back, which was starting to weigh him down. “I wonder...about this whole thing. Nigel Uno was Earth’s hero, and they took him away. They completely isolated him from all connections to the planet, knowing that in paradise he probably wouldn’t return.” 

“That’s pretty dark for Kids.” 

“I don’t think the Kids are behind all of this,” he said. “And if they are, then they’re not like the kids we have on Earth. Remember what Rachel said. They can’t all be as innocent as they say they are. And if experience serves, someone is always waiting in the wings to take advantage of innocence. We know that too well.” 

“There’s definitely something weird goin’ on,” Wally insisted. 

“Nigel Uno is a hero,” Hoagie thought to himself. 

“So?” 

“So if there is an evil scheme, he would have been an obstacle. Something to get rid of.” 

“But they didn’t get rid of him,” Kuki said. 

“How do you get rid of a hero?” he said in rebuttal. 

“You kill his Butler!” Kuki answered. 

“You capture his girlfriend!” Wally added. 

“You lock him in a freezing chamber until his limbs fall off!” 

“What, no. Gross, Kuki,” Hoagie’s face contorted. 

“Well, what then!” 

“...You turn him into a pawn.” 

Just then, the sound of footsteps clamored against the metal floor. A shadow growing down the hallway. Then two. 

“Hey!” A voice called and the three froze. “You! Stop!” 

“Should we run?” Hoagie asked, his body shaking. 

“We ain’t got these guns for runnin’!” 

But just as they prepared to fight, the footsteps slowed down. A human boy stepped into the light. He was holding a weapon and eye-level, squinting at the three. He was a well-built teenager, with blonde hair that swooped to the side and dazzling blue eyes. 

“No way...” The Teen stood back. “Sector V?”

The others relaxed. 

“And there’s hot blonde number three...” Kuki recalled. “Wait a minute! Is that Nigel Uno!” She gasped in her boyfriend’s ear. “He’s sexy!!”

“Ugh. You think?” 

“You kidding?” Hoagie added. “He’s a total hunk.” 

The teenager lowered his weapon. “Yeah, you’re definitely Sector V.” He stepped forward. “I’m Chad. I’m, or I was, Nigel’s partner.” 

“Of course he’s a Chad,” Wally complained, earning him a slap from Kuki. 

“Yo,” a woman’s voice came as the second figure came around the corner. “Do you really know where you’re goin’? Cause we’ve been wanderin’ around in circles for ten minutes and I got a cramp.” 

Wally, Kuki and Hoagie sighed with relief as they saw Abby’s familiar face. 

“There you are!” Kuki exclaimed. 

Abby gave them a dull stare. “Y-yep. Here I am.” 

“Uh, guys...listen...” Chad tried. “There’s something you should—” 

“Y’all with him?” Abby asked. 

“W-what are you talking about?” Kuki asked. “We’re with you.” 

“With me?” Abby’s eyes darted from one Teenager to the other. “Oh. Aliens got you too, huh?” 

It took the three a little while before realizing what was going on. Abby looked the same, but in her eyes, there was no spark of recognition, no awareness. When she looked at them, it was as though looking at them for the first time. At first the feeling was numb, and then it cut deeply into their chests. 

“Right?” 

“Uh....” Kuki struggled. She turned to Wally. “Is that right?” 

“Don’t ask me!” he whispered harshly back. 

“Well who am I supposed to ask, Wallabee?!” 

“I...We...” Hoagie straightened his shoulders, giving off his best heroic pose. “I am Number 2, this is Numbers 3 and 4 of the Teens Next Door!” He grinned. “And we’re here to rescue you.” 

Abigail looked at each of them with all the skepticism a human could muster before finally nodding. “Cool.” 

“Why did you say that?” Chad whispered as they walked back toward the ship. “I know for a fact you guys are not TND. Plus the hard-r gave you away.” 

“Shh!” Hoagie tried to make himself small. “I panicked, okay? What was I supposed to say? I didn’t wanna freak her out. I thought she’d feel better if she thought we were, you know, competent.” 

“This is so screwed up,” Chad said. “First I have to deal with Abigail and now you losers show up? What the hell am I gonna do now? I can’t keep playing babysitter, you know. In case you didn’t know, I have a real mission to accomplish here.”

“Hey if you’re a Teenager how come you’re not decommissioned like he--?” 

“Shhhh!” Chad was agitated. “I was imprisoned. They’ve been running experiments on me. They claim it’s to study the virus, but that’s bull. Then I started getting these rumors about how the Council wants to decommission Nigel before he turns eighteen. Which meant they were going to do the same thing to me first. Only thing keeping me alive this long was Nigel. So I had to get outta there. But when I went to find Nigel and escape, he was gone. I thought I was too late, so I rushed to the chamber and...” he nodded to Abby. “That’s where I found her.” 

“So y’all just go around savin’ people from Alien abductions is that it?” Abby called from the back, catching up the two. Hoagie pulled his hat down. “Hey, you’re in charge, right?” She poked him. 

Wally laughed as Hoagie stopped. “Me?” 

“Yeah, you. How exactly did I get here and what exactly is here and what’s a Teens Next Door and how the hell you gonna get me home?” 

Hoagie flushed. “Why are you asking me?” 

“You serious? Ain’t you the Captain?” 

“Captain?” 

Wally couldn’t help but laugh out loud. 

“2, 3, 4...you’re 2...and you ain’t with him that’s for sure.” 

“T-The numbers are arbitrary.” 

“I seen an anime. Abby ain’t no nerd, but she knows what the goggles mean.” 

“You think Hoagie’s the leader cuz he wears goggles?” Kuki was now snickering alongside Wally. “That’s...” 

“C-Correct!” Hoagie interrupted. “Captain Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr., at your service. Traverser of galaxies, explorer to the stars, sailor through the cosmos—” He puffed up his chest, performing. 

“There he goes...” Kuki said. 

“Oh, brother,” Chad rolled his eyes. 

“Aww. Y’all came out here just to rescue little ol’ me?” Abby flipped her hair. “I’m touched.” 

“It didn’t start out that way,” Wally said. “We were on a mission and lost one of our mates.” 

“There’s more of you?” Chad asked. “How many more?” 

“Just Rachel,” Kuki said. “We lost her and the code module during our escape.” 

Chad halted. “Numbuh 362 is alive?” 

“Um...” she fiddled with her hands. “Yes?” 

“And she’s here?” 

“Yes.” 

“And you lost the code module? Earth’s code module.” 

“Y-Yes.” 

Chad groaned, moving forward again. “Same old Sector V...” 

Wally’s body tensed as he watched the girl next to him shove her hand onto the bag, shoveling handfuls of chips into her mouth. He himself wasn’t hungry, though by all accounts he should have been. The girl warmed her hands, blowing into them. Without thinking, he removed his jacket and offered it to her. No words. No eye contact. Just the simple gesture. She took it, clearly feeling just as strange about the whole thing he was. Her eyes cast down onto his phone, he could feel them stare. 

“That work all the way out here?” 

Wally handed her the phone, still unable to say anything. She took it and began scrolling through the music. 

“No signal though.” She rifled through the albums. “I don’t know most of these.” 

He took off his headphones and handed them to her. “Go ahead.” 

The phones fit snugly on her ears. Her face contorted into a scowl as she quickly tried to find another song. Wally observed her facial expressions as she went through five or six songs, not particularly caring for any of them. At last she landed on one she enjoyed, leaning back with a soft smile. A gentle hum buzzed against her lips, her eyes closing for only a moment before lifting up to see the dancing stars above. And then, words: 

“Blackbird singin’ in the dead’a night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You have just been waitin’ for this moment to arrive.” 

Kuki squeezed herself close to the other side of Abby. “You can sing?!” 

“Hm?” She removed the headphones, the music now pouring out for everyone else to hear. 

“Your voice is so good!”

Abigail laughed. “Oh, I ain’t trained or nothin’.” 

“The Beatles are the only ‘mainstream’ thing Wally will listen to,” Kuki said. “It’s his last name so he feels obligated.” 

“I just grabbed whatever was familiar,” Abby admitted. “I only sang in church on Christmas and Easter. I dunno nothin’ about music.” 

“Wally! Isn’t she good? Play it again, we’ll sing together!” 

Wally listened to them chat, a pressure forming at the bridge of his nose. As soon as a tear fell from his right eye, he quickly wiped it away. “You can use it,” he choked as he got up and walked toward Chad, who was still hanging out by the walkie-talkie. 

“Nothin’ yet?” 

Chad sighed. “I haven’t even heard static. I’m worried she may have gone to get Nigel on her own.” 

“No way. She’s got the code module. She wouldn’t do that.” 

“I can’t have you guys go out there. And if I leave you won’t have anyone to fly the ship.” He sighed. “If she doesn’t return soon, we’ll have to leave without her.” 

“And without Uno. Or the code module.” Wally rubbed his eyes. “Fuck.” 

“Hey, Man. We’ll be back. Nigel’s my partner. I’m not letting anything happen to him. As for the code module...I don’t know.” 

Wally looked back at his girlfriend and Abby laughing together. “We lost then.” 

“There’s still time.” 

“Sorry, Mate but...without Abby?” He sighed. “I ain’t so sure we still got a chance.” 

“Did I say something wrong?” Abby asked Kuki, now scraping the bottom of the chip bag. “He didn’t have to let me use it.” 

Kuki put on her best smile. “No! Not at all! Wally is just—” She caught his eyes, only briefly before he shied away from her gaze. “Tired. We all are. We failed our mission so we’re all a little bummed too.” 

“Because of me?” 

“What? No! It’s our teammate, Rachel. We lost her in here and there’s been no contact. If she doesn’t come back soon, the whole thing is bust.” 

“I see.” Abby hugged her knees. “I guess I still don’t really get what’s goin’ on.” She sighed, tracing her finger along the stone floor where they sat. 

A loud sound erupted into the air. A blue light flashed from the ship window. 

Abby sat up. “What was that?” 

Kuki sighed. “Hoagie.” 

“You mean the Captain?” Abby slapped her cheek. “Wait...that’s his name? No wonder y’all go by numbers.” 

Kuki stood up. “Um...will you excuse me a sec?” 

Abby leaned back again, putting back the headphones. “Don’t mind me, Baby. I’m just along for the ride.” 

It was entirely dark. No lights were on, nothing could be seen when you entered the ship. Kuki found her friend inside, bathed in the darkness. A dull glow came from the goggles he wore on his face, allowing him to see even in the mess. His back hunched over the small table as he worked, parts of his project already disassembled onto the floor. 

“Hoagie?” 

“Hm.” He barely acknowledged her. 

“Why are you...sitting here in the dark?” 

“I can see fine.” 

“Are you gonna come outside?” She stepped further into the room, her foot kicking something light and plastic. Picking it up, she stared at the small orange plastic bottle, noticing many more like it scattered about the floor. “Please tell me you didn’t.” 

“I took an Adderall. To focus.” 

“We agreed you weren’t going to do that.” 

“It was just one.” 

“Then what’s with all these other bottles—” 

“Had to dig for it.” She didn’t reply. “It’s fine, Kuki.”

“It’s not fine. You’re spiraling.”

He stood. “You’re not my fucking psychiatrist, okay?” He groaned, running his fingers over his eyes. “Do you get what’s going on? At all? Do you pretend to be ignorant to piss everyone off?” 

Kuki’s chest tightened. “That’s mean.” 

“We are fucked!” He shouted back. “The only thing that’s going to un-fuck us is this thing. Right here. And every second we keep arguing about this is another second we are fucked!” 

“So you’re gonna go numb? That’s your plan?” 

“I’m going to fix it.” 

“How.” 

“I don’t know!” He sat back down. “If I weren’t so stupid, I would be able to figure it out. But even with my memories, I wasn’t enough. So what if I need a little extra help? What’s so wrong with that? Isn’t it worth it?” His hands slammed the table. “What kind of moron can’t figure out paperclips and rubber bands?” 

“It’s okay. You did your best—” 

“Well, my best was shit, wasn’t it?” he snapped. “If I just did what I was supposed to do Abigail wouldn’t...” He grit his teeth. “I have to fix it. Whatever means necessary.” 

“You need rest.” 

“I promised her I would fix it. One little thing. Fix the toy. You can do that, can’t you? You’re a genius, aren’t you? It’s just a wooden box. A fucking wooden box. How hard could it be? Do one thing so you’re not completely fucking useless.” 

“Hoagie, stop!” 

“I had one thing to do and I failed. Just like that stupid apparition said I would. It should have been the one that came here. I should have just let it...” His throat closed before he could finish. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” 

“It could have been worse,” Kuki tried to console him. But his eyes stared straight through his goggles into her. She knew that, somehow, she said the wrong thing.

“You know...” Hoagie looked back to the machine, folding his hands together and resting his elbows down. “It was about two weeks before my grandma died when she finally forgot who I was. I went in to give her breakfast that morning and I’ll never forget it. She smiled at me with this...kindness in her eyes and said: ‘you’re such a sweet boy.’” 

He laughed at himself solemnly. 

“I’ve never hated anyone more than I hated her in that moment.” He removed his goggles completely, pushing his fingers into his nose. “I’ll never know if my grandma was ever a good person, if she hated me or was just cruel by nature. It’s confusing for a kid, seeing this image of happy old ladies baking cookies and knitting sweaters and being a symbol of unconditional love on TV when the only one you’ve ever known can’t stand you. Most kids complain about their grandmas kissing them on the cheek. Mine put me in the hospital.” 

Kuki stood perfectly still, listening. Trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. Hearing him speak so candidly, however, made that last part difficult. 

“Makes you wonder how much of ourselves are just the actions we take and how much are the memories we have.” He sighed. “Dementia took my grandma from us. It took the screaming and the bruises and the fear and the bartering and the excuses. I thought Abigail was crazy for trying to hold on to a life no one else remembered, but I did the same thing. That old woman took everything with her leaving me with memories.” He sniffed, sucking tears back into his eyes. “Will Abby be the same without her hers? Different? Doesn’t matter. They stole her life.” He exhaled deeply. “And I am going to get it back.” 

Kuki waited a while before approaching, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I know you will.” His shoulders tensed. “But right now, there’s a girl out there who is cold and alone, and probably scared, who thinks she was abducted by Aliens and has no idea if she’s going to get back home. That girl doesn’t need a hero. She needs friends.” 

She left him with those words, stepping back into the light. 

Wally had taken back his headphones now, Chad sitting beside him, looking flushed. Kuki sat beside Abby, who was howling with laughter. 

“How did you...” 

“Is she right?” 

“Of course I’m right. Abby’s never wrong,” Abby announced. 

“Ooh! Are you playing a game? I wanna play!” Kuki sang. 

Wally smirked. “Chad’s a fruit.” 

“Shut up! Sherbet is a perfectly acceptable favorite ice cream flavor! It’s a step away from sorbet but not pretentious—” 

“Rainbow sherbet!” 

“Is delicious!” 

Abby grinned. “I bet them I could guess their favorite ice cream by their personality. It’s a superpower I have.” 

“Ooh! Do me!” Kuki scooted. 

Abby looked her over. “Definitely cookies n’ cream.” 

“Don’t you mean Kuki’s and cream?” Hoagie stepped out of the ship door, giggling at his own joke. 

“And Gilligan strikes again with the lamest jokes in the known Universe,” Chad muttered. 

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” Wally whined at his best friend. “You missed everything! Abby called Chad a fruit cake!” 

“For the last time. Rainbow! Sherbet!” 

“I’m cookies and cream!” Kuki tossed her hair. “I think it’s fitting.” 

“Yeah if you eat your ice cream with hot sauce,” Hoagie quipped as he sat down, earning him a shove from Kuki. 

“I got rocky road,” Wally bragged. 

“Because you’re difficult to navigate?” Chad sneered. 

“At least I’m not a Chad.” 

“She can guess them in seconds! It’s amazing.” 

“Oh, can she?” He crossed his arms. “Okay, let’s see then.” 

She looked Hoagie over. “Vanilla.” 

Hoagie frowned. “Vanilla?” 

Wally started to snort. He couldn’t stop laughing. 

“You think I’m vanilla?” 

“You’re probably the whitest boy she knows!” Wally howled. 

“Is that wrong?” Kuki asked.

“That’s not the point, the point is...” He looked himself over. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m almost positive,” Abby said. 

“Not even chocolate chip? Or...smores? Or...something?” 

“Hoagie’s an Aquarius,” Kuki explained. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

“Oh, honey,” she snickered. 

“Abby don’t see what the problem is,” Abby said. “Abby likes vanilla. It’s one of the three original flavors of ice cream.” 

“Four,” Hoagie said. 

“...three.” 

“Four.” 

“Four?” 

“Four.” 

“Somebody say my name?” 

Abby stared at him. “Listen, Sugar. Nobody in the world knows more about ice cream than Abby.” 

Hoagie grinned. “Then Abby would know about the ancient fourth flavor.” 

Abby’s face lightened. She leaned in. “What is it?” 

“No one knows.” He lifted his finger into the air in lecture. “Only that it was lost to the sands of time.” 

“He’s makin’ shit up again,” Wally groaned. 

“No, this is real. I have it on very good authority,” Hoagie explained. “Yep. If I were an ice cream flavor, that’s the one I would be.” 

“How could that be your favorite flavor if you ain’t never tasted it?” Wally asked. 

“Because objectively it’s the best one,” he said. “So it’s understandable you wouldn’t have guessed it.” 

Abby moved her hair out of her face. “Can’t argue with a guy who wears goggles on purpose.” 

“Exact—hey.” 

Then, the air tensed. “Someone’s coming,” Chad said as he stood up. 

“Is it Rachel?” 

“It looks like...” He squinted. “No. That can’t be...” 

“IS IT NIGEL UNO?!” Kuki bulldozed her way over to him. 

His voice tensed. “It’s...” 

“Heeeey! What is up, fellow Teenagers!” A young teenage girl with bright red hair and freckles waved at them. Her eyes smiled through a pair of thick-rimmed round glasses, her hair bouncing up and down as she jogged. “I am here to join your forces!” 

“I thought you said there were no other Teenagers besides you and Uno.” 

“I did. There aren’t.” Chad scowled. “What are you doing, Vine?” 

The girl pouted. “How’d you know it was me?” 

“Gee, I don’t know. Your Teen human S.U.I.T. looks exactly the same as your child human S.U.I.T. Real smooth there.” 

Galactic Kids Next Door: S.U.I.T. 

So  
Unknowingly  
I  
Transform 

“Duh! How else would my Nigie recognize me?” she beamed. 

Abby giggled. “Nigie?! Seriously, who named you people?” 

“Wait, so you’re not a Teen?” Wally scanned her. “Then what the bloody hell are you?” 

“Well, technically I’m a Kid. Numbuh Vine from the Galactic Kids Next Door.” She saluted. “Reporting for duty.” 

“Number Vine...” Wally thought hard. “Vine ain’t a number. Is it?” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Is it like...” he tried again. “A fancy high number?” 

“Maybe it’s a space Number?” Kuki suggested. She walked up to Vine, poking her face. “So realistic...” 

“Wait a minute! You can’t just come in here with a S.U.I.T. and expect us to just accept you into our team,” Chad said. 

“Oh, Chadwick. I didn’t.” She cleared her throat. “There I was! Trapped in a glass cage! No one to talk to! And no candy or anything! Punished for absolutely no reason at all!” 

“Just Chad, Vine. It’s always been just Chad.” 

“Then! A voice! Was it my Nigie come to rescue me?” She frowned. “No. It was that dumb blonde from the Moon Base all sweaty and panty. Like she was running from something.” 

“Rachel rescued you?” Chad asked. “Where is she now?” 

Vine swallowed. “Uhh...well, see...” 

“Vine.” Chad stepped forward, his nose almost to hers. “Where is Numbuh 362?” She wilted. “Where is the code module?!” 

“She got captured! I didn’t know what else to do! I pretended I caught her, so I wouldn’t be followed. I looked and looked but couldn’t find my Nigie anywhere! Then, I wandered around and there you were!” 

“Why didn’t you go and rescue her?” Chad asked with derision. 

“Pfft. Why would I do that? She’s trying to take my Nigie away from me.” Vine grinned. “Now I can join the revolution and win my Nigie back! And little miss tomboy won’t get in my way.” 

“Oh, no!” Chad said. “You’re not getting anywhere near Nigel. You make him crazy!” 

“Oh, really? What’s he gonna do? Go back to Earth with—” Vine pushed through the others, stopping when she saw Abby who was staring at her with demanding eyes. “You.” 

“Sup?” Abby said. “You abducted too?” 

Vine turned back to Chad. “Oh, I am definitely coming with you.” 

Chad groaned. “Wonderful.” 

Vine made her way over to Abby and Hoagie. “Hello, Hogarth.” Her attention moved over to Abby, her voice dropping. “Abigail. You’re looking...old.” 

“I’m sorry,” Abby stopped her. “Hogarth?” 

“Please never call me that.” 

“Sorry. I thought we were in War’a the Worlds but turns out we were in Pride and Prejudice all along.” 

“It’s a family name!” 

“They still worried about the cholera?” 

“Ahem!” Vine tried to get her attention. “Excuse me? I said hello!” 

“Oh, sorry. Hello. Are you Rachel?” 

“Oh, wow.” Vine scoffed. “Wooow.” 

“Vine!” Chad grabbed them by the wrist, pulling them aside. “Let me introduce you...Abigail, this is Agent Vine. Vine, Abigail Lincoln. The girl we rescued. From Alien abduction.” He got really close. “Who has no idea what is going on.” 

“Why are you talking to me like I’m stupid?” 

Chad grabbed their arm. “She doesn’t remember anything,” he whispered. 

Vine was quiet for a minute. “She doesn’t remember...not even...”Chad shook his head. She gasped. “That’s even worse!!” 

“Vine! Shut up!” 

“You mean she doesn’t have any baggage! What Teenager doesn’t have baggage! How am I supposed to compete with that?! I’m doomed!” 

But Abby just laughed. “No baggage? Me? Baby, you must be an Alien.” 

“I’m sorry about Vine. They’re not feeling well.” 

“Wait!” The stopped him. “Call me...Lizzie. Lizzie the real genuine teenage girl!” 

Abby shrugged. “Whatever tickles ya. Abby don’t judge.” 

“You’re not a girl,” Chad griped. 

“Why not?” Lizzie pouted. 

“Because you’re an Alien!!” 

“So? I want to be a girl,” she announced. “I was happiest when I was a girl. When I was with my Nigie...” 

“Oh-ho,” Hoagie rubbed his hands together, as though scheming something. “So Uno has a girlfriend, huh?” 

“Well, not...I mean we broke up. But as soon as I find him, we’ll run off together in the starry sky and grow old like Adults do.” 

“Grow old? But you’re a Kid...” 

“Vine may have contracted the virus,” Chad explained. “At least that’s what they’re saying. She’s been in the red for a while now.” 

“If I have to die, I’m glad I learned what it truly means to be in love!” she said. “Apparently that’s not cool out here.” 

“That’s beautiful,” Abby said. 

Lizzie scowled. “Shut up, Abby.” 

“I truly hope it works out for you crazy kids,” Hoagie said, unable to hide his grin. “Meanwhile I reap the sweet, sweet rewards.”

Abby smirked. “Vanilla,” she quipped under her breath. 

“Whatever,” Chad let go of Lizzie. “You,” he pointed at her. “Stay. You,” he pointed at Hoagie. “Come with me. We’ve got a situation.” 

“What? Why do I have to stay?” Lizzie whined. 

“Good luck,” Abby said as Hoagie stood to leave. “Captain Horrace.” 

“Hoagie.”

“Yo’ daddy must’ve hated you.” 

“You know I could leave you here, right?” he said back. 

“You won’t. Abby’s too cute.” 

She patted the seat next her, offering it to Lizzie. 

“Well. Sit down, push-pop. Let’s girl talk.” 

“Numbuh 362 has been most likely been captured,” Chad explained to the others. “Which means not every Kid fell for the ice cream scam. We have to be careful.” 

“If Rachel has the Earth code module thingy,” Kuki added. “And she doesn’t come back, how will we re-commission the Kids Next Door?” 

“We gotta get it back,” Wally said. 

“And if Rachel was in Quarantine and didn’t run into Nigel there, that means he isn’t there anymore,” Hoagie added. “Who knows where he could be?” 

“Maybe they’re together?” Wally suggested. 

“Normally I would say we re-group and go back in, but with Abigail...” Chad sighed. 

“You’re right. You’re the only one left who can fly the ship out of here,” Hoagie said. “And the three of us can’t go to the TND without some kind of collateral. They’ll scramble us right there.” 

“You have to go back to the TND?” 

“We can’t take Abby back to Earth,” Wally said. “Who knows what those fuckers’ll do to her?” 

“We have the recommissioning module,” said Kuki. “To trade.” 

“Which is useless to them without the code module,” Hoagie explained. “We have no choice. We have to go back for Rachel.” 

“Dude, I get it,” Chad said. “But we only have so much time before the Kids find a way back here. We need to be out of here before then. And no way am I trusting Vine alone with a ship. Not for shit.” 

“So what do we do?” 

“We split up,” Hoagie said after a while thinking. “Chad stays with Abby and the Alien, you two and I go back and find Rachel. We get the code module and get out as best we can. And hopefully we can find Nigel Uno before he’s decommissioned.” 

“What happens if the Kids hack their way in before that?” 

“Our top priority is getting Abigail out,” he said with conviction. “If we don’t make it by that point, consider the mission a failure and go without us.” He checked in with Wally and Kuki. “If they are okay with that plan.” 

“It’s that or go back with nothin’,” Wally said. 

“We started this together,” Kuki stated. “And we’ll finish it together.” 

Hoagie put out his hand. “V for Victory?” 

Wally and Kuki joined. “V for Victory!” 

“Alright,” Chad nodded. “I’m counting on you guys. Let’s kick some ass.” 

“She thinks I’m vanilla!” Hoagie harrumphed over the hill. “Vanilla! How am I vanilla? Look at me!” 

“You gotta let it go, Mate,” Wally said, fiddling with his weapon. 

“What do you have against Vanilla anyway?” Kuki asked. “Isn’t that like a special Spice or whatever?” 

“That’s not the point! The point is Abigail thinks I’m boring! That’s her first impression of me. Boring. Plain. Vanilla. Which I am not.” 

Kuki shrugged. “Maybe that’s not what she meant.” 

“Oh sure. Vanilla means cool and interesting. Everyone knows that.” 

“I think you’re taking this too seriously.” 

“Do you even know where we’re going?” Wally asked, trying to catch up to Hoagie, who was fueled by his ice cream predicament and therefore a good ten feet ahead. 

“We’re going back to Quarantine,” he said.

Kuki scuttled her way forward, catching up. “But they said Nigel Uno wasn’t in Quarantine.” 

“No, but Rachel is a Teenager. If she was captured, don’t you think that’s where she would be?” 

The others agreed that it was worth checking out. They wandered around the large treehouse, trying to find the entrance where they came in. There was a sign that appeared, flashing neon and indicating HAZARD or something to that effect. It wasn’t precisely the same as it was on Earth, but the idea was similar. They tried to enter the door, but it was locked. 

Hoagie puzzled at it. “That’s odd. I thought I unlocked all the doors. Er...Number 2 did.” 

“Allow me,” Wally stepped forward with his gun, blasting the control panel. The circuit electrified, and the door opened. Wally was pleased with himself. “Sometimes you just gotta be a little rude.” 

The door lead, strangely, to another door. This one opened with the push of a single button, opening to a small metal room with nothing inside. 

“An elevator,” Kuki noticed. 

“To what?” Wally was uneasy. “Never in my life have I seen a movie where a lift leads to a good thing.” 

Hoagie examined the buttons. “It only goes down.” 

“Oh! That’s even better!” Wally shouted sarcastically. Kuki grabbed onto Wally’s arm as they stepped in. 

The door slid closed. The button for the basement pressed. Wally made certain to mention that basements were the absolute sign of death in any adventure, but they all knew it was necessary. The ride was dark and seemed to take forever despite the swiftness of the descent. 

At last, it opened. 

The room the three were led into was a narrow little thing which resembled a chemistry lab. It was illuminated by blue lights shining on the rows of what looked to be plants. Small seedlings barely budded. There was a green glow coming from the walls. 

“Looks like Kids got themselves their own grow operation,” Wally said, moving to take a closer look. “You think this is how they make Khlorophill?” 

“But Rachel said they mine that stuff,” Kuki reminded him, still keeping her distance from the weird walls. “Didn’t she?” 

“Guys,” Hoagie called them over to a door on the other side. He opened it, revealing a much, much larger room, one the size of an average aircraft hangar. Plots of soil scattered all around, with the same blue lamps hanging over them. 

“What the bloody hell...” Wally started. “Is going on?” 

“Maybe the Galactic Kids Next Door are environmentally conscious?” Kuki asked. 

“Maybe it’s a new branch of their government,” Hoagie teased. 

But Wally backed away. “No way. Somethin’ about this place feels wrong. I don’t think we’re in Quarantine. I think...” 

That’s when Kuki screamed. She fell over onto the floor, her finger trembling as it pointed across the way. The boys looked. On the other side of the room, they could finally see the makings of shadows coming out of the wall. They were immobile, coated in a green substance that covered the glass like algae. Wally went to comfort his girlfriend, but she wouldn’t stop shaking. 

“Stay away from the walls,” Hoagie muttered. “I’ll take a closer look.” 

“Are you crazy? This is how it begins, man!” Wally screamed. “Fucking Ripley’s Believe it or not haunted wax museum shit!” 

“Wally!” Kuki grabbed him and moved back to the center, realizing there were more beings in the walls they were close to.

“Fuck!” Wally held her. “Can we go now please? The code module ain’t here!” 

But Hoagie continued to walk around the walls. He stopped when he found what he most feared he would find. “Rachel.” He pointed at the silhouette of a teenage girl, unconsciously slumped over, dusted with the algae. He tapped on the glass, but there was no response. “Rachel!” The tapping turned to pounding. “Rachel, it’s us. Sector V. Can you hear us?” 

“Dude. If we don’t get out of here, we are fucked!” Wally ran back to the elevator, noticing the door was closed. 

“This is it,” Hoagie backed away. “This is what they were gonna do to Abigail. They decommissioned her so she couldn’t escape. And Chad was going to be next.” 

“Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit!” Wally repeatedly pressed the button. “I am so fucking out of here!” 

“Wally!” Kuki went after him. “Come on! Grow some balls!” 

“There’s bein’ brave and then there’s bein’ a dumbfuck!” he screamed. “We gotta get out of here before whatever did this comes back and does it to us!” He turned around, his back facing the elevator door. “Well, come on!” But the look of horror on Kuki and Hoagie’s faces stopped him. He looked down at his feet, noticing roots slinking around him. He slowly turned, seeing the shadow of a giant tree. A tree with eyes and a mouth, grinning at them. 

“Leaving already?” a voice came from the Tree. “But I haven’t had a chance to show you my experiment yet.” 

Wally tried to shoot at it, but none of his shots did any damage. “What the—come on!” 

“You’re...” Hoagie quivered. “You’re not a Kid. You can’t be. No Kid could do something like this.” 

The roots continued to grow, covering the walls as the trunk of the tree alien pushed forward. “Oh, Gilligan...” it grinned. “Always the cocky know-it-all.” 

“It knows our names,” Kuki shook. 

“Children. So pure. So innocent. So....gullible,” They berated. “Not as gullible as humans.” 

A shadow fell over the three. 

“Holy shuck-buckets t-they’re not plants...” Hoagie trembled. His eyes met one of the seedlings, watching it stretch their vines up into the air, as though yawning. “They’re babies.” 

Kuki gasped. “Cute!” 

“No! Not cute! Very bad, Kuki!” Wally shouted. 

The shadow got larger, now entirely engulfing them. “You guys like riddles? I have one! One of these things is not like the others,” They asked in a cutesy innocent voice before it dropped to the very low base of its register. 

“Can you guess what it is?” 

Abigail Lincoln was a simple person. She valued that about herself. Nothing was ever too complicated, nor too hostile. Sure, she worked hard and was at the top of her class, but that wasn’t what she identified as complicated. Work was actually very simple when you sat down and thought about it. She lived by basic principles, helping others and following through on tangible goals, stopping to rest and relax when needed. She never over-worked herself, she never under-worked. It was sad to her those who spent their lives grinding away at dreams that were not theirs to please people that were not themselves. To Abby, life was straight-forward. 

She was the last person in the world anyone would expect to be abducted by aliens, and it was the furthest thing from her mind. 

There was a surreal calm she had about the whole situation, trying her best not to panic or do anything that could disrupt the flow of events. She trusted the people around her, and maybe she shouldn’t’ve. But it was better to trust them than to question them at this point. After all, what good could space life forms do stealing her away from her home? 

She wandered around the narrow spaceship, tracing her hand along the cool metallic surface. Moving slowly, she stretched her neck, startled by the fact that she did not have many thoughts regarding anything at the moment. Maybe it was shock, maybe it was peace. After her journey, she stepped outside. Chad had fallen asleep and the alien girl who wanted to be called Lizzie was doing something weird with her fingernails. Abby scanned the area. 

“Where is everyone?” 

“How should I know?” her nasally voice sang. 

Abby bent down. “Shouldn’t we maybe try’n contact’m?” 

Lizzie moaned. “They’re probably finishing their mission or whatever,” she said. “All out there looking for Nigie while I’m stuck here with...” She stopped herself, but Abby knew what she was going to say. “Oh, yeah.” Lizzie moved over to one side, pulling out a piece of folded cloth, patches of grey stitched together with patches of a flowery pattern. She threw it at Abby. “That’s for you.” 

Abby felt a lump inside the cloth, which was revealed to be a hat, the size of a child’s head. Inside, a grey pair of goggles with bright yellow lenses stared back at her. “It ain’t mine.” 

“No doi,” Lizzie rolled her eyes. “It’s Numbuh 2’s dumb hat.” 

“The Captain’s?” She held it up. “Why would he give it to me?” 

“Maybe to match your dumb hat,” Lizzie mumbled. 

Abby ignored her, walking away with it. She went back into the ship, snuggling herself into the captain’s chair and stared at them. They were too small to belong to him. How could anyone even see out of them? She picked up the goggles, lifting the lenses to her face. However, gazing through the lenses, she saw nothing. “Huh?” She pulled them away, blinking to make sure she wasn’t crazy. Placing them back on her face, she stared intently into the pitch-black cover. Her finger graced the side of them, feeling an indent. Hardly any pressure was placed on it when the inside of the goggles lit up, red letters flashing across the front. 

I D E N T I T Y C O N F I R M E D 

W E L C O M E: N U M B U H 5

Abby blinked. The thing was malfunctioning, that was certain. Probably was short-circuiting from all the space travel. It didn’t even spell the world Number right. What a strange little device. Abby tried to fiddle with it, seeing if she could find anything fun to do. She didn’t want to pry into this guy’s privacy, or whosever these things were. She wasn’t that bored. Using the buttons she now realized were on the side of the goggles, she navigated the odd little computer. She found some strange diagrams and weird notes, some poems she tried not to read, but was way too tempted in the end. Just as she was about to put them back, her eyes wet to a little camera in the corner. Without clicking on it, the screen sensed her attention and the file opened. 

Oops. 

Abby’s nose scrunched. It was an image of some kid’s feet. Without needing to move a muscle, the image changed to another picture. Abby understood now. They were photos, taken with the goggles. Most of them were poorly shot. The kid probably had no idea he was taking them. He was a short child, a little on the plump side with a round face. He wore a lot of costumes, big floppy hats and capes. When he wasn’t, he just looked like a normal kid. After flipping through quite a few photos, one of them started to move. Ambient noise came from the little speakers. 

{“I’m not supposed to take any pictures...but I’m bored...”} a tiny voice said as it crept down what looked to be stairs. Around the corner, down to the table. His squatty nature made him move the camera back and forth. He approached the kitchen where a stout woman was leaning over the stove. 

{“Tommy, you are supposed to be in the tub!”}

Abby chuckled to herself. So these were some kid named Tommy’s, huh? Pretty smart kid... 

{“Hoagieeeeee,” the boy called to another boy, a Teenager with his nose down in some kind of project. Tommy climbed up, leaning on the table. “What are you dooooing?” 

“It’s private.”

“You promised you were gonna play with me today! It’s Saturday!” The kid whined. “You prooooomised.” 

“This is important,” the older kid said. “We can play later.” 

Tommy pouted. “You’re no fun anymore.” 

“And you’re just as annoying as ever,” he grumbled. }

Then the video skipped again. This time it was the Teen boy, which Abby realized must be the Captain. But he didn’t look like a space Captain here in these videos. Actually, he was understated. In this video, he had glasses on and had lost about four or five years. Tommy, who was even younger, sat with his arms crossed and back hunched on the floor. 

{“And see? We’re recording. Easy-peasy! I’ve saved everything into this file, Tommy, so don’t lose it.” 

“I’m not gonna lose it!” 

“Uh, you said that about my yipper numbuh 44 and look what happened to that!” 

But Tommy pouted. “This is dumb.” 

“You need to learn—”

“No! I don’t! Because you’re not going!” 

The older one sighed. “Tommy...” 

“No!” The little boy ran off, angrily. 

“Tommy! Come ba—” And then there was one. He brought the goggles closer. “Ugh. Great. Fine. I’ll do it myself. Tommy, if you’re watching this in the future, uh...hi. It’s me, your big brother. Sup? Okay. So. We’ve still got some stuff to go over...I think...so um...right.” He pulled out a small spiral notebook, clearing his throat. “How to calibrate the thrust of a 2x4 jet engine. I know I went over this before, but I wasn’t sure if you were paying attention or what and since I won’t...” The boy’s face fell. He squeezed his eyes. “God this is the worst. Look. I know I suck as a big brother. I know I didn’t treat you right. Doing this isn’t gonna make up for it. I’m sorry. I dunno if I’ll be better or worse after it’s all over but, I’m gonna try, okay? Don’t ever grow up, Tommy. It’s the pits.” He sighed. “Okay. Take two.” }

And the video changed. 

{“Introducing the butt-busting champion!” }

This boy was different. He was extremely short with a blonde hair cut in a bowl. He wore an orange sweat-shirt even in the hot sun. Abby laughed to herself. That must be Beatles, she figured. It brought her heart joy to know they had been friends for so long. 

{“Are you gettin’ this, Numbuh 2?” 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” 

“Don’t be a weenie!”

The camera moved over to a girl jumping up and down and waving. “Go, Wally, Go! Go, Wally, Go! I believe in you!!” Cookie, Abby realized. 

The blonde boy blushed with pride, pulling up his sleeves. 

Then, quietly the voice of some other kid came behind. It was soft, low, almost mature and oddly...familiar. 

“He’s gonna break that butt’a his one of these days...” 

The boy laughed through his nose. “You spend all that time busting your butt and get nothin’ in return! What a world.” 

The camera jumbled as something red swiped across the front.}

The video cut out, switching again. Abby was thoroughly enjoying the home movies and the poorly framed pictures. 

{“This’ll be fun...” the narrator snickered. “Numbuh 1’s having one of his days...we haven’t had a mission in forever. He’s goin’ nuts!” He crept up to another kid who was quite unique-looking as well. Skinny, a bit too skinny, and pale, probably a bit too pale too. He had no hair. That was the odd part. He was lying on wood, groaning. “Hey, Numbuh 1! Workin’ hard or hardly workin’?” 

The bald boy covered his face. “Three days. I can already feel myself withering away...” He moaned in a thick English accent. “I feel so useless. Like a slab on a rock. Who puts a slab on a rock? No one. Because it’s useless. Which is what I am.” 

“Aw, come on, Numbuh 1. It’s not all bad.” The camera fell to his eye-level. “Wanna learn King’s Corner? It’s a card game for old people but it’s pretty fun!” 

But the boy just moaned more. “Just let me wallow...”}

Now Abby was laughing out loud. She hoped the others wouldn’t come back and catch her. 

{“For cryin’ out...get off the floor!” It was that other voice again. The familiar one. 

Numbuh 1 lay down, defiantly. “Never!”}

Abby could only see the bottom half of the little girl, who had marched over to pull the bald boy off the ground. 

{“N-Numbuh 5!” He squirmed while the camera looked away shyly. “Get off of me! Help! That’s bullying!” 

“Oh, quit whinin’, you big baby!” Black hair fell in front of the screen, blocking her face. “Numbuh 2! Get up and help me.” 

“N-No thanks I’m good.” 

“Wimp. Boys are such babies!”}

So this was Numbuh 5, the person who the goggles had mistaken Abby for. The one who was mysteriously missing from this mission. Come to think of it, so was this Numbuh 1 character. This Numbuh 5 did look a lot like her, she had to admit. Though she couldn’t get that good of a look. She hadn’t yet seen a really good picture of her. As though reading her mind, the video changed again. She wondered how it was doing that...but knew it was probably broken somehow. Hopefully all these things could be saved, she would hate to have someone lose all these precious memories. 

{“Numbuh 5?” the narrator’s voice was so tiny and sweet now, very different from how he was before. He climbed over the couch, much like his little brother did. Abby could see the girl had long black hair, braided like she wore it. She was sleeping, a hat sitting on her chest. “Psst. Numbuh 5...” 

“Don’t bug me.” 

“Can I spider you, then?” 

There was a long pause before the girl shot up grabbing her hat and the camera turned from the girl, running away as fast as it could.}

But this time, Abby wasn’ t laughing. She couldn’t stop thinking about that hat. It looked just like Cree’s hat. 

Her hat. 

The visual likeness was sure uncanny, but that she could accept. But that hat...the hat she randomly arrived with in this place, the hat that she swore belonged to her sister when she was eleven. The hat she wore every single day for most of her childhood. There was no way. 

She ripped the goggles off, storming outside to where Lizzie was still fidgeting with her “body.” Angrily, she threw the hat and goggles at her. 

“Ouch! Hey! What’s the big idea!” 

Abby’s chest rose and fell. “When we met, you knew my name.” 

Lizzie blinked. “Uh...” 

“And Chad...he also...knew my name. Before I told him anything. He said he overheard it somewhere, but that ain’t true is it?” she steamed, stepping over Lizzie, who cowered. “You don’t like me, do you?” 

“N-nooo. I wouldn’t say—”

“You know me, don’t you?” 

“Know is a strong word...” 

“The others...” she growled. “Where did they go?” 

“I-I-I told you. They’re completing their mission.” 

“Why would he give me this?” she demanded. “If they were plannin’ on coming back. Why would he do that? Answer me!” 

“How should I—”

Abby grabbed Lizzie by the collar of her sweater. 

“They went to go find Nigie and Rachel, who was supposed to bring back the code module, so they could use it to save Earth.” Abby dropped her, backing away. “You know...I’m a trained agent of the Galactic Kids Next Door...you don’t scare me, miss missy! I could take you on with or without your memories!” 

Abby glared at her. “What?” 

Lizzie bit her tongue. “Oops.” 

Abby was still confused, but mostly her heart filled with fear. The people who saved her, she knew them. She’d known them for a long time. Somehow, she had forgotten them. Or someone purposefully made it that she would forget them. Her stomach tied itself up. She felt a cramp in her side. 

The Captain. Cookie. Beatles. And even...

Without thinking, she started sprinting, hearing Lizzie’s voice fade into blackness. She had no idea where she was going. She had no skills to rely on. It was stupid. She would probably die. But still, she couldn’t stop running. 

Hoagie couldn’t see past the bridge of his nose. Everything appeared like a green mask around him, a dirty fish-tank or a psychedelic trip with a single color-filter. Green. Everywhere. He saw slight alterations when he turned his head, realizing he was surrounded by forms and figures. Dust particles caught in his throat as he tried to clear them out. 

“Wally!” he called, but there was no answer. “Kuki...” he was less confident. He waited, but there was still nothing. He didn’t dare stand up to investigate. He felt the goop in between his fingers, sloshing around. Moving his hands toward his face, he could see the slime clearly. It was only then that he started to panic. “H-Hello?” 

“Wow. That was way faster than I thought!”

The voice came from the other side of the glass. Hoagie turned, only able to make out a dark shadow of a tree, planted outside of his prison. He knew where he was but couldn’t bring himself to admit it. 

“I gotta say, I was a little worried. I thought I was gonna have to get a plan B. But better late than never!” 

He shook his head. “Just who are you?” 

“Numbuh 74.23, head of the Human and Disease research division,” they said. “I’ve been waiting like...so long for this you have no idea.” 

“Where are my friends?” 

“Beside you, there,” they replied without much emotion. “I was hoping more than one of you would have it. But oh, well. One’s plenty.” 

“Have it?” he was confused. “What do you mean? We all have it. We’re teens.” 

“Not the virus, stoopid.” 

“Ha!” Hoagie pointed at the wall. “You thought you could stop us by using the Khlorophill, didn’t you? Well!” He grinned cockily, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest with pride. “That’s not gonna work! Cause I’ve been eating vegetables my whole life and have never gotten sick! And I don’t even feel any different right now! I’ve stumped you!” He laughed at his own joke. “So! What’cha gonna do about that?” 

“Me?” Numbuh 74.23 said. “Nothing.” 

“Noth—” Hoagie’s chest fell. “Nothing?” And then the rest of his body followed suit. “Oh, no,” he whispered. “Oh no, no no no.”

“Oh, yes.” They jeered. “You...are exactly what I’ve been looking for.” 

Desperately, his fists pounded on the glass wall, kicking it to try and shatter it. But it was too thick. “Help!!” he called out on instinct. “Help! Please! Somebody help me! Abig—” He stopped, remembering what happened. Knowing she wasn’t coming for him this time.

Hoagie felt a pain in his neck, like something was biting it. He screamed, doubling over in pain. 

“What’s the matter? I thought you would be happy. You finally get to be special. What you’ve always wanted.” 

“I know what you’re planning. Nigel Uno will stop you,” he choked. “When he finds out what you did to Abigail, he’ll—”

“What I did? I only decommissioned her on Numbuh 1’s order.” 

Hoagie reached for the ground, attempting to stabilize himself. “You’re lying...he couldn’t—”

“I’m not like you, Gilligan. I don’t have a need to lie about things to manipulate others. Everything I’ve told Uno about the virus is true. He is one of us. You think he cares about you humans who don’t even remember him? Face it. He’s moved on,” the Alien said. “He doesn’t love you anymore. Why would he? I know everything about you. So you can trust me when I say: there’s nothing to love.” 

Hoagie coughed something green and slimy out of his mouth, which tasted like leaves. Or... raw broccoli stems...or...he was losing consciousness. 

“T-Tommy...” 

His body grew heavier, unable to take in a full deep breath. He sank into the glass, everything finally growing dark. 

Nigel rushed down the halls. Where was everyone? They couldn’t have all fallen for that trick, could they? Children were not always so daft. But then again, Abby was far cleverer than he was. He bolted around the restricted area. She wasn’t in the decommissioning chamber, which meant he was too late to stop it. An ugly feeling lurched in the pit of his stomach. If she was decommissioned, but wasn’t anywhere secure, then where the heck did she go? The thought of her wandering around without any idea what was happening frightened him. He didn’t know what she would be like without her memories. Gullible? Skeptical? Cautious? 

Suddenly, Nigel found himself in an area he did not recognize. That was odd. He thought for sure he knew of every single section of the base. There was a lift with a broken access pad. 

Abby.

Entering the lift, he realized it actually went down lower than the underground, deep into a part of headquarters he had never heard of. 

He did not hesitate. 

As the doors opened on the bottom floor, he noticed the back of a large being examining something under a microscope. Nigel was never more relieved to see a familiar figure. 

“Numbuh 74.23!” Nigel said as he scurried into the room. “Thank goodness! You’re still here!” 

Numbuh 74.23 froze. “N-Nigel...” It turned around slowly. “What are you doing outside of isolation? You know we’re in a very crucial period...” 

“Abby is gone!” He told him. “I know I’m not supposed to leave the unit, but she must have escaped somehow. Everyone is gone. Vine. Chad. Those Adult convicts. Something has happened. We must warn the council immediately!” 

Numbuh 74.23 did not seem that surprised. “Is that so?” 

“I think I’ve made a terrible mistake. I acted too soon I—” He went to the tree Alien, who backed away from him. “You must help me get them back! I don’t see any agents anywhere. We’ve been infiltrated!” He rested his hands on his forehead. “It’s my fault. Abby hacked through the system because I decommissioned Earth and now everything has gone into chaos!” 

“Right. Sure,” They spread their branches out. “Why don’t you go back upstairs, and I will be right with you.” 

Nigel paused, looking around at the room. “I’ve never been down here before. What exactly is this place?” 

“It’s classified G:KND information. High-ranking stuff. Sooper boring. You don’t wanna know.” The alien continued to cover up their tracks, which Nigel found suspicious. 

“No way...” he gasped. “This is where you test the virus, isn’t it?” His breath got short with excitement. “That is so cool!” 

“Right. So you should leave. Like...right now.” They tried to usher him out, but Nigel circumvented. 

“Oh, wow,” he ignored them, walking to the wall. “These must be Adult criminals. It’s as you said...the Khlorophill tests the aging process.” He scratched his neck. “It’s kind of scary, isn’t it?” 

“Yes, very scary. Now go back upstairs and—” 

“It’s funny,” he said, his attention aiming at one of the figures. “This one almost looks human...” He looked at it closer, its blonde hair still had some color in it, though the skin was completely green. Yet there was something familiar about it. “And that one...” he said, pointing to the figure next to it, with black hair. “Looks like a human girl.” 

“It’s just the glass.” 

There was a larger one next to the girl, who twitched as soon as Nigel got close to the glass, giving him a fright. He walked across to another figure, this one was also blonde, her hair was tied up in a ponytail. This was one Nigel could not stop staring at. There was something about her that particularly caught his interest. 

“Numbuh 74.23...” Nigel swallowed. “You’re not...abducting humans?” 

Numbuh 74.23 laughed. “What? Why would I do that? You know the G:KND doesn’t abduct people. That’s an Adult thing to do. Do I look that cliché?” 

“Right of course it’s just...” Nigel stared at the girl. “They look so much like them. Like this one...” He stepped forward. “Long ago...a friend sent me a message saying she was going to come to space. She never arrived. I never heard from her again. They claimed she disappeared.” 

Numbuh 74.23 laughed nervously. “Come on, Nigel. That’s crazy. You think I have any reason to steal humans?” 

“Perhaps not.” He blushed. “You’re right. I’m being silly.” His back went against the wall. “It’s the vegetables causing me to lose it. I have to find Abby before...” He stopped, his eye catching the black-haired girl again. There was something about her eyes...the way that even when they were closed, they were elegant. Eyes he could spend hours looking at. He noticed the blonde-haired boy’s hand clasped tightly in hers. And on the other side of her, a large patchwork cap, too large for either of them, or for most human teenagers. 

His lips were dry as struggled to even form the words that came to his mind. 

“N...Numbuh 3?” 

“Nigel—” 

“And that’s Numbuh 4...” he said. “Which would make the one on the other end...” 

Numbuh 74.23 moved inward. “You’re not thinking straight.” 

But Nigel just stood there, staring, his back turned. “My friends. But they couldn’t be. Abby wouldn’t...she wouldn’t have...not here...” 

It was then that Numbuh 74.23 began to backtrack. “They trespassed through security. They are the reason no one can get back into headquarters.” They said. “They are Adults, Nigel.” 

“What exactly have you been doing down here?” 

There was a crack that appeared the glass. Nothing touched it. It appeared almost by—

“Nigel—”

“Why did you want to decommission Earth, Numbuh 74.23? Certainly not for you to continue illegal experiments. That couldn’t be.” 

Crack. Crack. 

“One would almost think...that you have no intention of saving my planet from the virus.” 

The crack was now half-way up the wall. 

“One would almost think...” 

A halo of red light radiated from his body. Numbuh 74.23 backed away into the lift, but buttons wouldn’t work. 

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! 

“...that you lied to me.” 

“N-Nigel...come on, now...they’re Adults! All of the humans are Adults! We need to protect ourselves.” 

He inhaled. 

“You’re not with the Galactic Kids Next Door...are you?” He turned, everything in his eyes from the corneas to the pupils, glowing fire-engine red, an aura of light beaming out of them. 

“You’re the Splinter Cell.” 

Numbuh 74.23 grinned. 

Abby stood, frozen still in the middle of a strange room. She didn’t dare move a muscle. Everything had an eerie red glow around it, some objects, even large tables were lifted into the air. She was starting to be over this whole business. She didn’t know what she was looking for, or what a “code module” was. This whole ordeal was confusing. What she knew of her life was only a fraction of what it actually was, and who knew if those hazy memories weren’t altered in some way? She held a tiny fire gun thing in her hand, which looked like a toy and didn’t seem to have much power at all if she was being honest. Little buds rose from their roots as potting soil lifted like a wave ebbing and flowing. Abby stuck her other hand out, too curious to resist. She parted a path for herself, swiping the soil away from her and watching as it bounced off in zero-gravity. 

She shivered. 

Okay, Abby, she thought. This is easy. Just find the others and they will explain everything. 

But as she thought this, the floating objects crashed into the ground. She could see now, roots emerging from the next room over, expanding out. Every thought she had told her to turn back, but her instincts told her that this was exactly what she was looking for. She could hear a faint call but couldn’t place it. A step forward and finally she realized what the shout was. One of the roots was barreling her direction, so fast she was paralyzed. She forgot about her gun. She forgot about everything. 

But the root did not attack. It stopped right before it reached her face. She opened her eyes watching as it split open, colored with the same red light that was originally around the floating objects. A creature slinked out of the room, growing larger and larger until it hit the ceiling, eventually breaking out of its energetic hold. Abby didn’t even back up. She was too shocked to move her feet. Instead, she held up her little weapon, that Lizzie had insisted was easy to use, and aimed it at the creature. 

“Uh...F-Freeze...Alien...” She tried. “You’re under arrest! I think...” 

Then, she saw another form leaping over the Alien creature. A boy with no hair and what looked to be a space suit. His eyes and body were glowing red and Abby had seen enough shows to know that he was the one who must have saved her. 

The boy looked at his hands, almost startled by his own strength. “What’s happening to me?” he asked himself. “I’m feeling...I’m feeling...” He looked at his enemy. “Authoritative,” he growled. With those words, he sliced another one of the creature’s roots, this time licking it clean off. 

“Kay.” Abby observed. “This is new.” 

“Are you alright?” he asked her. 

As he looked at her, she recognized him. “You’re the kid who wouldn’t get off the ground.” 

“What?” 

“Uh...Numbuh...” she tried to remember. “S-Six?” 

“Six?!” 

“Or was it seven...” 

“Nigel Uno!” Their enemy wasn’t about to take second stage. When Nigel wasn’t looking, it took its chance. It wrapped its roots around him. And now that Nigel had lost his concentration, he could not summon his powers again. 

“Y-you...used me...” he choked. 

“Oh, please. It was too easy convincing you to join the Galactic Kids Next Door,” it griped back. “You wanted to be the best so badly! You humans! You’re all the same! You all want to be number one...and you’ll believe any story that tells you that you are.” 

“I am....Earth’s representative...” 

“You’re nothing.” It squeezed harder. “Earth’s greatest warrior now a crummy, boring, old Adult. Like the rest of your scummy, sick planet.” 

“That may be...” he said. “But at least...I’m not a scaredy-baby.” 

“Scared?” It smiled a sickening smile. “I’m just doing what I need to do. To survive. And you Adults...are the scourge of the Universe...You’re no different. You’re a disease, Uno. That’s all you and your planet will ever be.” 

“A-Abby...m-my team...” He reached toward the door. He could barely breathe now, but was able to find his power again, moving the roots just enough away from him to keep him alive. Tears formed in his eyes. “My friends...” 

“Oh, no you don’t—” the Alien tree began, sending a root after Abby. Her body moved, without thinking first, as she leapt over the creature and made a break for it. “Hey! No fair!” It sighed. “Oh, well. She won’t make it far.” 

She ran into the room, glass was everywhere. Aliens of all shapes and sizes were thrown across the ground, all unconscious. 

“Oh God,” she whispered, having a bad feeling. There was something thick about the air, like breathing in a fog. It stank like rancid spinach left in the fridge. 

Abby hated spinach on any occasion. 

It wasn’t long before she found them, their skin turned a sickly green along with most of their hair and teeth. She didn’t know whether or not she should touch them, the fumes from the room were giving her a headache. Never in her life did she have such an urge to go to sleep, but something kept her awake. 

“Cookie?” She poked the girl. “I mean Numbuh...four? No, three. That’s right you were three. Beatles is Four.” Abby sighed. If she ever made it out of here, she was going to have to actually learn their names. The third body twitched, the boy seething up in pain. “C-Captain?” 

The veins of neck stuck out as he choked his final plea for help. 

She noticed a long vine latched onto his neck like a parasite, injecting the green glop into his body. “Oh, boy. Okay, Abby.” She closed her eyes. “It’s fine. You’re on a beach. There are waves. There’s a crab. Hi, crab. You wanna pull out the gross sticky poison tube so I don’t have to?” She waited. “No? Fuck you, Crab.” She put her foot on the boy’s back. “I am really, really sorry—” 

She pulled, and he screamed but relaxed as bit by bit it unlatched. If there was blood, she couldn’t tell because it was all green. Proud of herself and completely grossed out, she dragged it out. The boy wasn’t doing well. She didn’t quite know what to do, but she knew she had to do something. 

“I-I’ll be back.” 

“Hey! Tree-sap!” Abby held up the vine. “Let. Him. Go.” 

The Alien tightened their grip as Nigel Uno was losing control over his powers. 

“I don’t know what the heck is goin’ on! I don’t know who you are or how I got here. But so far, I have been abducted, given the run-around, had my memories taken...apparently...and now you wanna hurt these nice folks?” She held the vine out. 

Numbuh 74.23 let go of Nigel just enough to turn around. “W-wait! Abigail! There’s been a grave misunderstanding!” They dropped him. “No need for that. See? I let him go. Like you asked. Now put the vine down and we can all walk out of here.” 

Abby nodded. “You’re right. Of course. It was just a misunderstanding.” 

Numbuh 74.23 relaxed. “Right. A-A misunderstanding. Yeah.” 

Her face suddenly soured. “Yeah, right.” With great strength, she lodged the vine into one of the branches. The alien screamed, as though it were bitten by a venomous snake. Nigel stood there, petrified, as the being expanded bigger and bigger, bulging from the sides. When it could no longer expand, it exploded. Gunk flew everywhere as Nigel and Abby just stared and waited. The tree decayed, limping to the side. It did not move again. 

Abby was sure of herself, but still couldn’t ease her anxious breath. “That’s right. No one fucks with the Teens Next Door, Bitch.” She checked in with Nigel. “I am in the Teens Next Door, right? I got that right?” 

Nigel looked around at the scene. And perhaps it was from exhaustion, or perhaps it was a reaction to the fear, but right then and there he collapsed unconscious. 

It wasn’t long before Chad and Lizzie came looking for Abby and the others. Abby had a hard time explaining what exactly happened. Chad tried to go to Nigel, but Lizzie was already way ahead of him. He explained to Abby that the superpowers made sense, considering both Nigel’s grandfather and his Uncle possessed them, albeit in different forms. He jovially stated that Nigel being telekinetic was almost too appropriate. 

“Nigie!” Lizzie cried, collapsing over the boy. “I’m so sorry!! I’ll never ever lose you again!” 

Chad rolled his eyes. “We need to find the code module and get the hell out of this place.” 

“What about him?” Abby asked, pointing to Nigel. “He saved my life. We can’t just leave him.” 

“Oh, he’s coming with us alright,” Chad explained. “He has violated the trust of the people of Earth and must answer for his crimes.” He sighed. “Damn you, Uno. You scared me for a minute there.” 

“And....them?” she asked, gesturing to the other humans. “They’ll be okay, right?” 

Chad’s face darkened. “With direct exposure to Khlorophill? I don’t know...” 

“If Nigie is going then I’m going too!” Lizzie whined. 

Chad flushed. “No way!” 

“I’m going! I’m going! I’m going!” 

“You’re not even human!” 

“Lalalalalala I can’t hear you! Lalalalala!” 

“You’re not...Lizzie...I mean Vine! You’re not--! Stop it!” 

Abby watched the commotion, her mind fluttering from all the insanity she witnessed the last few hours. She wasn’t certain what was going to happen to her, or really what had happened to her at all. The photographs were still dancing in her head like sugarplums. Then, a thought. 

“I think I wanna open a bake shop.” 

END TRANSMISSION.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: READ PARTS ONE AND TWO FIRST
> 
> This story contains trigger warnings that will be placed at the beginnings of chapters, the content of which will be presented at the end of the chapter. Please head the chapter warnings. They are organized this way to avoid spoilers but still provide the warnings for those who need/prefer them and to warn people who may be triggered of the oncoming content. There is a general warning at the beginning of each section, however it does not cover the specific content that will be explored. Not all trigger warnings are listed as options in the AO3 Archive Warnings tag. Providing these specific warnings helps me give my readers a safe environment to read what they want and skip what they want, without having to necessarily skip the entire experience. This will become more necessary as chapters go on.
> 
> Please be respectful of others in the comments in regard to spoilers if you choose to discuss anything :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (IMPORTANT EDIT:) The following content is not meant to directly represent any real life current events or issues.


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